Friday, November 30, 2018

A Winter Night with Warmth

SATURDAY, JANUARY 25, 2014
A Winter Night with Warmth
by Dee Kostelyk

Women are gathered, one cross legged on the floor, one in a wheelchair, two reaching for blankets.  One of them says “I love doing things like this.”
In a row go the Blessing Blankets tied neatly with twine, folded with great care, thoughts of who they might cover.
Downstairs sandwiches are being prepared and wrapped, all in a row.  The woman is thinking about how many she should make and wondering about who will eat them.
Upstairs, coats, shoes, socks, hats and gloves are being sorted.  A woman silently prays, “Lord, what am I missing? Show me what to take us with us tonight.”
A man gathers the Blessing Blankets, coats, shoes, and other winter items and piles them high onto carts to bring downstairs.  There, he carefully places all the bins and bags in the back of the church bus.
It’s already been a long day for some of these people, including the Pastor who prepares his heart and mind to deliver the message at the New Hope service.  He thinks about ministering to the homeless later that evening as well. He wonders about where to go and how to love more…wishing for additional resources, asking God how to impact with greater depth, yet anticipating the power of the Spirit to move that night.
Dark and cold cement meet the man who returns to his illusion of protection under the viaduct.  Beyond the thoughts that drag through his mind is a feeling of cold that numbs the limbs, a misery hardly recognized, a hope that is bound, a life that is light buried.
The New Hope service is over, the bus holds a mixed bag of people lovers, wanting to give a piece of warmth that they, themselves, have needed and received.  The Pastor turns the key in the ignition but something is wrong as the dashboard lights up. A few men try to work on a solution.
Inside, the people gather, some offering up silent prayers, others chatting, some lost in thought.  A woman silently prays “Lord, there are people who need these blankets and coats. Someone needs to eat.”  Her heart is down. She can feel with certainty that people need them that night.
Others offer words of encouragement.  “Maybe God is saving us from something.”
The men unload the bus when it’s clear we cannot use it.
Bins and bags of hope lay strewn in an unorganized heap.  Hearts are deflated BUT compassion and determination beat stronger.  Greater is He inside of us than he that is of the world.
Pastor is torn.  There is fatigue in the room.  It would be easy to say “let’s go next week instead” but he feels it too.  Some of God’s children are in need tonight, he thinks.
At the end of the couch by the wall Jesus is sitting.  His smile is slight and tender. He’s watching His sheep.  He tilts his head as he watches the branches stretch out and the fruit ripen.  
While he takes in this scene, He also watches the two men at the street corners, and the man who just lied down under the viaduct and the other man not far away looking for cardboard to burn.  He looks at each one of the people with a consuming love. He grieves, a few tears falling, he sighs, a few more tears, he smiles, he enjoys…his sheep are his and his hand stretches out over the people in the warm church and the men who are in the cold and his power and love curl around their toes and wrap around their shoulders.  He will show the people lovers what can happen with some sandwiches, blankets, a few bags of supplies, a van too small and some willing hearts.
The Pastor approaches one of the women and says, “Should we take the van and bring enough for ten, cold people?”
“Yes,” she replies.
The sheep work together, each thinking of what might be needed.  Will everyone fit? Maybe a few will go home. Fatigue seems to be inside all of them but the desire to LOVE wins out.
Jesus is still watching.  He’s leaning forward now, still smiling.
With all the items loaded into the much smaller van, the people squeeze inside, this mixed bag, shoulder to shoulder, wound to wound.
Not one person made the decision to stay back.
Among them is a teenager with headphones on, looking out the window.
Jesus is inside the van too.  He is also sitting near the man under the viaduct as he watches his other child looking for cardboard.  The men on the street corners have no idea that Jesus is with them too.
A stop under the viaducts finds Dave.  He had no idea the people would be there that night with warm blankets and sandwiches. One of the men converses with Dave.  “You don’t have to live like this,” he says.
Jesus is crouched nearby.  He’s wearing a warm coat and a wool hat, carrying a pillow that he had been laying his head on as he watched over the homeless man.  In one fluid moment, he hands the pillow over to one of the people lovers who in turn hands it over to Dave.
As Jesus takes in the scene, adoration for the man on the mattress, sorrow for the road that brought him there and appreciation for the beauty of the wounded workers grips him.  If only the homeless man named Dave would know that I would roll out a red carpet for him as if he were a king.
The van moves on, everyone on high alert, intent to not miss someone in need.  Eyes of the ones who have a home to go to are seeking the eyes of the ones who don’t.  One woman thinks, I am you and you are me.
The man looking for cardboard to burn stumbles along.  His thoughts are muddled as he sees the church van approach.  
“Do you need any blankets?  We have coats, hats and gloves too.  How about a sandwich?” the Pastor asks.
Some of the people emerge from the van.  
Face to face the man is younger than what he first appeared.  On the edge of a stupor, the man is able to still recognize that being with these visitors calls for some kind of song, some kind of prayer.  “Let’s sing a Christmas carol,” he says.
The mom instinct kicks in with one of the women as she tenderly wraps the man’s neck with a scarf.  Someone else puts gloves in his pocket while a few others fill a bag with some blankets and snacks. He is given some sandwiches.
One of the men, a homeless veteran himself, prays for the homeless man.  Some of the other people lovers join in and the man is surrounded by a wall of prayer warriors.  The wind whips the bitterly cold air as we huddle in.
A few feet away Jesus stands.  His eyes are intense. He sees, though nobody else can, the light that pours from the people’s fingertips as they touch the man’s coat.  Jesus silently weeps at the beauty of the scene while feeling sadness at the same time. He looks at the homeless man named Tim. He remembers Tim as a boy.  He sees the boy inside the man now.
Two more of God’s children are found at street corners.  The people help the best they can but feel it’s not enough.  Are these men familiar? It seems some of the church people recognize them.  The people don’t know the men’s names but Jesus does. Their names are engraved on his palm.  He remembers when his hands formed each of them in their mother’s womb.
The van heads back to church.  The people talk about ideas. They think about their own lives.  Each one is tired and Jesus sits among them. He thinks, they don’t even know what they have done.  They don’t even know what I’m going to do.  Jesus smiles like a little boy.  He is looking forward to teaching them.  He is looking forward to showing them.
The girl with the headphones ponders what she saw that night, seeds being planted in her heart while at the same time texting a friend.
This mixed bag of church people…wounded workers…people lovers…precious sheep…will continue their mission with Jesus.  They will find healing in their work and they will be the hands and feet of Jesus…their own tears of sadness and joy will mix a thread of gold that Jesus will create
to bring light to the people.

Sunday, November 18, 2018

Jesus's Birthday

I've been without hot water in the house for the last four days since our water heater broke. I haven't been able to run the dishwasher or take a hot shower.  I've been boiling water to wash the dishes. Great fun. 
This morning, as I was getting ready for church I started complaining under my breath and then caught myself. I felt like a primadonna. I thought about all the ones living without electricity and running water; the ones without a bed or a fridge; IN THIS COUNTRY. I thought about my homeless friend. He came into the ministry yesterday. His nose was running, he was cold, and so tired. He told me he didn't have much of an appetite. Someone else told me she had just moved into a senior apartment and had nothing. No mattress, pillow, blankets or anything.These are our neighbors, co-workers, and even friends. You might be surprised to know what conditions your co-worker left at home to make it to work. My temporary inconvenience isn't a big deal in the scheme of things and our new water heater was installed earlier tonight.
There is a direction I am moving in with this. I'm going from talking about not having enough in a material sense to not having enough in an emotional sense. Doesn't it seem that this becomes more pronounced as winter comes and the holidays approach? 
The other day I was thinking about Christmas and almost shuddered. There was some snow on the ground and I felt nothing at the sight of it. It felt like I had gone to sleep in early fall and woke up to find that it was the week of Thanksgiving! I was still waiting for another 65 degree sunny day!
Being the analyzer that I am, I started wondering what was bothering me and then it occurred to me. I realized that what I wanted to cower away from was the hijacking of Jesus Christ's birthday by something dark that was only coated with light. I wanted to shrink from the expectation of the 'must do's' and 'supposed to's'; a few bad memories, some fears, the chores, fatigue, and the bright decadence. It all made me TIRED. But, I have to say that when I got into my line of vision the image of our Baby King Jesus with His parents, I could breathe. I wanted to run toward this family. I wanted to take a good long look at my Savior and put my cheek against His. I wanted to get on my knees and bow my head before Him. 
The thing is, for many people this time of year is just plain tough. Not everyone has warm memories of Christmas as a child. Some are facing their first year without someone they love. Others have no money for gifts. There are job losses. Fear. People are alone. They're sick. Facing a crisis. Battling an addiction. Heartbroken over a failing or estranged relationship. Really, we could fill in the blank, couldn't we? Isn't it something how the most wonderful time of the year can truthfully be the worst? Isn't it something how Jesus's birthday can be so painful? I mean, that sentence just doesn't seem to make sense, does it? And, it shouldn't make sense. What is painful is what we've (all) done to Christ's birth. We've made it into the most perfect and plastic joy-robbing festival ever! And, what is behind it is none other than the darkness I spoke of earlier; the darkness coated in light. The liar and thief of the world. The one who encourages us to chase after the wind until we fall down exhausted.
The celebration of Jesus's birth has nothing to do with a new car in the driveway on Christmas morning with a large red bow on it. It's not Kay Jewelers. It's not chestnuts, lights, Santa Claus, fad diets, haircuts, getting drunk, the mall, overeating, heartburn, Black Friday, dinner reservations, maxing out credit cards, miserable relatives, the happiest Christmas card, over tired kids, over tired moms, over tired dads, parties, broke parents and grandparents, cookies, new high heels and a dress; and having the best Christmas lights on the block!  I'm not saying there aren't a few of those that are harmless. I'm just saying that it is NOT Christmas!
A few years ago I spoke at Coffee Break and the women's Christmas Tea about this subject. I encouraged myself and everyone else to insert the words 'Jesus's birthday' in place of the word 'Christmas' for a few days. Please try it. It changes everything. Jesus often does.
The thing is, we do live in this world and there is nothing wrong with decorating, parties, and family Christmas traditions. Our family has them. I want a warm, cozy and decorated house. I love that. But, more and more, I'm thinking less and less. I no longer want to feel pressured into making Jesus's birthday into anything that isn't about Him. I feel convicted about this. 
I believe that the antidote for Christmas stress and even dislike, is Jesus Christ, the one the whole season is supposed to be about to begin with. HE is the answer. It doesn't mean there won't still be sadness or heart break. Jesus said we will have troubles in this world but He also encouraged us to not lose heart because He has overcome the world. Putting Baby King Jesus into our line of vision and pondering His momentous birth costs us nothing. It's free. A poor man can do it just as easily as a rich one. It can be done standing up or from a sick bed. It can be done inside our home or from a cold and dark alley. It can be done through grief stricken tears or sitting on a mountain. An elderly person can catch this vision alongside a two year old. 
Jesus is for everyone, everywhere. We are ALL invited to His birthday party. What gift will you give Him this year? Kindness shown to others is kindness shown to Him. If we want to experience joy this Christmas then we have to be intentional about it. Make it into a prayer and ask the Lord to help you. It'll look differently for each of us but one thing we can do together is kick the plastic, secular hype out the door. It will only serve to hurt us. Let's replace it with the real value and treasure of Jesus's birth. Let's worship Him, trust Him, lean into Him, and do for others. He loves each of you so very much. Simplify. Cut back. Step back. Seek peace. Worship the King. Love Christmas (aka, Jesus's Birthday)!

Thursday, November 8, 2018

You're Everything

Jesus, you have a way of pulling out of me what is right. You take my fear filled kill joy and show me better. You make wide my trust. You show me that best laid plans are sometimes best laid down and that right isn't always popular. My Jesus, you engaged with women, touched lepers, ate with sinners, and healed on the Sabbath. You turned religiosity inside out and showed us how the core was void of love. Your perfect love cast out the fear that produced that rigidity. Your love always tells a better story.

Thank you for showing me not to hide in safe corners, but to put the unlikely out there for you to show me and to show all Who You Are. You're not impressed with numbers or the noise. You leave the ninety-nine in search of the one. When I get a glimpse of what you find beautiful then I know I have seen true beauty. I KNOW I HAVE.

Nobody leaves me reeling in awe like You. My speck on the map is seen and known.  You're familiar with all my ways. You see the crown of my head and smile. You protect me. You whisper, "straighten your spine and put your chin up, daughter." 

You are in every color and in every cell. The earth rises up to meet you. You sit on my couch and at my table. You walk beside me at work and lead me beside still waters in the night. I'll never have enough words or images to describe Who you are to me, but I won't ever stop trying. You are the God of my life. You are worthy of ALL praise.