School registration. I thought it was just me who dreaded it, but that's not the case. I had a talk with a co-worker about this a few weeks ago and since then, I've been hearing from others. This morning, a mom messaged me her feelings about that and other back-to-school agonies, and I thought, 'time to write a blog!'
As with most anything, it's never about the situation itself, but about how we interpret the situation. I seldom use the word "hate" because it's not only negative, but somewhat dramatic. However, today I'm going to use it. I hate school registration and have since my first child entered kindergarten! In fact, it was probably that first registration that became a trigger for all the subsequent ones!
I felt sadness that our son was going off to school. I didn't know any of the other moms. I wasn't familiar with the school. The fees were astronomical and how about the insane list of school supplies needed? I wasn't on the PTO. I didn't want to join the PTO. I was not a Burr Ridge mom driving an SUV, with a rock on her finger, sipping Starbucks, calling out to friends from across the gym. I was quiet, shy, 100% insecure, and...yeah, insecure. Oh, I'm sure I appeared acceptable from the outside, but on the inside I was slacker mom. I felt 13 again, wanting to shrink in that gym.
Given a choice between school registration, and sweating bullets in a backwoods, gator infested swamp, in Louisiana, catching flies, I can tell you for sure that the flies would win every time! But, the registrations continued over the years with condescending people working behind the tables, long lines, ridiculous (affluent suburban) fees, and school supply lists that had me wanting to pull my hair out at Walmart.
However, to be completely fair, there is not a thing wrong with the PTO and in fact, the parents worked HARD. There is not a thing wrong with nice wedding rings, cars or Starbucks (I drank one last week). About 90% of the problem rested inside my heart and mind alone. The other 10% were a few genuine systemic problems with a side of BS (and that's not Bachelor of Science).
This morning a mom shared with me the pressures she was feeling with all the back-to-school hoopla. Physicals, new gym shoes, new backpack, new clothes, hair cuts, school supplies, books and other fees. She expressed, and these were her exact words, feeling like a "loser mom." We'd like to think it's just the kids trying to keep up with their peers. We often say, "it's that age." But, if we're honest, a lot of this is also us wanting to keep up with our own peers, and part of keeping up is staying silent about the pressure and insecurity we are feeling. We've got pressure from our kids. Pressure from the media. And, self-induced pressure big time.
This also hurts when we have children who are struggling in school for a myriad of reasons. This time of year can bring up great angst in our gut. Will they get the right teachers? Will anyone eat with them at lunch? Will they make friends? Will that certain bully be back again? Will they be able to stay healthy? What if the depression comes back or the social anxiety? Will my child even go to school? (And, moving forward to college is a whole other blog in and of itself).
So, what to do? Like I said in the beginning, it's not about the situation itself but how we interpret the situation. Or, we can go even deeper. It's ultimately what we end up believing about ourselves in the situation. For me, far too many times than I care to admit, I dreaded registration because it brought up deep seated feelings of failure and worthlessness. I often struggled to come up with the money to pay exorbitant fees for all three kids at one time. I felt like I was alone in that. While I had many friends and acquaintances from church, I had very few from the school and this made me feel like a bad mother. I felt rushed and behind the eight ball all the time. I could be a leader with competence on a church steering team and then whither away on the inside in line at the school. What was happening? To be honest, I haven't totally delved into that yet, but what I do know, is there has been something about the school setting that has triggered feelings of worthlessness in me. And, it probably began when I was a small child. For some, this will make sense to you and you will say, "ah-hah." For others, I may have lost you and that's okay!
What I can say with confidence is that these feelings do NOT come from the Lord. The pressure is NOT from the Lord. The stress is NOT from the Lord. The false beliefs (lies) do NOT come from the Lord.
Practically speaking, work ahead. Buy the school supplies in packets from the school or start early and do a little at a time. Kids do NOT need a bunch of brand new clothing to start school in the summer. They can wear what they've been wearing the last two months. It can wait until next month when it gets cooler. Talk to the school in ADVANCE about the fees if that is a concern of yours. They do NOT need a new backpack every year, especially as they grow older and nobody cares anyway. And if they really want one, have them pay for it or at least half. Just start on these things a bit at a time and start early (like I never did)! And, start early on your children who struggle when it comes to school. Don't sweep it under the rug. Talk and communicate. And, communicate with the school as well. If you have thoughts to share on this, please feel free to comment. We need all the help and support we can get.
But, from a spiritual perspective, oh, dear and precious child of our KING, spend time with Jesus about this. You are NOT a loser in any way, shape or form. You are God's workmanship. His peace is within you. There is no hurried pace with Him. There is zero pressure. It only feels like there is much to fear, but His perfect love casts out that fear. Satan is a master distorter. What feels bigger than life, is actually quite small. Satan loves to terrorize. But, Jesus' light and power are far bigger. I'm telling you for certain, that the breadth of God's love has the power to destroy lies in an instant. So, get yourself quiet before Him and share your heart. Keep it real. He knows anyway and ask Him to share His truth with you about WHO YOU REALLY ARE. Ask Him to go before you and ask Him to provide whatever it is that you need. And then give Him praise and thanks.
Lastly, in my experience, registration and the back-to-school hoopla is a stress-inducing time for everyone. Some walk through it fairly easily and others don't, but I think everyone sort of feels "it." It'll probably never be my thing and I'll still choose catching flies instead, but I can at least prepare for it better. And, think better.
Try being kind to the person next to you in line. Make the most of your time and let your light shine on someone else who is probably feeling like you and maybe even worse. And, be oh so kind to yourself as well. You deserve a big hug. It's not easy being a parent. It's not easy taking care of a home and the needs of others. But, all of your efforts to care and provide truly bless the heart of Jesus Christ. He sees it and He honors you for it. And, not to be taken lightly, "You can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens you." Philippians 4:13.
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