Invitation to Ponder the Scene

The other night I happened to wake up close to 3:00 a.m. and could not fall back to sleep. I laid on my side where I could feel the cool air on my face from a window cracked open. Because of the moonlight, I could make out the branches of the trees. I was deep in thought thinking about Christmas.

God began bringing people to mind who had recently suffered loss on various levels and those walking through grievous situations. I wrapped my arms around myself as I thought about my own grief in relation to Christmas. 

Isn't it something how Christmas can make our pain more profound? As I laid there I thought about Jesus and what He might think about this season of His birth. How must He feel about the sadness, stress, loneliness and misery? What does He offer those of us who are hurting?

My first impression was not one of condemnation or anger. I felt a sadness from Jesus and a heartfelt concern for His sheep. The thing about Him is that He never kicks us when we're down. He turns toward and not away. He wants to heal and comfort in a way that moves the stuff of our world gently to the side so we can experience His love afresh. As I laid in my bed still looking out the window, that is what I saw in my mind; a Jesus willing to forgive our misplaced values because He was more preoccupied with the look on our faces and the condition of our broken hearts than anything else. 

The second impression I got, was an invitation to watch the scene of Jesus' birth. In my mind I imagined it. In those brief moments nothing else mattered as I saw teenaged Mary give birth to the baby King of the world. It was holy ground. Sacred. And, oh so healing. There He was, coming uncomfortably into the world to grow and be my Savior. He cried like any baby would. I slowly walked forward in wonder hearing my own steps and feeling the slight pounding of my heart. I got on my knees and looked down at Jesus' face as  young Mary held Him in her arms. I reached forward and reverently touched His cheek with my finger. I bowed my head. This was it. This was Christmas. "Welcome, my King. Welcome."

As I again looked at the outline of trees from my window I silently prayed, "God, how can I make any difference for myself and others?" I won't pretend that it is the be all/end all, or even the answer for you. What I can say from my experience a few nights ago, is that Jesus is far more about you, just you, than any Christmas religiosity, "have to" or "should be." He is yearning for you to seek Him and find Him in His birth, because in that moment you will see the kind of Christmas that will speak directly to your broken heart. There is no stress or sorrow in that Christmas. Just hope. 

However it works for you, I encourage you to take time this season to intentionally ponder the birth of our Jesus. Read about it (Mathew 1 and Luke 2), imagine the scene, and participate in the story.  Be conscious of what you see and how you feel. What does Jesus want you to know? I guarantee it will be unique to you.

I think when I find those waves of stress or sorrow hitting me, I am going to revisit the scene in my mind's eye whether I'm home, at work, in the car, or standing in a long line at the store to pay for another Christmas gift. I know that Jesus longs to bring us something fresh. He carries us when we cannot walk and sets us down when our feet are ready. He is the King, who was a baby, who grew into a man, who became our Savior. All things aside, Glory Hallelujah. I can agree to this: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESUS. 

Dee M. Kostelyk

Celebrate Life

When good things happen, it's natural to want to share about them with others. I find social media a fun place to do that and very much a creative outlet for me. The criticism is how much of it is fake and pretend, a yearning to belong and be validated, and a desire to at least look at something that tells us our life isn't all in the crapper.

I want to take a look at the "pretend and fake" criticism which I've heard a lot (and thought, myself). Why is the sharing of meaningful, silly, fun, victorious, edifying and informative (all good things) on social media, pretend and fake? Yet, while we may roll our eyes and cringe a bit when someone shares (and over shares) misery, we generally tend to give more acceptance and compassion to that than anything else. We feel okay about it and feel okay about that person. (We feel okay about ourselves).

People have a right to their privacy. They are entitled to share or not share whatever they feel comfortable with. No one is required to talk publicly about their pain and shame. We are not going to post photographs of our tears, getting fired from a job, kicking the dog, and the break up of a relationship. So, what do most of us choose to share? The happy! The celebratory. The achievements. JOY. So understandable. Good for us!

Just because someone posts about their weight loss, doesn't mean they don't have 50 other stories about all the struggle that went into that. Just because someone posts a wonderful photo of their family with all the little kids in matching outfits, doesn't mean that their 3-year-old wasn't having a tantrum 20 minutes before the photograph was taken. Just because a couple is celebrating 30 years of marriage, doesn't mean they didn't go through some pretty grueling times. We could pick out numerous scenarios and know there is a backstory to every single one of them. No kidding. That is a no-brainer. 

Pretty much everything I write about is based on my personal experience and I am most always talking to myself. The truth is that misery does love company. When we feel like we are caving in on the inside, we don't want to hear about so-and-so's great news. When we feel like an ugly fat slob we don't want to see so-and-so in her cute little dress. When we can hardly afford to pay the electric bill, we don't want to hear about somebody's great vacation. When we have a relationship that is crumbling, it's painful to see another relationship thriving. When our car is less than par, it makes us miserable to see photographs of someone's brand new one. When we don't get the award or the accolades, we feel like a loser in light of those who did. Welcome to life and being human. Hence, the cross. Hence, Jesus.

Do not let ANYONE belittle your good news. Do not let anyone make you feel small and less than for the good things in your life. Do not give credence to those who ignore you and attempt to shame you. In a world where things can change in an instant and where most of us are walking around with broken pieces, go ahead and celebrate! Post the promotion! Post about your lost pounds! Share about the love and truth of Jesus! Show your wedding photos, birthdays, and Christmas decorations! BE SILLY! Promote what you are selling! Share what God is doing! Tell us about your move, the sunset, the restaurant, and your dog!

When you find yourself in a place where this stuff is making you miserable, it's a chance to be kind to someone who deserves it, INCLUDING YOURSELF. It is an opportunity to look inward and figure out what is going on that is causing the pain. It is always something. Welcome to the neighborhood, friend or, one of my favorite sayings, "Welcome to real life." We really don't like this word and I know that I for sure don't, but JEALOUSY sucks. It hurts. It hurts ourselves and it hurts the object of it. Every single time. But, it is universal and we all have felt it. That's why I say, "welcome to the neighborhood!" Work on what needs to be worked out and learn to be gracious and happy for people.  It won't kill you. I promise. Considerate it a walk toward freedom.

Funny, jealousy isn't talked about very much. It kind of goes along with the word "sin." Ouch. Two topics that would feel good sticking through the shredder. But, as one of my friends always says, "nothing changes if nothing changes" and most of us have found ourselves on both sides of this particular coin.

To sum it up like a second grade teacher: Please be who you are. Do not lessen yourself to make others feel good enough. There is no need to spend excess time with or give power to those who are sneaky, jealous, and want to passive-aggressively repress you. Shine how God intended you to. Post about and celebrate your victories! And, when you find yourself experiencing pain (and jealousy IS painful) in light of others' good news, take a pause and work through it. You will BE better for it and you will actually FEEL better for it. 

May we celebrate life on the good days and the bad days. There is nothing pretend and fake about it.

Dee M. Kostelyk

Cooperate with the Truth

When I saw the saying attached, I readily identified with it. In July of 2019 I was unexpectedly diagnosed with early stage two breast cancer. I remember walking around and having the oddest feeling. I had cancer in my body. I knew that and yet I felt disconnected from it as if it was someone else's state. 

Without much hesitation, I began praying that all the cells in my body would stand up and give the Lord praise. I imagined these miniscule beings quite literally arching upward toward the Lord of the universe. Even the cancer cells were under His authority and had no choice but to give praise. I did not refer to this ever as "my" cancer. I did not want to claim it and I did not want to belong to it in any way, shape or form. It had come into my body unwelcome and unwelcome it would remain. It was NOT me. To say that I was never afraid or exhausted or that I didn't think about my own funeral would be a lie. Absolutely, I had my dark moments. However, by the sheer grace and power of God, that was not my general experience. I tried not to think about "Oh my goodness, how am I going to get up at 4:15 a.m. everyday, go to work, and move through 33 radiation treatments for the next few months?" I just did it, a day at a time, under the shelter and gentle protection of Jesus.  That is the truth of it. I have no other explanation for how I was able to do it. I did not cooperate with the cancer. I did not revere it or let it define me.

The same really goes for all illnesses and struggles. I often hear residents at work list off their multiple diagnoses and medications as if it is somehow who they are and a warped badge of honor. I can't even count how many times I have heard "my" bi-polar, "my" anxiety, "my" arthritis, and, "I will always have this." Whoa. WHOA. Slow down. It's like nails on a chalkboard. I often encourage to slightly change the perspective from "my" to "the." We are not cancer. We are not arthritis. We are not depression. Those are all things we may have to reckon with, but it is not who we are and it isn't always a life sentence, either. 

This isn't about denial or pretending. This is about acknowledging the truth. How about instead of "I *am* depressed" we simply say, "I *feel* depressed." It is downright amazing what can happen to our outlook and even our health when we start changing this perspective. You may struggle with any amount of things, just fill in the blank, but it doesn't mean you ARE those things.

 I would bet that most of you care about other people and enjoy making them feel good. Others love to write, cook, paint, fish and take photographs. Some, are good with children. Some can fix the brakes on a car while others have the solution to your computer problems. Many of you can teach and also love to learn. I bet someone got an A on their math test last week. I bet someone else put a card in the mail to someone who needed encouragement. In this audience are an array of gifts and talents and precious characteristics unique to you! Your suffering is not all that you are. It is just a piece of the pie. Not the whole pie. 

One of the worst things I hear these days and is unfortunately quite common is "f*** my life." I apologize for the language but I don't apologize for being real and saying it like it is. (Otherwise, writing for me is pointless). Even joking around and being sarcastic about these things aren't really that helpful in the long run. Whether we want to acknowledge it or not, we often get a payoff by milking our illnesses. We feel afraid to let go and there can be multiple reasons for that. Largely, I believe it's because we will no longer feel valuable, seen, or important. We may believe that part of our identity will be lost. It also gives us an excuse to stay stuck and not change any behavior. Ouch. But, it's true. There is some fear there and it makes sense. There is no condemnation for it. I guess I want to encourage you to ask yourself, "what would happen if I started claiming and believing healing in my life?" It seems like a straightforward question with an easy answer but more than likely your feelings are jumbled up and your answer sort of complicated. That's okay. You have to start somewhere.

It can be effortless to cooperate with people, things, and mindsets that are not good for us. I encourage you to pay attention to that. Instead, cooperate with the Lord's truth about who you are from head to toe in the name of Jesus. Partner with HIM. Claim life over your life. Love yourself well because God loves you more. He created you mighty special with an amazing ability to heal and grow.

Dee M. Kostelyk