When I saw the saying attached, I readily identified with it. In July of 2019 I was unexpectedly diagnosed with early stage two breast cancer. I remember walking around and having the oddest feeling. I had cancer in my body. I knew that and yet I felt disconnected from it as if it was someone else's state.
Without much hesitation, I began praying that all the cells in my body would stand up and give the Lord praise. I imagined these miniscule beings quite literally arching upward toward the Lord of the universe. Even the cancer cells were under His authority and had no choice but to give praise. I did not refer to this ever as "my" cancer. I did not want to claim it and I did not want to belong to it in any way, shape or form. It had come into my body unwelcome and unwelcome it would remain. It was NOT me. To say that I was never afraid or exhausted or that I didn't think about my own funeral would be a lie. Absolutely, I had my dark moments. However, by the sheer grace and power of God, that was not my general experience. I tried not to think about "Oh my goodness, how am I going to get up at 4:15 a.m. everyday, go to work, and move through 33 radiation treatments for the next few months?" I just did it, a day at a time, under the shelter and gentle protection of Jesus. That is the truth of it. I have no other explanation for how I was able to do it. I did not cooperate with the cancer. I did not revere it or let it define me.
The same really goes for all illnesses and struggles. I often hear residents at work list off their multiple diagnoses and medications as if it is somehow who they are and a warped badge of honor. I can't even count how many times I have heard "my" bi-polar, "my" anxiety, "my" arthritis, and, "I will always have this." Whoa. WHOA. Slow down. It's like nails on a chalkboard. I often encourage to slightly change the perspective from "my" to "the." We are not cancer. We are not arthritis. We are not depression. Those are all things we may have to reckon with, but it is not who we are and it isn't always a life sentence, either.
This isn't about denial or pretending. This is about acknowledging the truth. How about instead of "I *am* depressed" we simply say, "I *feel* depressed." It is downright amazing what can happen to our outlook and even our health when we start changing this perspective. You may struggle with any amount of things, just fill in the blank, but it doesn't mean you ARE those things.
I would bet that most of you care about other people and enjoy making them feel good. Others love to write, cook, paint, fish and take photographs. Some, are good with children. Some can fix the brakes on a car while others have the solution to your computer problems. Many of you can teach and also love to learn. I bet someone got an A on their math test last week. I bet someone else put a card in the mail to someone who needed encouragement. In this audience are an array of gifts and talents and precious characteristics unique to you! Your suffering is not all that you are. It is just a piece of the pie. Not the whole pie.
One of the worst things I hear these days and is unfortunately quite common is "f*** my life." I apologize for the language but I don't apologize for being real and saying it like it is. (Otherwise, writing for me is pointless). Even joking around and being sarcastic about these things aren't really that helpful in the long run. Whether we want to acknowledge it or not, we often get a payoff by milking our illnesses. We feel afraid to let go and there can be multiple reasons for that. Largely, I believe it's because we will no longer feel valuable, seen, or important. We may believe that part of our identity will be lost. It also gives us an excuse to stay stuck and not change any behavior. Ouch. But, it's true. There is some fear there and it makes sense. There is no condemnation for it. I guess I want to encourage you to ask yourself, "what would happen if I started claiming and believing healing in my life?" It seems like a straightforward question with an easy answer but more than likely your feelings are jumbled up and your answer sort of complicated. That's okay. You have to start somewhere.
It can be effortless to cooperate with people, things, and mindsets that are not good for us. I encourage you to pay attention to that. Instead, cooperate with the Lord's truth about who you are from head to toe in the name of Jesus. Partner with HIM. Claim life over your life. Love yourself well because God loves you more. He created you mighty special with an amazing ability to heal and grow.
Dee M. Kostelyk
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