In a world where femininity is increasingly belittled and (maybe) misunderstood, I felt myself wanting to speak out about the GIFT God has intended it to be. I've actually been thinking about this for some time and with Mother's Day approaching I thought it a good time to settle down underneath my blanket with a glass of blueberry wine, and write about it.
Wikipedia gives an example of femininity: Traits such as nurturance, sensitivity, sweetness, supportiveness, gentleness, warmth, passivity, cooperativeness, expressiveness, modesty, humility, empathy, affection, tenderness, and being emotional, kind, helpful, devoted, and understanding have been cited as stereotypically feminine.
Oxford Languages describes it as:
qualities or attributes regarded as characteristic of women.
"she alternated between embracing her femininity and concealing it"
While femininity has an outward appearance, I believe the heart of it comes from within; an essence. I'm not afraid to say that I like being female very much and I'm thankful to God for creating me as such. I happen to find great delight in flowers, candles, makeup, nail polish, lace and ruffles, perfume, throw pillows, and cute shoes. I like having doors opened and heavier items carried for me by men. I couldn't care less that I am physically weaker or shorter. I like the way in which I think about other people and that compassion comes easily. I like the uniquely female way that I see the world. And, there is far more to this than lace and ruffles.
My female body? Well honestly, I have struggled a lot with poor body image. But today, I gave some bad thoughts about myself over to Jesus. I had gone from store to store looking for a dress for my daughter's bridal shower and couldn't find anything. There were other things on my mind which contributed, but my poor body image brought me to tears when I got in the car. I thought, "I've got to take this to Him" so I told Jesus how I felt. My Abba Dad turned my mind around within seconds as I sat at a red light. I began to mentally look at my body objectively and through His eyes. I felt warmed at the thought of how I had the miraculous privilege of housing three precious babies inside of me. I thought about all the miles I'm able to walk each week at my job and how I can move around with ease. I thought about how my heart was pumping and my pulse beating in my wrist. I thought about all the places my feet have been and the things my hands have held. I thought about the weight I've carried on my shoulders with grace. I thought about the way God healed me from breast cancer and how I have been cancer-free for over a year. I reflected on my mouth and the countless times the Holy Spirit empowered me to speak. My female body means a lot to God. I am precious to Him part by part, whole, and core.
I am entirely grateful that I was able to be home for several years with my kids, especially now that they are grown. Being a homemaker was hands down my favorite job. I loved making the house look nice for them. I loved decorating for every holiday, having new centerpieces on the kitchen table that I made up for free, blankets folded over the couch, cookies in the oven, and candles lit. I liked the way the sun looked as it was setting in the backyard and shining through the French doors. I distinctly remember the times I stood at the counter preparing dinner while the kids were each doing their own thing, and Jason wasn't home from work yet. I can close my eyes and feel it. Those days gave me unspeakable joy.
Hospitality has always been a part of my heart. I like opening up my home to people and planning ahead ways to make them feel at home and comfortable. I like the smell of fresh coffee, the glow of lamps, and sitting at the table listening to stories.
I don't mind that I may use a lot of words. I don't apologize for feeling all the feels. And, I just might change my mind about things from time to time. No big deal. I am most humbly proud of the ability to be vulnerable and my capacity for relationship, connection, and nurture. Ah, and there we begin to get below the surface of the lovely lace and ruffles.
I believe that our femininity can reflect the image of Christ because after all, we were created in His image. "So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." Genesis 1:27
We reflect God when we offer hospitality, make a home a home, serve others, show compassion, nurture our relationships, cry with those who mourn, protect the unprotected, and soothe the hurting. The warmth our femininity exudes matters greatly.
I am concerned that especially in this time, femininity is belittled and somehow made to be viewed as weak and a thing of the past. Why? Women have been strong since the beginning of time. Anyone with some intelligence knows that is the truth. Living out my femininity doesn't make me less than. It is actually the opposite. When I live out the woman God created me to be, I become more whole. I become more empowered. There is great strength there that needs to be shared with the world, not snuffed out. We provide a unique and God-given giftedness to society that goes well beyond decorating, baking, and flower arranging (wonderful though that is).
I am proud to be feminine. It doesn't mean I can't open my own doors, carry heavy groceries, work 40 hours a week, bait my own hook, or lead a church meeting, but I LIKE what I can bring to the table. I like the female essence of me and that is more than okay! There ARE things men can do that I'll never be able to do and many things I don't even WANT to do.
Look, I guess I feel that as women we do not need to disprove our femininity in order to prove our value. To me, that is just another ploy of the enemy to chisel away at who we are at our core. Enough belittling of what is naturally ours as a GIFT from God - our unique femininity.
Very recently I read somewhere that CS Lewis experienced a profound loss when his mother died. He said that he never felt like he had a home to return to again as she represented "home" to him. Do you get that? Not a building. Not bricks. Just the FEELING of home. I would say that is a pretty significant and powerful role to play in one's life - a role that provided the beginning of life, and safety, security, belonging, and a right sense of self. Wow.
You are beautifully loved in every way. Oh, how you are loved at the core!
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139: 14-15
-Dee M. Kostelyk
