Wonderment to Thrive

Two weeks ago I had surgery (falling under the umbrella of the breast cancer I had over two years ago) and two days ago I could hardly get out of bed with a fever. Today, I am at the beach. It's cloudy and windy but the sun is supposed to peek out in the next hour. The waves are huge and crashing making me feel like I'm at the ocean, instead of Lake Michigan. Hardly anyone is here today which is my favorite. I love being out in nature, feeling like I am the only one. The first thing I did when I got here was go for a mile and a half walk along the shore. I asked the Lord to help me find more heart shaped stones and a few pieces of glass would be nice, too. I cried on and off as I walked. I had tears of joy for the way that God had healed my body in so many ways. I felt gratitude pour out of me for the Healer God has been in my life. 

I also felt sadness at the things missing in my life but honestly, the gratitude and joy were stronger. I ended up finding several heart-shaped stones, a large piece of broken clear glass with soft edges, and most remarkably, my eyes led me to the coolest piece of red, very weathered, almost heart-shaped, piece of glass. At first I thought it was an odd stone, but the more I examined it the more I could see that it was glass smoothed out by being tossed to and fro underwater for some time. What a treasure. Instead of putting it in my little clear sandwich bag, I clutched it in my palm until I got back to my chair. It is an interesting concept to think about how the more weathered the glass, the smoother and prettier it is. Maybe in some ways, we are the same.

You know, ultimately we are the ones to take care of ourselves. I am not promoting self-reliance like the rest of the world so let me explain. If we want to improve the quality of our life and make changes, there is no one who can do that for us. At the end of the day, we have to pick up the hammer and swing. Part of that is taking time to wonder. It is taking time to create and imagine. It is taking time to stand in solitude at the edge of the water, feel the wind in your face, notice the blue-green of the crashing water reflecting the cloudy sky, and just breathe. It is partnering up with God on an adventure to find a heart in the sand. It is thanking God that two days ago you couldn't get out of bed and today you're walking a mile in bare feet. It is recalling how little you knew of this wondrous, fun, and adventurous Abba Father years ago but now you do! It is knowing in your heart of hearts that He has taken a thumb to dry your tear and situated you under His wings which hold the warmest love ever to be found while here. It is wondering how He is going to do it. It is imagining Him standing across the way commanding His angels concerning you. It is knowing He is for you. It is resting in Him. 

I understand perfectly well that sometimes we are in no emotional or physical capacity to enter into wonderment. I get that. But, we sure aren't going to find it if we don't make the time to look for it. 

Hands down, from my personal experience, one of the best remedies for pain in my life has been spending quality time in the wonderment of my heavenly Father, the King of all kings. For me, it is often found in nature. I even sleep with my windows wide open so I can hear the rain and the breeze, the birds in the morning, and smell the fresh air. Give me, give me, give me! If our days are spent consistently confined, under stress, in the midst of melancholy, focused on getting from one point to the next, then we are missing out on some of the most precious and dear daily blessings from God! We are missing out on that felt experience with God where all the other stuff has no choice but to fade away. Our brains need this, not to survive, but to thrive. 

In this journey of wonderment I have found much freedom. I think I was tentative at first, sort of testing the waters of seeing how vulnerable I could be with God. Would He think I was stupid? Would He roll His eyes at my ideas? Would He make fun of what I found? Would He somehow shame me for my excitement or worse, belittle my unadulterated self as I came forth? 

What I actually found, was the opposite. The more vulnerable I became, the harder He cheered me on. The more of me that came out, the more that was validated. He encouraged me to wonder with Him. He gave me more things to search and find. He drew on the treasure hunter I think I've always been. He has never belittled me or who I am. In fact, I don't think I have cringed in anticipation of that in quite a while. Somewhere along the way, I have just gotten so safe with God that it is rarely an issue. My Jehovah Rapha does heal.

Whether you have found yourself confined because of physical conditions or just plain conditions of the heart, wonderment is still to be found with God. It always will be. No one and nothing can separate you from God's love and within His love is wonderment at the world around us as well as the fact of His living presence within us. We can go anywhere with God. 

"You are the Lord, you alone. You have made heaven, the heaven of heavens, with all their host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them; and you preserve all of them; and the host of heaven worships you." Nehemiah 9:6

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk