Knit Together Perfectly

I get overwhelmed by bright lights, loud music, continuous conversation, and busy schedules. Sensory overload is a real thing. 

I am not a misery-loves-company person. I am a process-and-cry-alone-with-God person. Alone is how I get better and people can compliment that process.

Things like balanced and cozy lighting in a room, fresh air, the smell of clean laundry, and nothing but the sound of birds and wind, are like therapy for me. 

I used to think that something was wrong with me for feeling out of sorts with a packed schedule, multiple nights in a row with places to be, and my desire to grieve and process by myself. I used to wonder why at times music felt like nails on a chalkboard or poor lighting in a room was so uncomfortable. 

After years of feeling rushed all the time, having less of that feels like something I want to pursue. 

I am energized 100% by being completely alone in some nook, wearing soft clothing, walking as I look for framed images to photograph or a heart shaped rock. writing, and being able to intimately connect with God. I was born for those things. It's how I'm wired. I know that, now.

Oh, I can mask all those needs. I can be driven, busy, conversational, and on the go when I have to be. But, sooner or later I silently crash. I guess I want less crashes and more steady. 

I want to concern myself less with what other people think and expect, and more with God's perspective about what is good for me. It's about further becoming who I was created to be way back in the womb, when He knit me together with love and intention.

The evolution of my true self has never been more desirable than at this time in my life, and it is nothing resembling what the world tells me it is. It is about walking like a woman who knows to Whom she belongs. It's about being led and empowered by the Holy Spirit so I can love others (and this is key) the way *God* has created me to love.

So, I go back to both accepting and appreciating the way I was knit together and to seek, with God's help, a life which reflects that. 

I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to come back to this reflection a time or two more. Well-worn paths take time to change and that's okay. For now, I’m certain I've taken a small step in the right direction. I am loved.

Psalm 139: 13-14

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous - how well I know it.”

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk