Often, for Christians, suffering leaves us reeling and running - running for cover before we are found out by our peers, family, loved ones - and God. Surely, nobody is the swollen eyed, runny nosed, curled up mess that we are. Surely, nobody else is sitting in a parking lot alone, void of life, feeling the punch in the gut of absolute nothingness. Surely, no other brother or sister is contemplating death as they sit at their work desk, lap top open, surrounded by pictures of their smiling kids.
The "all things work together for good..." which of course we believe works for everyone else, becomes an ineffective background chant to the more intense screaming of the grief we are feeling. We wonder what is wrong with us. Why the yo-yo? We are supposed to be developing character and perseverance, not insomnia, panic attacks, headaches and shame. We are supposed to be suffering like a Christian, for goodness sake! (Insert three consecutive claps and a "let's get it together!")
However, the truth about how many Christians are suffering is not being displayed for our viewing. This leaves us comparing ourselves to a partial picture which only adds jagged pieces of hail to the storm we are already standing in. Combine this with well-intentioned Christian messages that gloss over the wretchedness of pain (because victory is where it's at) and we are set up to fall into disillusionment about Jesus and ourselves. The truth is that suffering is a stinking mess for everyone and nobody knows it better than Christ, Himself.
Seriously, there is NO ONE who knows this better than Jesus. But for a minute, we will put Him aside and just name a few others whose suffering God wanted us familiar with:
David - The Psalms are full of his lamenting. He often felt alone, scared of enemies, and in despair. He struggled with guilt and shame over his sins. He talked about his throat being parched and feeling worn out from calling for help. David knew depression. (Psalms)
Hannah - She wept in anguish to the Lord for a child. She talked of pouring out her soul and having an abundance of grief. Hannah knew longing and she also understood feeling excluded and devalued. (Samuel)
Hagar - She was abused and a slave, pregnant with her master's child which was not her choice, and then resented and rejected for it. She ended up fleeing into the desert alone. Hagar knew about loneliness, rejection, facing an unknown future, and anxiety. (Genesis)
Job - He lost his wife and children, health, livestock, and wealth all through no wrong doing of his own. The Bible says that he loathed his very life and felt bitter. He even had painful sores on his feet to the crown of his head. Job knew despair, grief and loss, judgement and criticism from friends; physical pain, and poverty. (Job)
Paul - He was imprisoned, whipped, beaten, stoned, shipwrecked, homeless, hungry, pursued by enemies, naked, and sleepless. He knew great physical pain, loneliness, fear, oppression and exhaustion. Paul felt what it was to walk alone and carry great burdens. (2 Corinthians)
There are many others from the Bible acquainted with suffering for a myriad of reasons. None of it was pretty or neat. In fact, if you were to take the above five followers of Christ and were made privy to their private suffering, you would've seen raw pain at it's height. You would've heard moaning and crying, smelled blood and disease, seen wringing hands and heads down, and felt despair reaching out for you.
And, then comes Jesus Christ. In the Garden of Gethsemane His agony was great as He tells His friends, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death" (Matthew 26 and Mark 14) and later His body was so overcome by traumatic stress that He actually sweat drops of blood, a condition called hematidrosis which can lead to death. Of course, we know it didn't end there. Jesus went on to suffer a horrific death for us, experiencing firsthand every kind of evil known to man as well as every sorrow in order that we could be set free and spend our eternal life with Him! It was an ugly mess of the worst kind resulting in the biggest and brightest redemptive victory to date. A Risen Savior. Hallelujah!
What I want to say to those of you walking in pain is that you don't have to run for cover and hide. You don't have to fit your experience into a neat box. You don't have to live up to what you see displayed because remember, it's not the whole story. Your pain is valid and real and some days it might knock the wind out of you. It might bring you to your knees and make you feel "overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death." Wait, who said that, again? Jesus did - our Savior who is well acquainted with all of our suffering!
Sometimes, the more hard pressed we are and the deeper our sorrow, the more bitter we feel. The cries of our heart reflect gut wrenching fury. We feel betrayed and rejected by God. There is no end to the revolving dead we feel inside. We secretly begin to resent the scripture quoting well wishers. We become consumed by our circumstances, fumbling in the dark, cursing under our breath, longing for a reprieve, blaming God and finding something to dislike about anyone who seems to have it all together. We are miserable and exhausted. We know this isn't the way so self-loathing comes knocking and we let him in. But, that kind of company wounds us further and creates a really lonely place in our life. That place is where pretty much all Christians have been, now, and a few thousand years ago. We might have smart phones and airplanes today, but our heart and soul experiences match the same as our brothers and sisters who lived before Jesus walked the earth. Pain is universal and stands the test of time. Fortunately, so does God's LOVE and I'll bet on the power of His love to overcome our pain any day.
This can happen swiftly but more times than not we are going to grapple in our pain. We will fall down hard, grieve, and wipe tears away. We will wrestle. We will HURT. We will sin. We will feel that we cannot take anymore.
Above, I mentioned the sorrow of five precious people from the Bible. Every one of them was in a mess and if we could follow them throughout their lives, they probably had many messes just like us. But, what did they do? All but Hagar SOUGHT the Lord as they were, WHERE they were - from a cave, temple, dust and ashes; and prison. Think about that. They weren't sitting in church in their Sunday best, arms raised, dabbing at a few stray tears. With Hagar, God sought her out in the desert by sending an angel who called her by name. God will lovingly take our pursuit of Him from anywhere and He will also have zero qualms about pursuing us right into the most lifeless of places, like a desert. He is THAT kind of Father.
You may liken yourself to these real life people from the Bible. You may liken yourself to the very human sorrow that Jesus felt. Isaiah 53: 3 describes Jesus as "despised and rejected - a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief." You are not so "out there" after all.
The key is to move forward and upward. Circumstances may or may not change, but the depths of you will as you encounter God in ways you never knew possible. It is not made up that some of the truest treasure in life is found on our knees with empty hands and hearts broken. Psalm 61:2 says, "From the ends of the earth, I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of safety." When Jesus meets us there, there is nothing like it because there is NO ONE like Him. Our pain isn't wasted. Our tears aren't ignored. His promises stand. We don't have to run for cover EVER from Him. He IS our covering and safe place.
The journey will be filled with bumps. Bitterness and doubt may creep in but they don't have to stay. Grief may come in unexpected waves but you're not going to drown. You may find yourself lonely but never alone. You have power and authority in Christ and you should start exercising it. You also have the ability and invitation to rest in the Lord. He welcomes you with open arms, all the time.
This isn't about happy endings. Our happy ending is in heaven some day when we get to be in the place God has already prepared for us. This is about real life. This about partnering with Christ through thick and thin and being honest with Him. Go ahead. Give Him your pain and any other pieces you've got hidden. Set it before Him and let Him work out His love in your life. He is THAT kind of Father.
