Bravery Through Addiction: A Little Story

I did not take many photographs today, just a lot of walking off the path which felt good. I was thinking about work yesterday. It was not an easy shift but there was a piece of time that I got to spend with a resident that gave real meaning to my day, and hopefully hers as well. She was crying at one of those gut levels, where the sobs were coming from deep within and so I just sat with her and told her I was with her. After a few minutes of this she sat up. She explained about the relapse of drugs and alcohol, and the quick death of her mother a few months ago. Everything in her posture and eyes spoke of shame and regret. And now, without the things that were able (though not quite) to numb her out, she was left reeling and FEELING. The dam had broken.  

I don't think the general population grasps the depth of courage it takes for a person to feel the numbing agents held so closely and for so long, slip through their fingers and have to walk forward without it. It's terrifying. That God would allow me the privilege of sitting bedside this kind of courage blew me away. It was raw, front and center. It reached out to me and for a second I got to feel it. I got to know it. 

So, the next time I, or any one of us, want to diminish or look down on the one who may struggle differently than we do, climb out of the pit one foot upon a rock at a time, we ought to look in a mirror. I'm humbled by what God had me see - the bravery and courage of a true warrior who will go unnoticed by most because we just don't get it, BUT SHE WON'T GO UNNOTICED BY JESUS. Go girl, go.

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk

Abba Speaks

We definitely can hear from God. He speaks in countless ways unique to each of us and He sure does surprise me on many occasion, like this morning. 

As I turned off the main path in Waterfall Glen so I could be alone, I asked God to speak to me. I said I needed counsel, but then I said I was open to whatever it was He wanted me to know. I also made it clear that I didn't want to hear my own thoughts, just His.

I found a big slab of cement to sit on because it was directly in the sun. That felt wonderful and I was tempted to lay on it and would have, except that it was soaked with wet moss and my feet were already wet. 

I sat there and focused on God but then got distracted by a leaf with snow on it and then thought about lying on the wet moss, anyway. My thoughts went from focused on hearing God to other things and back again. I felt distracted and frustrated with my seeming inability to make God my priority.

I'm not sure, writer though I am, that I can explain with words how God then spoke to my heart. I'll try, because the message here is important. God said, "Do what it is you want to do" in the kindest, most tender and soft way, and I could hear the smile in His voice. 

I knew instantly what He meant. What I really wanted to do was soak in the sun and not think too much. What I really wanted was to walk beneath the blue sky and feel the cold air on my face. The real yearning inside me was to look for beauty that I could photograph. I wanted to be untethered.

God was giving me permission to do just that! As I continued to sit with my face toward the sun, tears fell down my cheeks at the surprising tenderness of my Abba Dad. I did not expect that from Him. I thought He was going to give me a wise word of counsel and advice. But, the thing is, He was giving that to me, only in a way that I did not see coming. He was going to teach me something important about Himself.

He was going to teach me something about what I meant to Him.

Without a doubt, God impressed straight to my heart that His desire was to see me experience the joy of His gifts in my life. He told me that it made Him happy to see me in nature. He enjoyed watching me take photographs, looking at the blue sky and feeling the warmth of the sun! I could also feel His sadness over my repeated need to perform and strive for goodness.  He said, "Go take your photographs, daughter, and have fun. That is what I want for you right now." 

That kind of love without one single condition made me pause, putting it mildly. How could the God of the universe simply want to watch me take photographs? He was letting me know how much He enjoyed my company. Wait. What? 

That was His wise counsel - hey, I love you, Dee. I'm your Dad. Let's have some fun, together. You go be you and I'll watch you with pleasure because no matter how old you get, you're always going to be my girl. You're a delight to me! 

Awe man, cry me a river.

What a lesson. It took a little bit to sink in and when it did, I let it penetrate the core of me over and over as I walked through the woods.

I hope (and pray) you can understand that the Lord God Almighty is your Abba Dad - your uncomplicated Dad. He is not far removed from you. He does not stand over you waiting to catch you at a mistake, ready to scowl and criticize. He is many things and there is no way to adequately describe how extraordinary He is, but please don't forget that He is your Dad. His kind of love is not of this world and it can never touch or compare to human love. Yet, we can experience this real love, today.

God actually likes us. 

I was ready to hear a piece of deep counsel for my life this morning. I ended up getting it in the form of Abba's tender voice saying, "Go do what you want to do." No striving or performance was necessary.

He parted the Red Sea, gave Moses the Ten Commandments, sent His Son to us, and likes to watch me take photographs. Something big yet tiny got put back together for me this morning. I feel like a loved daughter. Free and clear.

Oh, how I love Him, so.

"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk