I've been feeling lately like I need to be reminded that God IS in the miracle business. Our western culture puts Him in a box way too often. I put Him in a box way too often. We squeeze out prayers in hopes that God hears. We make do. We settle for less. We look at our situation and think there is no way out. We cannot conceive of waters parting. The lame walking. An elderly woman having a baby. A virgin conceiving. Food multiplying. We believe it, but in some sort of detached way that says that was then, this is now.
It is easy to feel skeptical or even afraid. How about when we are bold and storm the throne with confidence, believing every single thing we're asking for? And, then we wait. And, nothing happens. And we wait, and the situation gets worse. Or, we wait, and our loved one dies. We can feel confused. Disillusioned. Betrayed. Angry. Hopeless. Or, even guilty. Maybe we didn't have enough faith. Or, punished? For all the things we've done wrong. It IS hard to trust and have faith, most especially when we can't see or when what we do see looks hopeless. And, it can be hard when we've been hurt in the past by others we put our trust in. We can't bare the thought of trusting again, even in God.
I've come to a place in my relationship with God where I just have to get it out there with Him. If I have questions, I ask Him. If I don't understand, I seek Him. When I need wisdom, I ask for it. When I'm raging, I do it WITH Him. When I'm discouraged, I draw on my praise of Him. When I'm tired and afraid at night, I ask Him to place me under the shadow of His wings. When I have no words, I open His and I read. I study. I grapple. Sometimes with complete hunger. Sometimes, feeling nothing but numbness. Sometimes, with peace and joy. But, people are dying for owning a Bible in other oppressed countries and we're dying in this country because we're not opening the one we're allowed to own! (I preach to myself here. Make no mistake about the things I write. I'm always talking to myself). So often my prayer is that God will help me operate within the sphere of the Holy Spirit ALL day. And, I imagine myself walking, talking, feeling, and acting all inside this sphere, empowered ONLY by the Holy Spirit. This is for ALL of us! We have access to Him anywhere, anytime. We don't have to get right before we talk with God. What in the world does "right" mean anyway and who holds the measuring stick? You can toss that lie out right now.
About 12 years ago or so, I was a stay at home mom with three smaller kids. My husband was slow with work and money was tight for us. It was a Sunday night and I was trying to think of what to serve for lunch the next day as I had invited two friends over for lunch. These happened to be friends who were going through a rough time and I wanted to make it nice for them - a respite. I asked my husband for some cash and he gave me two $20 bills folded in half. Those were the days when overalls were in style (man, I still miss those) and I remember clearly that I folded the bills and stuck them in my right pocket. On the way to the grocery store, I was alone, and prayed out loud in the car that God would help me stretch that money in such a way that would ONLY be possible with Him. I was bold with the request that night.
As I walked the isles I began mentally adding up my items but soon lost track of where I was. By the time I got to the check-out isle I was feeling a little anxious that I had gone over my $40 and would have to put some items back. It was a crappy and shameful feeling for me. That, I do remember. As my items started going over the $40, I started thinking about what I could put back, feeling disappointed in God because it appeared He hadn't stretched anything for me. It came to $59 and some change. I reached into my pocket, opened the bills, and there were THREE 20's folded over, NOT two like my husband had given me. $60!! Let me interrupt myself right here for all the skeptics. When you don't have a lot of money, you know darn well how much you have in your pocket. I'm telling you, I left my house with $40.
I counted my $60 a few times just to make sure because I was a bit incredulous. My eyes welled with tears as I handed the cashier the money and she gave me my change back. Did you catch that? I EVEN HAD CHANGE! I cried the whole way to the car. But, in my humanness, I called my husband and asked him how much he had given me. I had to make sure! I was still a tiny bit doubtful. Was this a miracle or not? He thought about it for a second and told me he gave me $40 because he saved some for himself to get gas. I then shared the story with him and he too, was amazed.
I knew in the depths of my heart that God had given me a miracle. On an ordinary day. For a seemingly ordinary lunch. Wearing very ordinary overalls. There were no bursts of flames or heavy winds. No thunder and lightening. And, there was no audience. Just me and an extraordinarily profound extra $20 bill. Even the cashier had no idea. But, I did and I committed that night to memory knowing that I would never forget it and that I'd tell the story whenever called to. And, tonight, on this Mother's Day 2018 I'm retelling it. I'm not even sure why. But, someone needs to know. Miracles aren't for those "other people." They are for you and me. Don't be afraid to pray big. Don't be afraid to hope for what looks and feels hopeless. We're going to have trouble in this life. That is no surprise. Jesus even tells us that in John 16:33 but then He goes on to encourage us to cheer up because He has overcome the world. Don't let the fear of things not working out keep you from boldly asking God for help. There is richness in the asking. God treasures your faith. And, I say with confidence that miracles DO happen.
If you feel led to, I'd love to hear your own stories of how God has worked in your life. Feel free to leave a comment.
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