Ambiguous Loss

 

A while back I did research on something called, "Ambiguous Loss." I knew there had to be a name and validation for what I was experiencing and many others in similar, but different circumstances. I was surprised to find very little information about this type of loss.

Generally speaking, ambiguous loss is when you grieve a person that is still living. Some examples that could cause this type of loss include (but are not limited to) Alzheimer's/Dementia, brain injury, mental illness, addiction, or even a profound change in someone's morality, character, and/or personality.

I am not an expert on loss. I cannot compare losses - which kind is easier or harder. I have walked alongside others experiencing various losses and I suppose you could call me an "expert" of my own experience which is unique to me.

Some day, when the time is right, I believe God will give me a larger audience and a bigger voice on this topic. But, for today, I want to acknowledge those of you who are walking this (sometimes unbearable) type of grief.

One of the reasons it feels heart crushing is because you don't know if there is hope to get this person "back." You don't know if you are a weak fool, a strong person who can persevere, crazy, sane, or a bit of all of it. You. Don't. Have. Answers. There is little to no closure and in fact, you don't know what closure looks like. There is no funeral, burial, flowers, cards, or casseroles. Heck, there is little acknowledgment of the hell on Earth you are feeling. 

Even Google can't give an explanation.

But, you know in your heart the waves of grief that slam into you at any given moment. You know this is real because you are breathing it, daily.

So, for whatever it's worth, I see you. Your pain is valid. The uncertainty, fear, and even horror absolutely make sense. The heartbreak of this loss is real.

I also know this is not your whole story. You are valuable, capable, and intelligent. You are okay.

YOU ARE SANE.

Give yourself a hug for the warrior you are, the tears that have been shed, and the love you have given.

You are to be respected and admired.

Some day I'm going to take my pain and healing, and with boldness proclaim the truth about what is real right here in my story (and the story of countless others).

Jesus binds our wounds.

Be encouraged.

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk