Recovery

I'd like to give encouragement to all those who are recovering right now from some sort of struggle -  the loss of a job, home, loved one, dream or marriage. Maybe it's a long illness, accident, or some sort of trauma or abuse you are healing from. It could also be eating issues, drugs, pornography, alcohol, unhealthy relationships, anxiety or depression. You may fill in your personal blank.

By the grace of God through sweat and tears, you have moved through to a different phase. Some of those chains have been cut down. Eyes are more clear. You can breathe better. There is joy. And yet, from time to time there are pot holes, obstacles, and unforeseen setbacks. 

This can bring on a fresh onslaught of discouragement and even grief. One can wonder if they are even healing at all. It's painful as we fall to our knees (again) asking for God's help and direction while feelings of shame threaten to take us out. 

To this person I want to say, "congratulations" because you are not back where you started. Do not believe that lie. Your forward and down again have not been wasted. It's been hard work on this path you're on. 

Often, the hardest work of recovery is done in the mind and quiet spaces where only Jesus can see. He is aware of the hard tasks you do, daily. Putting in another day is still another day of victory. God  is rooting for you.

The way you have taken your pain and used it to care for others has blessed the heart of Jesus. He is "El Roi" the God who sees you. What that means is that He *knows* you - all the ins and outs that make up your heart and mind. He cares for you. He loves who he sees. The changes you've made are significant to Him. 

Backward steps and miserable days do not discount your recovery through Christ! You are better than you were even as you have more to recover from. That is actually a healthy process for life.

May we all be people who continually grow until we are welcomed into our heavenly home.

You are some of the bravest and brightest fighters on the planet who truly grasp the meaning of grace - my kind of comrads! 

God's mercies are brand new each morning and great is His faithfulness to you (Lamentations 3:23). 

Surround yourself with wise and compassionate supporters. A few of those are like gold! 

Stay away from the ones who want to see you fail - the shamers, condemners and people who very mistakenly think they are better than you. Give them grace while maintaining healthy boundaries. Some people won't ever get it and that's okay. 

Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. Anything else is man-made.

You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength (Philippians 4:13). 

Don't lose heart. You can do it, today. 

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14. Alleluia for that!

Well done, friend. Keep going.

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk

My Extraordinary

The thought came to me today that having God in my life is really the most extraordinary blessing. 

Who else gives counsel when I need it any time of day? How many times in my car have I had to turn the radio off to talk with Him or steal away to the bathroom at work to take a deep breath and ask for His help? 

I've uttered silent prayers more times than I can count. He has told me where to go when I didn't know. He has spoken through me when I wouldn't have had the words, otherwise. 

When I have felt afraid, worthless or alone, He has set my mind right and told me of my value. He has rooted for me when I didn't think I could do it. He has challenged me again and again to be myself and to be brave. 

He has received my intercessory prayers on behalf of others and has acted. In turn, He has moved in my life on behalf of the prayers offered by friends and family.

Praises have sometimes been so great that they were silent, with the only evidence being tears on my cheeks. 

When my well has been dry and bitter, or I've been utterly confused, He hasn't turned away from me. He has sought me and waited with eyes that contained endless pools of grace and understanding.

His correction and discipline have been intertwined around me with love.

Even now, I sit with His word on my lap open to Proverbs 3: 21 & 22 "(My Dee), preserve sound judgement and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck."  Well, there you have it - instruction for how to proceed today and a gold nugget to hold closely. I didn't have to go anywhere or put my shoes on. I didn't have to pay for anything or go through rules, policies, red tape or even get myself presentable. 

God makes relationship with Himself, simple. 

He is the omnipresent mountain moving King who inclines His face toward us to brush our tears away.

Or, empower us to have faith in the midst of bleakness.

Or, just simply share a laugh.

He is extraordinary in every way and I am His, through and through.

Oh, how I love Him.

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk

No Lost Causes

 

Recently, while working, I had a person ask me if I thought some people were better off killing themselves and not being here. It was a sincere question I could tell this person had given thought to.

I had no time to formulate a professional answer but I didn't need it.

My immediate answer was, "no" and it came from both my heart and experience. I will never believe that an individual is without hope. If that were the case, I might as well hang up my faith in Jesus Christ and my career in mental health, altogether.

I could sense what this person was thinking: What about someone who has no one and nothing, and at every turn there is nothing but darkness, pain and despair? My heart filled with compassion and understanding at all that was behind this bravely and honestly asked question.

I have zero doubt about the agony people experience every day all around our world. I know the things that have rocked my own world. I have looked despair in the eyes. I have sat in pools of it with others.

Yet, all life is still deeply valuable. There are countless miraculous stories of those who took a step in the darkness...and then another...and another. Some did it seemingly alone, grasping on to a dying flame somewhere inside of them while others held on to the rescue of another's hand. Yet, others were thrust back to life against their will, only to find a crack by which they could escape from their hell-on-earth into a life they never dreamed possible.

I do not care what culture imposes, I will always stand on the fact that life is valuable and precious in the name of Jesus. I believe everyone has a purpose. I believe everyone has something to offer.

Jesus came so that we may have life.

I believe in HOPE.

Bravo to all who are walking through the darkness a step at a time.

Bravo to all those who are sharing their stories in an effort to heal as they have been healed.

Miracle-working God does not live in a box.

There is no such thing as a "lost cause."

I cannot say it enough. You matter greatly to Him.

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk

A Better Way

I was thinking on my way home from work about how people's lives are complex. In the middle of real success and great strides, are steps backward and seeming failure. We can hold hatred and love at the same time for the same person. We can have empathy and compassion with pieces of bitterness and resentment running through. We can forgive and let go of one offense and harbor another for a lifetime. We can mess up, only to turn the corner and do something pretty special. What works for one person or family, wouldn't for another. What one can accept, another couldn't or wouldn't. 

I bring this up because sometimes it feels like, myself included, we impose our way of walking through a situation onto someone else. Or, our belief must be someone else's. Even more, our experience should match another's. Or, how about my reasoning should make perfect sense to you? These are mistakes and can lead to disappointment, hurt, miscommunication and even burnout. 

Trying to frame another person's complex life with our cut and dry solution is a time waster. Very few things in life are cut and dry, especially people. And, people are not things. 

This might be a good time to refrain from telling someone how we think they should or should not struggle. It might be a good time for self-reflection and to consider our own complexity. 

We can do this at the cross. There is something powerful there. It's the place of greatest truth and most profound love. It is where we offer all the complexities of who we are in safety because God's love is secure. In doing this, we feel Jesus's acceptance. We can dare to lift our chin to meet the warm love in His eyes. 

When we walk away there is renewal. We feel less critical and more gracious. There is a desire to be edifying and root for people instead of the urge to control, doubt, or judge. 

The "yuck" diminishes and that feels good.

Thank you Jesus for always showing us a better way to be.

Dee M. Kostelyk

Grace

It is encouraging to bear witness to someone who has walked through a gut-wrenching season of life and see how it has both softened and strengthened them - to see the new humility and grace - to hear the wisdom. Those are the ones who don't stop working it out believing they have arrived, but understand the pitfalls of the journey and their daily need of God. 

They do not forget where they were. They remember how the Lord graciously moved them from pit to ground (sometimes, several times over) with tears of gratitude in their eyes. 

Moving from shame to experiencing whatever God was giving them - forgiveness, a fresh start, or holy comfort - they now want to extend that to others. Their eyes see people, even dimly, how Jesus sees them.

Those are the people whose joy you want a piece of. Those are the people who make you feel safe, accepted, and loved.

Yet sadly, there are others who come through pain still masking pain. They have things smoldering on the inside that have yet to be put out by Jesus and instead they work these things out on others.

They remember the pit they were in with shame and in an effort to stifle that, they criticize and hold others under trial in contempt. Their ability to extend mercy is weak at best because they feel deep down they are not worthy of it, either.

In the same way, they wrestle with jealousy and resentment toward the brother or sister who has risen to solid ground from trial, however that may look. They secretly come up with reasons why that person doesn't deserve (any) victory.

It's a rather miserable place to be.

Make no mistake, it hurts to be on the receiving end of this. A friend you had been vulnerable with now no longer looks at you. The person who was with you in the pit is now jealous you made your way out of it and doesn't know his place anymore.

Some people are wonderful helpers because they know where they have been and now they love to help others who are in that place. 

Others are wonderful helpers because they know where they have been and helping keeps them thinking they are superior to the one they are helping.

It is painful to be on the receiving end of someone's self-righteous mess. It hurts to feel like you are not a person but a project. It hurts to feel that friendship - or just plain, love - is conditional. It feels absolutely crappy to be embraced in fellowship only to be kicked out when perceived to have failed.

The elitist club is made up of people full of pain who are not working a true recovery from trial. Their puffed up chests and pharicaical nonsense are keenly seen by those in their wake while being closely protected by the false prophet, himself.

At this, I pause. I take a breath or maybe it's more like a sigh of resignation because, are we not a bunch of both? Granted, some are more one than the other and I know with whom I'd rather spend my time and give my heart. But, none of us ever work out our pain perfectly. Shoot, we can all be puffed up fools.

But, we can get better. We can get back to what we know is the truth. We are sorry-ass sinners saved by the grace, mercy and love of Jesus Christ. 

Today, is a great day to ask God for forgiveness and for help to start anew. Today, is a great day to extend forgiveness to someone else. Today, is a great day to say you are sorry to someone you hurt.

Today, is also a great time to start forgiving yourself. "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:1) 

Jesus set us free so let us live in that as we show our world and our friend the same grace, mercy and love that has been so freely given to us.

Joy and Peace be yours,

Dee M. Kostelyk

Willing to Learn

Am I willing to be taught by God? The quick answer is "yes, of course." The answer after experiencing bitter disappointment, long-standing grief, or failure, might look differently.

My natural inclination is to make a go of it my way. I might mix a little bit of God in there, but I still tend to move with my agenda, hopes and dreams.

The reality is that the Christian walk is in part wrought with potholes, bad weather, and dreams that die. Jesus told us we would have troubles. Am I still able to grasp the grace God has given me in order to pause amidst my pain, sit before Him, listen, and learn? 

Recently, I received news that quickly and unexpectedly knocked my legs out from underneath me. It was on the heels of another situation that also took me by surprise, and not in a good way. 

I got on my knees and poured my heart out to God. I shared my hopes and dreams even though I knew He already knew them. (Sometimes, we have to speak these things out loud, not for Him, but for ourselves). 

I said, "Lord, you know me. You know how I am with this stuff. It's been a long time that I have been waiting. It feels forever since I've been able to plan or secure any type of future."

Let me interrupt by acknowledging that we actually all live in the now and it is only the Lord who holds our future. However, sometimes it doesn't matter what you know to be true. What actually matters, is opening up your real, human, and broken heart to the Lord.

In all of His "Abba-Daddyness" He said to me with the warmest voice and kindest eyes, "Yes, I do know you and I know that you can do this."

And so, in soundless prayer I received what God said as a few of my tightly sewn seems popped open in surrender. 

I want to learn how to trust God like I never have before. I want to set my dreams to the side so I can see Him better.

Does this mean that God doesn't care about my dreams or the desires of my heart? Does it mean He wasn't privy to the scenarios in my head of how it was all going to be? Quite the contrary. 

I think I'm beginning to see that the desires of my heart are found when the clutter in my life is moved to the side and I sit at the desk of life with my Teacher.

I want God's desires to become my own. I want the kind of faith that says "this boat will not sink" even as it is filling up with water. It's in me. I know that.

I also know that at times my faith is as flimsy as ever and I'm ruled by my senses, especially when I'm hit with something that touches the raw in me.

That's why I need my Teacher. At the end of the day I know where my help comes from. 

I want to end by sharing something I read this afternoon in John 11. It was when Jesus was going to comfort Mary and Martha upon the death of their brother, Lazarus. 

Mary ran to greet Jesus and she fell at His feet, crying. Behind her was a crowd of Jews also mourning. Verse 33 says that Jesus was "deeply moved in spirit and troubled." Verse 35 says "Jesus wept." Verse 38 says that Jesus was "once more deeply moved."

Moving ahead to chapter 12:45 Jesus says, "When he (man) looks at me, he sees the one who sent me." This is important because if we are to understand who God is then we need only to look at how Jesus presented himself on earth as God and human in one. Jesus had emotions. Jesus felt. He knew and He empathized. 

That is the character of God our Teacher.

When we sit in that hard and cold desk chair, and we are not understanding the subject, He knows this. Tell Him you want to learn and ask Him to show you the way.

We have to be willing to learn in whatever our given situation is, if we want to fully live.

We have a wonderful Teacher and He loves us.

He Fights our Battles

This morning before I even got out of bed, which I didn't feel like doing, a thought went through my mind, "this is bigger than me." 

You can fill the "this" with your own words. What is it today that feels too big for you? What is out of your realm of control? 

There was something freeing about realizing I had to surrender to God. There was something comforting about knowing that I could and that God welcomed my battle. 

He is a protector. He does command His angels concerning us. He does deal with those people, places and things that are "too big." 

Just because you may not see victory with your human eyes, doesn't mean that the Lord isn't on the move on your behalf, in a myriad of ways! "For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory." (Deuteronomy 20:4) "... if God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31) Paul goes on to say that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ, not trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger of the sword! Basically, there is NOTHING - not angels or demons, the present or the future, or any powers, neither height or depth, or anything else in all creation that can take us away from the precious and powerful love of God!

In a practical sense, letting God fight your battle for you looks like going about your day doing the next right thing. Keep moving. Keep trusting. Be kind. Take deep breaths. Experience God. This can all be done while still spiritually resting on the great big shoulders of Jesus Christ. 

Thank you, God Almighty, for fighting our battles for us today. There is no Warrior we trust more! Thank you for having our backs. Thank you that your love has no boundaries or conditions. We marvel at the fact that we can be still and know that you are our mighty and powerful God. Thank you that we can be assured that there is another side. There is your side and we get to be on it with you. Thank you for the victory that is found in this life and definitely in our next life with you!

In Jesus's name, Amen.

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk 

Stay the Course

Some things about following Jesus feel effortless but I have come to experience that more often than not, following Him is not easy. 

It is hard when you are in the office and someone is repeatedly taking God's name in vain, to speak up and say something. It is hard to turn the other cheek when someone has brutally wounded you. It feels like being stretched, extending forgiveness to someone who isn't sorry. It is hard to leave a party by yourself because you don't like the atmosphere. It doesn't always feel good to do the right thing. Sometimes, it's lonely.

It is exhausting to be in the wilderness and have to climb the tree one limb at a time in order to even get a glimpse of the horizon. Sometimes, when you get to the top, it's just fog. It is hard to believe in what you cannot see. It is hard to pray for the 789th time for the same situation or person to heal and change. 

It can be a lonely road even among other people who follow Jesus. Speaking up in a church a meeting can bring on heart palpitations and sweating. Knowing your faith is silently ridiculed simply because it doesn't look the same as someone else's can grow a pit in your stomach.

Choosing to trust when everything is falling apart yet again, is tiring. Stepping out of the boat to walk on water, when you feel like you have everything to lose, takes guts. Some days, our guts are gone. 

Believing a vision the Lord has laid on our heart when no one else sees it, is scary. Knowing full well that you are going to offend people is tough. Being shamed, judged, and criticized for what you hold dear to your heart, hurts. Being misunderstood, and even worse, not wanting to be understood, can pull on every insecurity we have. 

Not following along with rules, policies, mandates, and guidelines that tear at the core of our faith can be exhausting, especially when you're one of only a few voices. 

Being harshly judged (hated, even) by those who know nothing about you can feel awful. Shaming. Unfair.

As one of my close friends put it, the Christian walk is grueling. It is about perseverance and resiliency, often in the face of hardship. We keep walking because of Who our focus is on. We keep walking because of God's grace lifting up the soles of our feet. 

He is where it is at. His loved started it. 

The more you know Him, the more in love you become, and the more in love you become, the more sure you are that there is no one else in all the universe you want to belong to. 

His love has lifted us. It has brought us out of despair. It has empowered us to be more loving.

We believe Who He is and we believe all of what He says, not just bits and pieces.

Grueling, it is. But, it is also a mighty gift; it is a relationship with our Christ who takes us on the ride of a life time. 

We don't even deserve it. He gave up His life for us so that we could be with Him. We cannot express our gratitude enough.

Stay the course, my friends. We must continue gathering together and praying for one another. We must continue to share about God's goodness and express His love. 

Be who God created you to be. 

You are dearly loved and the best is yet to come.

Galatians 6:9 "So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up."

Hebrews 12:1 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us."

Romans 5:3-5 "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love."

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk

Fool for Jesus

I've been doing a lot of thinking this morning with (good) silent tears falling down my cheeks. 

I would rather be a fool for Jesus. 

I would rather be a dreamer - one who hopes and has visions, claims on Earth as it is in heaven, and one who thanks God in advance for what He has done even though I can't see it yet. 

I want to be someone who approaches the throne of God with boldness and confidence - one who seeks, knocks, and asks with perseverance. 

I like the image of running toward Abba Daddy with muddy knees, a snot nose, and pigtails flying in the middle of the war torn because I see Him and He is enough.

May I blow past naysayers, skeptics, and pharisaical rule keepers as I call forth in the name of Jesus. 

May I be one who actually believes scripture and God's promises and who knows that 2,000 years ago is still today and seas are still being parted. 

I would rather trip, fall, fail and believe than be a dead bag of bones on the Sunday pew missing out on the loving promises of God. 

I want my energy placed in faith and hope, as well as the relationships that encourage this.

My Jesus is a miracle worker. My Jesus is a Life Giver. May I delightfully claim this all the days of my life.

I love Him, so!

Dee M. Kostelyk

Keep Up the Great Work!

Most of the Christian life is spent doing life. It's not in the miraculous of dry ground in the parted Red Sea or at the podium witnessing a thousand converts. It's in every day when you punch a time clock, rock a baby to sleep, or call a friend. It's when you swallow your pride, hold your tongue, or offer a second chance. It's in the night when you curl around your prayers and in the day when you step out in faith. It's messy, hot and dusty. It has you walking on the straight until you turn a corner and it's all uphill. 

There are often no rewards or recognition. There is no chart tallying your points. The great characters of the Bible had monumental moments, no doubt. But even those were moments, days, or at best, seasons. They too, had to gather what they ate. 

Maybe the next best thing is the very thing God put in front of you and the very ground your feet seem to be on, today. 

Psalm 139:2 talks about how God knows when we sit and rise and what our thoughts are. There are multiple scriptures which speak of His love, promises, instructions, plans, and desire for us to wait on Him.

Each day is a new opportunity to bring God glory and honor. Sometimes, we feel it's a whole lot and sometimes it feels like a little. If we wait for a grand opportunity or an expanse of territory, then we will miss the very heart of Jesus who spent much of His time simply, being.  He walked, taught, healed, ate, visited and loved. His humility was an earth shaker; His power needed no show. 

Day to day Jesus made His way to the cross and blew our minds with His death and resurrection. He rocked the world with His love.

The woman who touched the hem of Jesus's garment knew something about being rocked by this love while on a crowded street. I imagine her day started out pretty much like all the others did yet, unbeknownst to her, the extraordinary was  around the corner. 

We often celebrate success in today's church with big  - attendance, converts, recognition, titles, money, supporters and giftedness - now. However, we need to remember that within those are still painstaking slowness, seemingly unanswered prayers, stagnation, misgivings, ordinary hard work - eating, drinking, sleeping and waking up. 

I want to encourage you, follower of Jesus, that your mouth, hands, and feet can bring God glory, today. 

That thing you did last week and what you're doing today, matter. These days will add up to a different kind of grand on God's scale as you mature in Him and rock your own corner with His love.

Keep up the great work!                                                    Dee M. Kostelyk

Reflections from a Position of Rest

Since resigning from a special position I held for eight years, I have had down time to process and reflect. These are a few of those reflections about work and life. May they encourage or at least inspire you wherever you find yourself, today:

- I am definitely still growing into the woman God created me to be and into the truth of who I am. Being 53 instead of 35 does not make this any different.

- Perseverance matters. The "me" and "now" culture doesn't work. What does work, is putting God first and then people. Sometimes, I'm going to have to wait (a long time). Sometimes, the answer is "no." Sometimes, my voice is going to get lost. I'll live. 

- Putting in hard, unrecognized, and humble work, matters because in that process is incredible learning - learning about my need for God all the time - learning that not everything revolves around me - learning that life promotion of any kind comes better after hard work. 

- God places value on the attitude in which you care for those who are hurting. No action is too minute.

- Life can change in an instant, for the hard, but also for the good. 

- "Good" people lose and sometimes "bad" people win. That's okay. I won't die.

- Smile and say good morning to people because that little stuff matters.

- I've got a really good small tribe of friends.

- Just as I am more weak and insecure than I realized, I am also more brave and resilient.

- Sometimes, I have no one to blame but myself. I won't die from that, either.

- Emotions are tricky. There are definitely times when they do not tell the truth. There are definitely times when they can also become habitual. I have to have a good consciousness of both.

- Sometimes, I don't have an answer. Sometimes, there aren't any answers this side of heaven.

- I can experience victory. I can also experience peace when the world says I shouldn't have any.

- Solitude is a lifesaver. So are open blinds and windows, fresh air, and the ability to see a tiny pretty thing in the middle of an expansive space.

- Professionalism is not synonymous with cold detachment.

- I miss ministry work and it's hard to explain, but that gives me both joy and relief.

- Protocols, rules, and regulations should always make good sense; there should be sufficient support to carry them out and they should benefit both the employee and the client. Otherwise, at best they are merely words in a memo or hand book and at worst, a policy that crumbles at the detriment of employee, client, and the business.

- A good leader should have a decent amount of experience (and immersion) in the front line work of their company. They need to see that what they are promoting and enforcing, actually work well and are doable. This avoids train wrecks on the front lines and is a simple concept of healthy leadership, anywhere.

- It's okay to say, "This does not work for me." It admittedly feels super uncomfortable but I now know that I can say it.

- I am allowed choices in my life but there will be times when I won't get one.

- I am disheartened by the state of mental health care in 2023. I am not okay with much of its agenda. It is wearisome to see the results of our screwed up agenda in the bleeding out of our young people literally and figuratively. I will not back down in my voice or methods of caring for people.

- All of us come with limited capacity. We can be stretched beyond limits in certain areas and feel fine while having a tiny capacity in another area. I need to allow this in myself and others.

- I love my husband. I always have and always will. I appreciate him now more than I ever have. I love the paint on his hands. I love the quiet moment of vulnerability. I love the unassuming bravery. I love resting my face against his cheek. I love that he is my friend.

- The knowledge that someone could actually enjoy a moment of power over me as they watched me struggle, feels terrible. Yet, this is the plight of thousands across the globe as well as next door.

- Fear is a "funny" thing. Left unchecked, it can turn even the best person into a guarded, me-centered, sly rat. Oh, but it's true.

- Camaraderie is a special thing.

- Sometimes, I do not feel much older than an 8-year-old.

- More times than not, the most unlikely person can give me a boost out of nowhere and be a great supporter.

- I need more laughing in my life.

- God is always working on my behalf whether it feels all wrong, I can't see it and I don't understand it. I have years of experience knowing this to be true.

- Without a doubt in my mind, I have been healed and am healing. Without a doubt in my mind, it has all been at the hand of God.

- I respond differently to a lot of things than I used to. This is a good thing.

- Denial and acceptance will often look the same to the outside person watching.

- Harsh punishment for some while not even a slap on the wrist for another, explains many things and none of them are good.

- Moral decay almost never starts out blatantly. Often it begins in the name of good and grows like a weed among it's prey until even darkness is perceived as light.

- I love intellectually stimulating conversation and I need more of it. At the same time, brainless fart jokes work well, too.

- Not everyone is my friend.  It doesn't feel good and I don't like it. However, I think that it's okay. Or, at least it is becoming more okay. 

- Some people are plain miserable. They are akin to sour lemons. Nothing is good. There is something wrong with everyone. The whole world is subpar apart from themselves. I am not referring to the occasional bad day but to someone who is consistently this way week after week, year after year. I can be kind, anyway. And, most certainly, I can discern that in no way do I have to absorb or receive that kind of misery.

- I love people. There is no doubt in my mind that my calling is to work with those who are hurting because I know what that feels like.

- Some people are "diminishers." They get off on making others few small. Those kinds will always be around and can blend in like a chameleon until one day they stand out. They stand out not because they have changed, but because you have. Good for you.

- I love God and I want to keep talking about Him and Who He is. In this sense, I have great confidence.

- There is no perfect workplace. There is no perfect boss or colleague. We are all comprised of various bits of vulnerability and brokenness. 

- Complaints and concerns should be accompanied by solutions or it is simply hot air.

- Not everyone with experience, education, and who is good at their work, is necessarily qualified to be a leader. Being a leader of people requires specific leadership training, a unique set of skills and gifting, and the ability to motivate and encourage those in your care to flourish.

- I can be wrong and I can have regrets. 

- There are more ways than one to be "under the influence." Being programmed and brainwashed is a real thing.

- Coming in last place is completely survivable.

- Most people want to do good.

- My value is not based on a job, career, position or title. I am multi-dimensional. My value comes solely from the One who created me. Unfortunately, I often don't live that way even though I know it to be the truth.

- Gosh, I have spent way too much time believing I was not worth much.

- God, His word, His people, and His creation, have been the best counselors I could ever have.

- I look forward to my future. I can say that and really mean it. Praise the Lord!

- I don't have to be understood by everyone. Period.

- It is humanly natural to blame other people for the things we put into place that don't work. But, in reality, not everything works like we think it's going to. Maturity is when we can replace the blame with going back to the drawing board and reconfiguring a new solution. If it takes 10 times of reconfiguring, at least in the end you'll have a good system. That sure beats repeatedly shooting oneself in the foot ad nauseam, doesn't it? I think I heard somewhere that could be described as insanity.

- I like thinking that a glass is half full. I think I am mostly the half-full, type. 

- Hyper Vigilance is not a state I want to live in anymore. I am now considering Tennessee in the country, where my husband and I can sit on a dilapidated old couch on the front porch and drink coffee together.

- It is okay for me to feel good about myself. It is okay for me to feel satisfaction in my work and to want that. It is okay for me to walk around with my head up instead of looking down at my shoes. It is okay for me to want to make more, do more and be more. These things even sound like "No, duh" to my own ears but I actually doubted these things. Not anymore. I have lost patience for being placed in a shoebox.

- I am so, so grateful. Grateful for what? JUST. PLAIN. GRATEFUL.

- I love words. I want to write more. And, maybe even speak. I have skills. I have dreams. Wow.

- No one can grow for me. No one can mature or heal for me. No one can forgive in my place. I have to put the work in every single day.

- Reflecting and getting everything out has been a cathartic experience.

- Ever conscious of what is appropriate, not all those words made it to the final draft.

- I am looking forward to new beginnings in my life.

Connection and Pride

Below is a quote by author and speaker, Brene Brown that I love. Pride is one of those insidious little things that can come through the cracks unaware and filter into our lives. 

It is good to offer help. We are to be givers. It's Biblical. But, what about acknowledging that we need help? 

We can have no problem asking for help in certain arenas and areas, but not in places where we feel great vulnerability, weakness, or even shame, and of course, that makes sense. We may have no problem buying groceries for someone who needs them but we would not be able to receive the same. We may spend quality time listening attentively and caring for someone and never be the one opening up to someone else. We will stress ourselves out to no end, lose sleep, and belittle our spouse before we ask anyone to help us with a project. We are the toddlers who say, "I do it myself!" We may have no problem serving lunch at a homeless shelter but we would starve before walking into one if we needed it. You get the picture. 

The problem is that this sort of mindset divides people. Do not think for one second that those who find themselves in need, whatever that need may be, don't feel the leveling that goes on and the inward cringe in the gut at being on the receiving end. 

As an example, this is in part why impoverished communities have little trust in those providing help. Please let that sink in. Division is often felt at a profoundly deep level and it impedes physical, emotional, and spiritual health.

I do not care who you are or where you have come from, you need help. There will always be an area where help is needed because Jesus did not die for the healthy, He came for the sick, and we are the sick. 

One of the reasons the early church was so much a piece of heaven on earth is because each gave to the other. What one didn't have, another could supply and vice versa. There was no, "other side of the tracks." Those are the communities that work the best. Those are the churches that work the best - the families, marriages, friendships, co-workers, and neighbors. I see you and you see me. 

We like to say that we are not better than anyone else. We can come across so very humble and godly but shoot, let's admit that it's a false humility because every single one of us has either consciously or subconsciously felt we are better than another person (and by golly, we are not asking for help)! It's called pride and it is a sin we all get entangled in even while we may not be aware of it. The enemy loves the "unaware" part best.

God intended us for healthy and safe connection with each other. Connection is an unbelievable healer. I see it all the time and I know how much it has healed me. Without it, we lose out. We don't arrive at full potential. It makes it hard for authenticity, growth, and maturity the way God designed.

Humble people ask for help. Humble people admit that they need help. Jesus was humble and He is/was King of the universe. 

Shame is a liar.

Pride is foolish.

Truly, let's promote honest and authentic connection in safety, with each other. It's the place where stuff flourishes and you are worth having that.

Orphanages Do Exist

This morning I was thinking about what a privilege God has given me in my career. Working with women in residential treatment has changed my life.  

I grew up in a somewhat affluent white suburban town. I went to a pretty much all white Dutch encased church and Christian school for my growing up years. I continued in this setting for college. I did not see this as a blessing at the time. It was simply normal for me. 

I remember as I got older wanting to get out of "it" and away. I had a sensitivity to and a curiosity about the fringes of this life. 

When I was twelve I recall thinking that some day I was going to work in an orphanage (until that idea was squelched by an older naysayer at the school I went to).

"Orphanages don't exist," I was admonished through pursed lips during a college-readiness meeting. I felt ashamed by my stupidity.

I remember where I was sitting and the expression on the staff's face as if it happened, yesterday.

I now know that this woman was orphaned in a different sense of the word, and didn't have the capacity to see otherwise.

I also have the privilege of my adult self being able to tell that afraid, bold, skinny girl, "Orphanages do exist, Dee. Most of us will have lived there in one way or another. You'll see. The whole lot of us feel displaced and abandoned at times. You'll work there. Put your chin up and keep your dream alive, girl. God is going to use your sensitivity, insight, and passion to make a difference."

So, here I am. Working at an "orphanage."

I am weary of it at times. The moral, physical, emotional, and mental decay feel like they're going to swallow me. 

I am standing in war-torn territory, believe me. It is a spiritual battle on the daily.

I feel I've made a difference and yet no difference at all. The crises feel bigger than any progress.

The needs are gut level. The stories, horrific. The trauma, real.

My own insecurities and insufficiency rise up more than I want to admit. I am challenged on a personal level all the time. 

Don't respond. Respond. Let it go. Care. Be empathic. Smile. Get up. Hope. Rest. Walk away. Forgive. Forgive yourself. Forgive them. Show compassion. Detach.

Why am I triggered? What is going on within me? No time for that now. I've got work to do.

I am told about a ghastly rape.

I am sitting next to someone self-harming with a plastic spoon.

I am placing a pillow behind a woman banging her head.

I am sharing a high five for a victory.

I am trying not to cry as I hear graduation speeches.

I am riding in the ambulance with a suicidal adolescent to the emergency room.

I watch a young adult throw a chair across a room because she wants to go back home to her dad who fathered the child she aborted a few weeks before coming to us.

I share a laugh with several residents during breakfast. 

I hear about the reconciliation of a marriage and a relationship between a mom and her daughter.

I celebrate 30 day sobriety dates, birthdays, and resident talent shows.

I take my aging body and sit on the floor next to women with broken hearts.

I hear about the kind of loss and grief that never get expressed in the church pew or on the suburban sidewalk.

I get to be a part of embracing real, raw, and vulnerable. I get to see shame, squashed.

The most treasured are the times when I get to talk about God and pray with someone.

I am humbled by this orphanage. I am changed for the better because of it. It has taught, stretched, and grown me.

It.

But really, they.

The people.

*

I now can appreciate the blessings of the way that I grew up and the things that God kept me from. I was able to develop with two feet on the ground.

Part of Luke 12:48 says that when much has been given, much will be expected in return. I have often thought of that over the years.

I don't want to give the impression that I always had things easy because I didn't. The point is that even within an imperfect home, church, school, faith, and overall culture, there was good. 

And, not but, I am (so) thankful for the places God has taken me both within and outside of that experience.

The places of pain - fringes, corners, and back alleys of life - the "orphanages" - are experienced by all of us.

Those are the places where the holy happens.

Those are the places where Jesus weeps and where we see His heart, best.

I marvel that I get to be in those spaces. It's a humbling privilege.

Hard, but okay.

I hope I can remain teachable till my last breath. I am hopeless without Him.

I pray that Jesus gives me what I need to keep walking in the holy places where people are hurting for real.

I won't just learn His heart or see His tears. No.

I serve a risen King and He redeems. Holy places are holy because He is holy. May I be cognizant of that with His help.

*

Orphanages do exist and I get to work in one.

Tell About Him

 Psalm 73:21-28

"Then I realized that my heart was bitter,

    and I was all torn up inside. I was so foolish and ignorant—

    I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.

Yet I still belong to you;

    you hold my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel,

    leading me to a glorious destiny.

Whom have I in heaven but you?

    I desire you more than anything on earth.

My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,

    but God remains the strength of my heart;

    he is mine forever.

Those who desert him will perish,

    for you destroy those who abandon you.

But as for me, how good it is to be near God!

    I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter,

    and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do."

First, this scripture... It is me. I couldn't say it any better.

This morning I was ready to google something pertaining to mental health I wanted to learn more about. There is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with seeking counsel, taking medication, reading a book that can help, doing research or finding a doctor. I'm all for it. And, that being said, I can say with confidence, when it comes to needing the deepest of the deep help for my soul, nothing will ever compare to the love and wisdom of God's word spread throughout the Bible. Nothing this world has to offer, and I mean NOTHING, has satisfied me like Jesus Christ. He is the strength of my heart and guides me with counsel like no other. I have come to a place in my life where I do desire Him more than anything else. I couldn't say that a few years ago, but I feel grateful that I can, today. This morning and for always, I will tell about all the wonderful things that He does.

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk

Keep the Faith!

How easy it is to feel like giving up and mistake obedience for insanity or hope for foolishness - to feel perseverance is in vain, or a desert the sign of failure. The world affirms these lies. Friends and family can affirm these lies. Even our brothers and sisters in Christ know not what they say at times.

We want results, yesterday, for the work we put in. Our ability to get up after falling is not bad. Our ability to get up after falling 378 times? Not so good. 

We can maybe forgive that person seven times but c'mon, seventy times seven? What am I? An idiot? The "world" yells that you are indeed, an idiot - maybe even an idiot with a diagnosis in need of a good therapist. Not true.

It's been years and you have literally been praying daily for God to work in a situation that has gotten worse. Clearly, you must be stupid, God isn't listening, or you're not praying the right way. Maybe you are being punished for that thing you did the other day or your situation is too much for God. It could be that His agenda doesn't include you. More untruths.

There are inner demons you have been trying to conquer. Now, it feels those demons are conquering you. Your hands keep sliding downward as you try to crawl out of the pit. A mocking spirit is spitting shame and failure in your face convincing you it's no use trying anymore. Lies.

Holding faith is not easy, especially when things have gone majorly awry. It is undoubtedly hard to walk when you can't see your hand in front of your face. It is painful to be at that place where you yearn for a break, an answer, and a glimmer of anything resembling hope. You can start to question your sanity.

Discouragement, weariness, abandonment, and worthlessness do not discriminate. Do you know how I really, truly know this? Because, even Jesus Christ experienced it. The Bible says that He is well acquainted with our grief and understands our temptations and weaknesses. He felt betrayed and abandoned, and at times wondered what good He was accomplishing. 

I am grateful that Jesus did not give up. What a horror the alternative would be.

Could it be then, that the results are less important than the heart of the laborer and the One to Whom that laborer is committed? That's a hard truth to come by, but is it not a treasure? I think it is. 

Our faith is never in vain.

Do not give up.

Even when your prayer feels preposterous. 

God does not mock you. On the contrary, He holds your faith reverently to His heart.

You are safe to persevere because God is trustworthy.

"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hebrews 11:1

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk

Much in One

The thing about God (and yet how could He be defined in a thing) is that He is much in one for me. He is the great I AM. His ways are beyond mine. He is omnipotent and mighty and the most Extraordinary of the extraordinary. 

I close my eyes and imagine the powerful force of Him sweeping through the universe. He orchestrates the crumbling of a mountain and the rise of a people. His hand forms a cloud and His voice scatters the dust. He reaches into the furthest galaxy even as He oversees the minute creature crawling along the ocean floor in search of food. And, that brings me to the very intimacy of Him.

How can it be that God is mindful of me? (Psalm 8:4) He has smiled upon me and shared a laugh. He has made sure my feet are warm. He has given me the taste of a cookie and the perfect shot behind my camera lens. He has helped me sleep. God has answered my questions and challenged me with His own. He has healed my body and soothed my broken heart. 

God knows me from the crown of my head to my toes. He is well acquainted with all that I am. He meets me. He holds me. He fills me. What else can I say (but a thousand more words)?

He is Lion and Lamb

"Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, indeed everything that is in the heavens and the earth; Yours is the dominion, O Lord, and You exalt Yourself as head over all." 1 Chronicles 29:1

"You are so intimately aware of me, Lord. You read my heart like an open book and you know all the words I'm about to speak before I even start a sentence!" Psalm 139: 3-4

There is blessing found in all of Him. To be aware and have honor and reverence for the God of the universe is important. He is limitless and boundless. He will never fit inside of a box. I bow before Him figuratively and literally. He is my holy God and I am so very glad.

He is worthy of my knees on the floor.

Additionally significant, is to experience the close intimacy He created me to have with Him. He knows the color of my eyes and how I sound when I sleep. Zephaniah 3:17 says that the Lord delights in us, quiets us with His love and rejoices over us with singing. 

The I AM on the throne likes me.

He is much in one and that makes me feel safe and cherished, as it should.

It is the same truth for you, child of God.

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk