Country Club Vision

A few weeks ago, my husband and I attended a gathering for incoming Illinois freshman who were considering Belmont University in Nashville as a college choice. We were there with our daughter and her friend. It was one of *those* environments - the kind where everyone is a little uncertain - at a country club with parents subtly checking each other out. Even the students seemed somewhat nervous and giddy. 

There was also food and I'm all about food. Pieces of cheesecake almost as big as my head and a fabulous looking charcuterie board (that of course nobody was touching) were spread out across tables. Isn't it funny though, how you know everyone wanted some of that food, but there was something far too vulnerable about taking it, like it was beneath us to actually be hungry. So, leave it to my husband to see the one other person in the room chomping away. It was a man wearing a suit and tie, so surely if he was diving in, it was okay for us. 

We grabbed the largest cheesecake we could find and then heaped a plate full of cheese, meat, crackers and pickles and headed back to the table. God knows, my husband and I are Dutch with a side of Hillbilly thrown in. Had I been able to get away with it, I would've been putting cheesecakes in my purse for dessert later that night while we watched TV. But stealing, even cheesecake, is a sin.

In all seriousness though, as I sat there sipping my coffee and eating miniature pickles, I looked around the crowded room and I felt small. I felt inadequate. I was in some kind of perceived country club fish bowl where everyone's socks were clean inside their shoes and purses held high limit credit cards, expensive lip stick, and check books with big balances. None of the women were wearing leopard print bras with pink daisy underwear, for goodness sake. The men had big home offices with mahogany desks, book shelves, and garages with top of the line golf clubs. For sure, nobody's car had coffee stains, dog hair, empty water bottles, or mud splattered windows. The man in the purple sweater speaking with his pretty wife had never had a moment of insecurity about anything, ever. 

The more I conjured this stuff up, the smaller I became. I was pretty much at loser status in a matter of minutes. Then, I started thinking about Jada going off to college and I got a lump in my throat. I was in self-created country club crap land and I knew it. What else was there to do, but invite God in there with me. So, we sat together, He and I, and my vision began to change. 

There is No vision like God's vision. His is a 20/20 plus. I started to see people. Real people. Moms and dads. Apprehension and excitement. Not golf clubs or lipstick. PEOPLE. The leveling diminished. So many of us (me); we do this often -  we stake out the space and person and then place ourselves below or above it, instead of an integral piece within. 

To switch it around a bit, have you ever been with someone whom you distinctly sensed thought they were better than you? What did you feel? Anger? Insecurity? Whatever it was, it wasn't good. 

Have you ever been with someone whom you sensed felt less than you? That doesn't feel so nice either. It's like you want to say, "Hey buddy, really, seriously, I left my car running with the keys in it today. Trust me, I'm just a schmuck like the rest of us."  

God, help us. It's the revolving door to nowhere.

There really is something special about catching God's vision of other people. They go from being an object to a face. From a face to a heart and mind. From a heart and mind to tangible, understandable, and relatable. Sometimes, it even moves deeper to grace, love and forgiveness where before none could be found. 

Catching God's vision of others works best however, when we've first caught God's vision of ourself. We are not mismatched losers by any stretch. 

Psalm 139: 1-4 says, "O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord."  This talks of a God intimately familiar with us. This paints a God who loves us deeply. 

Verse 13 says, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." He knit us together. That took a plan, an idea, and intentionality. Imagine God's hands knitting that barely perceptible embryo that was you! Your laugh. Eyes. Thumb print. Toes. Gifts. There is no end to who you are or the ways in which God loves you. 

Next time (probably before the sun goes down) you start feeling negatively, stop. What are you thinking, feeling, and believing? Can you invite God in? His love is the ultimate antidote and in that will always be the truth of who we are. The more we grow into that truth, the less we will fall into leveling and comparison.

I still get stuck in Loserville sometimes, trust me. The road out of that place has twists and turns. Working this out takes practice and so does seeing others through the eyes of Jesus.

Today, may you catch Jesus's vision of you because its a good one.

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk