The Truth About the Woman in the Song

A few weeks ago I was listening in the car to a country song by Waylon Jennings called, "Good Hearted Woman." It was a classic country song I had grown up listening to and I knew the lyrics by heart. But this time, they triggered the heck out of me.

The man in the song was talking about how he wasn't easy to be around and his bad behavior. Despite that, his woman had stuck by his side. However, the way it was worded and sung, made it sound like this woman (in my opinion) was praised for sticking with him instead of being praised for her strength, perseverance, and depth of character. It was as if the writer of the lyrics didn't see or know her at all; she was an extension of himself and not her own person.

These thoughts went quickly through my mind and followed by that, was a vision I created of who this woman was and how I bet a lot of people misunderstood her. 

I suppose because it was a country song, I imagined a little house in a field with few big oak trees and a front porch decorated with second-hand knick knacks from garage sales. 

Maybe I'm thinking too much about Little House on the Prairie, but she had sort of a "Ma Ingalls" look to her only her hair had come loose of its bun. Her hands were delicate but weathered, and her eyes were kind.

I imagined coming to her door and being invited to sit on her front porch and have coffee with her. Something about her, made me want to know her better. My head conjured that there were rumors that she was a doormat, in denial, and weak; she was possibly a sweet simpleton married to a sorry ass sinner.

Yet, I instinctively knew I was going to learn something from her.

"Tell me," I said, quietly.

She smiled as she looked down and hugged her coffee mug with both hands, thinking for a moment.

And, then she said in the most soft, bold, and convicting voice I had ever heard:

"I am wonderfully and fearfully made by my Father. His work is wonderful and I know this in my soul. His thoughts about me outnumber the grains of sand. 

I love Him with everything in me. He is my Rock and I've taken refuge in Him countless times. He has rescued me because He loves me and delights in me. His right hand has sustained me.

I have called on the Lord so many times in my life asking for wisdom which he gave to me generously and without any judgment. 

He has given me the grace to persevere, become mature, and find so much joy. He has been close to me when my heart was broken.

He has taken my fears and replaced them with power, love, and sharp reasoning.

I've been able to comfort others as He has comforted me many times. I've been able to forgive as He has forgiven me, much."

At this point, she looked at me through happy tears, and said, "The Lord has allowed me to see and know things I never would have, without Him. He has taken and given. He has bestowed peace that passes understanding and when that has flown out the window, He has rescued me. He has spoken for me and through me. He has, is, and will give me my heart's desires in the name of Jesus."

She leaned forward, squeezed my hand and said, "My inheritance is secure. At the end of all this, I get to be in glory with Jesus with my family - in my real home. I can scarcely take that in!"

She started rocking again in her chair, laid her head back, and closed her eyes in contentment. It might've been the most powerful thing I had ever seen. There was nothing simple minded about this woman.

This flash of a vision came and went but it impacted me, greatly. 

I sat peacefully in the passenger seat, riding with the love of my life, and looking out the car window as the moment moved on.

Maybe that's the truth about the woman in the song.

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk

Ambiguous Loss

 

A while back I did research on something called, "Ambiguous Loss." I knew there had to be a name and validation for what I was experiencing and many others in similar, but different circumstances. I was surprised to find very little information about this type of loss.

Generally speaking, ambiguous loss is when you grieve a person that is still living. Some examples that could cause this type of loss include (but are not limited to) Alzheimer's/Dementia, brain injury, mental illness, addiction, or even a profound change in someone's morality, character, and/or personality.

I am not an expert on loss. I cannot compare losses - which kind is easier or harder. I have walked alongside others experiencing various losses and I suppose you could call me an "expert" of my own experience which is unique to me.

Some day, when the time is right, I believe God will give me a larger audience and a bigger voice on this topic. But, for today, I want to acknowledge those of you who are walking this (sometimes unbearable) type of grief.

One of the reasons it feels heart crushing is because you don't know if there is hope to get this person "back." You don't know if you are a weak fool, a strong person who can persevere, crazy, sane, or a bit of all of it. You. Don't. Have. Answers. There is little to no closure and in fact, you don't know what closure looks like. There is no funeral, burial, flowers, cards, or casseroles. Heck, there is little acknowledgment of the hell on Earth you are feeling. 

Even Google can't give an explanation.

But, you know in your heart the waves of grief that slam into you at any given moment. You know this is real because you are breathing it, daily.

So, for whatever it's worth, I see you. Your pain is valid. The uncertainty, fear, and even horror absolutely make sense. The heartbreak of this loss is real.

I also know this is not your whole story. You are valuable, capable, and intelligent. You are okay.

YOU ARE SANE.

Give yourself a hug for the warrior you are, the tears that have been shed, and the love you have given.

You are to be respected and admired.

Some day I'm going to take my pain and healing, and with boldness proclaim the truth about what is real right here in my story (and the story of countless others).

Jesus binds our wounds.

Be encouraged.

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk