Grace

It is encouraging to bear witness to someone who has walked through a gut-wrenching season of life and see how it has both softened and strengthened them - to see the new humility and grace - to hear the wisdom. Those are the ones who don't stop working it out believing they have arrived, but understand the pitfalls of the journey and their daily need of God. 

They do not forget where they were. They remember how the Lord graciously moved them from pit to ground (sometimes, several times over) with tears of gratitude in their eyes. 

Moving from shame to experiencing whatever God was giving them - forgiveness, a fresh start, or holy comfort - they now want to extend that to others. Their eyes see people, even dimly, how Jesus sees them.

Those are the people whose joy you want a piece of. Those are the people who make you feel safe, accepted, and loved.

Yet sadly, there are others who come through pain still masking pain. They have things smoldering on the inside that have yet to be put out by Jesus and instead they work these things out on others.

They remember the pit they were in with shame and in an effort to stifle that, they criticize and hold others under trial in contempt. Their ability to extend mercy is weak at best because they feel deep down they are not worthy of it, either.

In the same way, they wrestle with jealousy and resentment toward the brother or sister who has risen to solid ground from trial, however that may look. They secretly come up with reasons why that person doesn't deserve (any) victory.

It's a rather miserable place to be.

Make no mistake, it hurts to be on the receiving end of this. A friend you had been vulnerable with now no longer looks at you. The person who was with you in the pit is now jealous you made your way out of it and doesn't know his place anymore.

Some people are wonderful helpers because they know where they have been and now they love to help others who are in that place. 

Others are wonderful helpers because they know where they have been and helping keeps them thinking they are superior to the one they are helping.

It is painful to be on the receiving end of someone's self-righteous mess. It hurts to feel like you are not a person but a project. It hurts to feel that friendship - or just plain, love - is conditional. It feels absolutely crappy to be embraced in fellowship only to be kicked out when perceived to have failed.

The elitist club is made up of people full of pain who are not working a true recovery from trial. Their puffed up chests and pharicaical nonsense are keenly seen by those in their wake while being closely protected by the false prophet, himself.

At this, I pause. I take a breath or maybe it's more like a sigh of resignation because, are we not a bunch of both? Granted, some are more one than the other and I know with whom I'd rather spend my time and give my heart. But, none of us ever work out our pain perfectly. Shoot, we can all be puffed up fools.

But, we can get better. We can get back to what we know is the truth. We are sorry-ass sinners saved by the grace, mercy and love of Jesus Christ. 

Today, is a great day to ask God for forgiveness and for help to start anew. Today, is a great day to extend forgiveness to someone else. Today, is a great day to say you are sorry to someone you hurt.

Today, is also a great time to start forgiving yourself. "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:1) 

Jesus set us free so let us live in that as we show our world and our friend the same grace, mercy and love that has been so freely given to us.

Joy and Peace be yours,

Dee M. Kostelyk

Willing to Learn

Am I willing to be taught by God? The quick answer is "yes, of course." The answer after experiencing bitter disappointment, long-standing grief, or failure, might look differently.

My natural inclination is to make a go of it my way. I might mix a little bit of God in there, but I still tend to move with my agenda, hopes and dreams.

The reality is that the Christian walk is in part wrought with potholes, bad weather, and dreams that die. Jesus told us we would have troubles. Am I still able to grasp the grace God has given me in order to pause amidst my pain, sit before Him, listen, and learn? 

Recently, I received news that quickly and unexpectedly knocked my legs out from underneath me. It was on the heels of another situation that also took me by surprise, and not in a good way. 

I got on my knees and poured my heart out to God. I shared my hopes and dreams even though I knew He already knew them. (Sometimes, we have to speak these things out loud, not for Him, but for ourselves). 

I said, "Lord, you know me. You know how I am with this stuff. It's been a long time that I have been waiting. It feels forever since I've been able to plan or secure any type of future."

Let me interrupt by acknowledging that we actually all live in the now and it is only the Lord who holds our future. However, sometimes it doesn't matter what you know to be true. What actually matters, is opening up your real, human, and broken heart to the Lord.

In all of His "Abba-Daddyness" He said to me with the warmest voice and kindest eyes, "Yes, I do know you and I know that you can do this."

And so, in soundless prayer I received what God said as a few of my tightly sewn seems popped open in surrender. 

I want to learn how to trust God like I never have before. I want to set my dreams to the side so I can see Him better.

Does this mean that God doesn't care about my dreams or the desires of my heart? Does it mean He wasn't privy to the scenarios in my head of how it was all going to be? Quite the contrary. 

I think I'm beginning to see that the desires of my heart are found when the clutter in my life is moved to the side and I sit at the desk of life with my Teacher.

I want God's desires to become my own. I want the kind of faith that says "this boat will not sink" even as it is filling up with water. It's in me. I know that.

I also know that at times my faith is as flimsy as ever and I'm ruled by my senses, especially when I'm hit with something that touches the raw in me.

That's why I need my Teacher. At the end of the day I know where my help comes from. 

I want to end by sharing something I read this afternoon in John 11. It was when Jesus was going to comfort Mary and Martha upon the death of their brother, Lazarus. 

Mary ran to greet Jesus and she fell at His feet, crying. Behind her was a crowd of Jews also mourning. Verse 33 says that Jesus was "deeply moved in spirit and troubled." Verse 35 says "Jesus wept." Verse 38 says that Jesus was "once more deeply moved."

Moving ahead to chapter 12:45 Jesus says, "When he (man) looks at me, he sees the one who sent me." This is important because if we are to understand who God is then we need only to look at how Jesus presented himself on earth as God and human in one. Jesus had emotions. Jesus felt. He knew and He empathized. 

That is the character of God our Teacher.

When we sit in that hard and cold desk chair, and we are not understanding the subject, He knows this. Tell Him you want to learn and ask Him to show you the way.

We have to be willing to learn in whatever our given situation is, if we want to fully live.

We have a wonderful Teacher and He loves us.