You Are Not Your Circumstance

I talk with people all the time who feel the weight of their diagnosis. In and out of hospitals and rehabs. Relapsing for the 6th time. Trying yet another new medication for their anxiety. Nightmares riddling their nights. Post traumatic stress throwing punches at the least expected times. Suicidal thoughts and desperate self-harm urges. Families in turmoil. Self-esteem down the toilet. After a while, you begin to feel like it is all you are. That you are not worth being seen for anything else. This goes for anyone who is walking through a painful time. Sometimes, our painful circumstances can begin to define us. And, when others (subconsciously) view us through that lense it reinforces the belief that we are valueless.

There is the guy who lost his job.
Did you know she's a heroin addict?
She's having ANOTHER surgery?
He's in rehab again.
They had to call the police on their son.
She's been covering up her eating disorder.
I feel sorry for her.
They're broke and there is garbage everywhere.
Why can't they get it together?
Those people are crazy.
I haven't seen them in church in months.
Did you smell the alcohol on his breath?
I heard she's bipolar.
These people are disgusting.
I heard his business is failing.
I don't think her husband is the biological father.
The whole family is a train wreck.
I think that kid is gay.
I always knew there was something whacked out about her.
All she does is cry.
Who does that guy think he's fooling?
Did you know they can't have kids?
Fine, I'll write them a check but that loser better get a job.
Get over the anxiety, already.
I heard they sleep in separate beds.
Geesh, how long is she going to grieve?
That guy isn't that smart.
She takes antidepressants.
He couldn't get a job if his life depended on it.
I heard her in the bathroom stall crying.
Man, did you see how much she ate?
I don't have time for those people.
He cheated on her for a whole year.
He got caught with porn.
I don't believe her rape story.
I heard they lost their house.
Every time I see her, it's another story.
He may drive a nice car but those people are in over their head.
His clothes were filthy.
All she does is sleep all day.

I have sat in the gutter with countless people, hearing story after story about pain, trauma and abuse. And, people desperately want to be seen as normal. They want to feel normal. Sometimes, I set my clipboard aside and I tell them to forget about all of it. Forget the diagnosis. Forget the mental health. Tell me who you are. Some have never known who they are. Some used to know but don't anymore. Some are afraid to find out. But, I always point out that they are far more than a diagnosis placed on them by a mere human. It's just a piece of their pie, not the whole pie.
Seeing people through the eyes of Christ takes practice. It has to be done over and over. I know what it feels like to be labeled and judged. I have had people feel sorry for me. I have had people talk about me behind my back. I have been a "case." I know many of you have experienced similar.
Just because someone is in pain, does not mean they have lost their brain. It does not mean they are not insightful. Have you ever had a simple conversation with someone and just by the things they say to you, you know that someone disclosed information to them about you? It feels crappy. Frankly, there are a lot of people out there who point fingers who haven't done anything to improve the quality of their OWN life. They are too busy being the know-it-all about everybody else. Those kind of people believe counseling and any kind of help is for others. Shoot, lying to ourselves is pretty easy.
I feel like someone needs to hear this today. You are no one's project. You are no one's charity. You are not a man-made diagnosis. You are not your situation. You are not your emotion. You are not what has been done to you. You are not the negative things people have spoken to you. You are not a label. You are not someone's "case."
We (I) need to be mindful of the way we think about others, the way we talk TO people, and the way we talk ABOUT them. This is especially true for those of us who work in helping professions and ministry. When you treat people like they are your pet project, they can feel that and it hurts someone who is already hurting. It reinforces their belief that they are nothing and no one. It makes them feel worthless.
How quickly we can forget where we come from. How quickly we can forget our own sin. Our own need. HOW QUICKLY I CAN.
Those of you being inundated with pain whether it's grief because of loss, physical ailments, mental health issues, addiction, finances, or trauma, take a deep breath. You are God's masterpiece and created in His image. God has plans for you. You are needed. You are capable. You can move through. YOU ARE MUCH MORE THAN YOUR CIRCUMSTANCE. Use your voice. Put your chin up. Make eye contact. You are worth privacy, dignity, and respect. You are seen and known by a beautiful and precious Father.

You're Worth It

This morning I was reading through Proverbs. I had forgotten the wealth of wisdom contained in those pages. I also could not help but laugh out loud at several of the verses. Oh yeah, that's so and so and oh shoot, that's ME!  Solomon had such an insightful grasp on our humanity.  He spoke from experience and certainly had his share of decadent history and wind chasing, but God really did grace him with wisdom, so much so, that I was thinking he would be an intimidating dinner guest. Can you imagine?
I sat quietly and reflected on some of Solomon's running themes. He talked a lot about being quiet and listening, giving to those in need, working hard, accepting discipline, seeking wise counsel, pride, righteousness and finances. So much common sense. Here are just a few of the verses that spoke to me but there were many more.

1:7 "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline."

3:21-26 "My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck. Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble; when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared."

11:25 "A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed."

12:15 "The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice."

15:1 "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

16:24 "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."

16:32 "Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city."

25:19 "Like a bad tooth or a lame foot is reliance on the unfaithful in times of trouble."

26:17 "Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passerby who meddles in a quarrel not his own."

27:17 "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

29:1 "A man who remains stiff necked after many rebukes will suddenly be destroyed - without remedy."

31:8-9 "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy."

As I read through the pages I was beginning to feel increasingly sinful and inadequate. There was no measuring up to these high standards of following Christ. I was the fool Solomon was talking about! However, thankfully I was not in a place of major self condemnation. I did not feel the Lord throwing any rocks at me. I felt convicted, instructed, taught, and counseled.
The question is, am I teachable? Am I humble? Can I be quiet and listen? Can I be these things and still have confidence and feel valuable? Be bold? Feel like myself? Sometimes, it all gets confusing. But that is not on God. That is not God's way. I can be the quietest person you meet until someone pushes a button, there is some kind of injustice, or passion is rising in me. I am learning and I actually do want to learn. I don't want to be the same person a year from now that I am today. I want to mature and grow and do better. And, I don't believe that it is one or the other. God's instruction is not meant to strip us of who He created us to be. I'm talking about the uniqueness of YOU. You are unlike anyone else on the whole planet and that is the way it is supposed to be. Sitting quietly and being still is not synonymous with being suppressed and oppressed. God's word teaching and counseling us is not synonymous with a ruler being slammed on the desk. These God breathed Proverbs are given out of a deep love because they bring freedom! His instruction always gives life! And in it, I am learning. I am figuring out who I am and where I'm going in Christ. I'm a work in progress. We are all works in progress but we have to be willing and open to change and accept God's teaching in our life. Included in that, and one thing I have been convicted of lately and was confirmed in this morning's scripture reading, is the importance of wise counsel. This does not only mean advice. It includes someone who has prayed for you and asked the Holy Spirit for guidance. It involves people who point you upward to Jesus and can help you see clearly. It is edification. Hope. It is people who want the best for you and what is helpful in building you up. I would rather have a circle of four wise Spirit-led counselors around me than 25 well-meaning self-led advice givers.
It's good to be teachable. It's wise. If you haven't read through Proverbs in a while I would encourage you to get a pen or highlighter and start meditating on it. This is about moving toward progress, not perfection. Ultimately, it is about God's tender and fierce love because He yearns to set us free. You are worth the hard work it takes to change and grow. SO worth it.