When good things happen, it's natural to want to share about them with others. I find social media a fun place to do that and very much a creative outlet for me. The criticism is how much of it is fake and pretend, a yearning to belong and be validated, and a desire to at least look at something that tells us our life isn't all in the crapper.
I want to take a look at the "pretend and fake" criticism which I've heard a lot (and thought, myself). Why is the sharing of meaningful, silly, fun, victorious, edifying and informative (all good things) on social media, pretend and fake? Yet, while we may roll our eyes and cringe a bit when someone shares (and over shares) misery, we generally tend to give more acceptance and compassion to that than anything else. We feel okay about it and feel okay about that person. (We feel okay about ourselves).
People have a right to their privacy. They are entitled to share or not share whatever they feel comfortable with. No one is required to talk publicly about their pain and shame. We are not going to post photographs of our tears, getting fired from a job, kicking the dog, and the break up of a relationship. So, what do most of us choose to share? The happy! The celebratory. The achievements. JOY. So understandable. Good for us!
Just because someone posts about their weight loss, doesn't mean they don't have 50 other stories about all the struggle that went into that. Just because someone posts a wonderful photo of their family with all the little kids in matching outfits, doesn't mean that their 3-year-old wasn't having a tantrum 20 minutes before the photograph was taken. Just because a couple is celebrating 30 years of marriage, doesn't mean they didn't go through some pretty grueling times. We could pick out numerous scenarios and know there is a backstory to every single one of them. No kidding. That is a no-brainer.
Pretty much everything I write about is based on my personal experience and I am most always talking to myself. The truth is that misery does love company. When we feel like we are caving in on the inside, we don't want to hear about so-and-so's great news. When we feel like an ugly fat slob we don't want to see so-and-so in her cute little dress. When we can hardly afford to pay the electric bill, we don't want to hear about somebody's great vacation. When we have a relationship that is crumbling, it's painful to see another relationship thriving. When our car is less than par, it makes us miserable to see photographs of someone's brand new one. When we don't get the award or the accolades, we feel like a loser in light of those who did. Welcome to life and being human. Hence, the cross. Hence, Jesus.
Do not let ANYONE belittle your good news. Do not let anyone make you feel small and less than for the good things in your life. Do not give credence to those who ignore you and attempt to shame you. In a world where things can change in an instant and where most of us are walking around with broken pieces, go ahead and celebrate! Post the promotion! Post about your lost pounds! Share about the love and truth of Jesus! Show your wedding photos, birthdays, and Christmas decorations! BE SILLY! Promote what you are selling! Share what God is doing! Tell us about your move, the sunset, the restaurant, and your dog!
When you find yourself in a place where this stuff is making you miserable, it's a chance to be kind to someone who deserves it, INCLUDING YOURSELF. It is an opportunity to look inward and figure out what is going on that is causing the pain. It is always something. Welcome to the neighborhood, friend or, one of my favorite sayings, "Welcome to real life." We really don't like this word and I know that I for sure don't, but JEALOUSY sucks. It hurts. It hurts ourselves and it hurts the object of it. Every single time. But, it is universal and we all have felt it. That's why I say, "welcome to the neighborhood!" Work on what needs to be worked out and learn to be gracious and happy for people. It won't kill you. I promise. Considerate it a walk toward freedom.
Funny, jealousy isn't talked about very much. It kind of goes along with the word "sin." Ouch. Two topics that would feel good sticking through the shredder. But, as one of my friends always says, "nothing changes if nothing changes" and most of us have found ourselves on both sides of this particular coin.
To sum it up like a second grade teacher: Please be who you are. Do not lessen yourself to make others feel good enough. There is no need to spend excess time with or give power to those who are sneaky, jealous, and want to passive-aggressively repress you. Shine how God intended you to. Post about and celebrate your victories! And, when you find yourself experiencing pain (and jealousy IS painful) in light of others' good news, take a pause and work through it. You will BE better for it and you will actually FEEL better for it.
May we celebrate life on the good days and the bad days. There is nothing pretend and fake about it.
Dee M. Kostelyk
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