Reflections from a Position of Rest

Since resigning from a special position I held for eight years, I have had down time to process and reflect. These are a few of those reflections about work and life. May they encourage or at least inspire you wherever you find yourself, today:

- I am definitely still growing into the woman God created me to be and into the truth of who I am. Being 53 instead of 35 does not make this any different.

- Perseverance matters. The "me" and "now" culture doesn't work. What does work, is putting God first and then people. Sometimes, I'm going to have to wait (a long time). Sometimes, the answer is "no." Sometimes, my voice is going to get lost. I'll live. 

- Putting in hard, unrecognized, and humble work, matters because in that process is incredible learning - learning about my need for God all the time - learning that not everything revolves around me - learning that life promotion of any kind comes better after hard work. 

- God places value on the attitude in which you care for those who are hurting. No action is too minute.

- Life can change in an instant, for the hard, but also for the good. 

- "Good" people lose and sometimes "bad" people win. That's okay. I won't die.

- Smile and say good morning to people because that little stuff matters.

- I've got a really good small tribe of friends.

- Just as I am more weak and insecure than I realized, I am also more brave and resilient.

- Sometimes, I have no one to blame but myself. I won't die from that, either.

- Emotions are tricky. There are definitely times when they do not tell the truth. There are definitely times when they can also become habitual. I have to have a good consciousness of both.

- Sometimes, I don't have an answer. Sometimes, there aren't any answers this side of heaven.

- I can experience victory. I can also experience peace when the world says I shouldn't have any.

- Solitude is a lifesaver. So are open blinds and windows, fresh air, and the ability to see a tiny pretty thing in the middle of an expansive space.

- Professionalism is not synonymous with cold detachment.

- I miss ministry work and it's hard to explain, but that gives me both joy and relief.

- Protocols, rules, and regulations should always make good sense; there should be sufficient support to carry them out and they should benefit both the employee and the client. Otherwise, at best they are merely words in a memo or hand book and at worst, a policy that crumbles at the detriment of employee, client, and the business.

- A good leader should have a decent amount of experience (and immersion) in the front line work of their company. They need to see that what they are promoting and enforcing, actually work well and are doable. This avoids train wrecks on the front lines and is a simple concept of healthy leadership, anywhere.

- It's okay to say, "This does not work for me." It admittedly feels super uncomfortable but I now know that I can say it.

- I am allowed choices in my life but there will be times when I won't get one.

- I am disheartened by the state of mental health care in 2023. I am not okay with much of its agenda. It is wearisome to see the results of our screwed up agenda in the bleeding out of our young people literally and figuratively. I will not back down in my voice or methods of caring for people.

- All of us come with limited capacity. We can be stretched beyond limits in certain areas and feel fine while having a tiny capacity in another area. I need to allow this in myself and others.

- I love my husband. I always have and always will. I appreciate him now more than I ever have. I love the paint on his hands. I love the quiet moment of vulnerability. I love the unassuming bravery. I love resting my face against his cheek. I love that he is my friend.

- The knowledge that someone could actually enjoy a moment of power over me as they watched me struggle, feels terrible. Yet, this is the plight of thousands across the globe as well as next door.

- Fear is a "funny" thing. Left unchecked, it can turn even the best person into a guarded, me-centered, sly rat. Oh, but it's true.

- Camaraderie is a special thing.

- Sometimes, I do not feel much older than an 8-year-old.

- More times than not, the most unlikely person can give me a boost out of nowhere and be a great supporter.

- I need more laughing in my life.

- God is always working on my behalf whether it feels all wrong, I can't see it and I don't understand it. I have years of experience knowing this to be true.

- Without a doubt in my mind, I have been healed and am healing. Without a doubt in my mind, it has all been at the hand of God.

- I respond differently to a lot of things than I used to. This is a good thing.

- Denial and acceptance will often look the same to the outside person watching.

- Harsh punishment for some while not even a slap on the wrist for another, explains many things and none of them are good.

- Moral decay almost never starts out blatantly. Often it begins in the name of good and grows like a weed among it's prey until even darkness is perceived as light.

- I love intellectually stimulating conversation and I need more of it. At the same time, brainless fart jokes work well, too.

- Not everyone is my friend.  It doesn't feel good and I don't like it. However, I think that it's okay. Or, at least it is becoming more okay. 

- Some people are plain miserable. They are akin to sour lemons. Nothing is good. There is something wrong with everyone. The whole world is subpar apart from themselves. I am not referring to the occasional bad day but to someone who is consistently this way week after week, year after year. I can be kind, anyway. And, most certainly, I can discern that in no way do I have to absorb or receive that kind of misery.

- I love people. There is no doubt in my mind that my calling is to work with those who are hurting because I know what that feels like.

- Some people are "diminishers." They get off on making others few small. Those kinds will always be around and can blend in like a chameleon until one day they stand out. They stand out not because they have changed, but because you have. Good for you.

- I love God and I want to keep talking about Him and Who He is. In this sense, I have great confidence.

- There is no perfect workplace. There is no perfect boss or colleague. We are all comprised of various bits of vulnerability and brokenness. 

- Complaints and concerns should be accompanied by solutions or it is simply hot air.

- Not everyone with experience, education, and who is good at their work, is necessarily qualified to be a leader. Being a leader of people requires specific leadership training, a unique set of skills and gifting, and the ability to motivate and encourage those in your care to flourish.

- I can be wrong and I can have regrets. 

- There are more ways than one to be "under the influence." Being programmed and brainwashed is a real thing.

- Coming in last place is completely survivable.

- Most people want to do good.

- My value is not based on a job, career, position or title. I am multi-dimensional. My value comes solely from the One who created me. Unfortunately, I often don't live that way even though I know it to be the truth.

- Gosh, I have spent way too much time believing I was not worth much.

- God, His word, His people, and His creation, have been the best counselors I could ever have.

- I look forward to my future. I can say that and really mean it. Praise the Lord!

- I don't have to be understood by everyone. Period.

- It is humanly natural to blame other people for the things we put into place that don't work. But, in reality, not everything works like we think it's going to. Maturity is when we can replace the blame with going back to the drawing board and reconfiguring a new solution. If it takes 10 times of reconfiguring, at least in the end you'll have a good system. That sure beats repeatedly shooting oneself in the foot ad nauseam, doesn't it? I think I heard somewhere that could be described as insanity.

- I like thinking that a glass is half full. I think I am mostly the half-full, type. 

- Hyper Vigilance is not a state I want to live in anymore. I am now considering Tennessee in the country, where my husband and I can sit on a dilapidated old couch on the front porch and drink coffee together.

- It is okay for me to feel good about myself. It is okay for me to feel satisfaction in my work and to want that. It is okay for me to walk around with my head up instead of looking down at my shoes. It is okay for me to want to make more, do more and be more. These things even sound like "No, duh" to my own ears but I actually doubted these things. Not anymore. I have lost patience for being placed in a shoebox.

- I am so, so grateful. Grateful for what? JUST. PLAIN. GRATEFUL.

- I love words. I want to write more. And, maybe even speak. I have skills. I have dreams. Wow.

- No one can grow for me. No one can mature or heal for me. No one can forgive in my place. I have to put the work in every single day.

- Reflecting and getting everything out has been a cathartic experience.

- Ever conscious of what is appropriate, not all those words made it to the final draft.

- I am looking forward to new beginnings in my life.