I Trust Him

A few nights ago I had a rough time sleeping. I woke up in the night sweating with a disturbing dream and I felt sick. Sick with dread and panic. The things that were concerning me in the daylight had become monumental in the dark of night. It had been a long time since this had happened. I obsessively began quoting scripture as I turned on my side into a tight ball. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart..." It was a chant that joined the other ruminating thoughts that circled my mind. There was nothing comforting about it, really. It was sort of like the useless lucky charms some have lined up on bingo night at the local church. As if the rabbit foot key chain might help them win $50.00. I suppose in some distant way, I was thinking about God, but not with any kind of life, more like the lifeless rabbit's foot. The breath of His word was not in me. I was in the panic dungeon grasping it's slippery doorknob. 

I knew it was over the top and by God's grace I knew what I had to do. First of all, take some deep breaths, and secondly STOP with the obsessive scripture quoting. Seriously, just plain STOP. I was about to run through a red light so my brakes did a nice skid, but I did stop. WHO was I talking to and WHO was with me? The greatest King, ever. "El-roi!" The God who saw me. What was I thinking about? I can assure you NONE of it was good. I had gloom on one side of me, with doom (both undeserving of being capitalized), on the other side. They were having a hay day. And, I knew it. So, I asked for God's help. Nothing eloquent. Just, "help." I then told Him that I trusted Him. There was no big bravado there at all. It was a tired act of surrender. Basically, "I ain't got nothin' for you Lord, but I do have this trust. It's dusty and a little tattered. Almost flew out the window when I slammed on my brakes. But, here it is, nonetheless." I cupped it in my hands and offered it to Him. He took my trust with reverence, brought it to His chest, flattened out his palms and let it spread out over His heart. We matter that much to Him. I hope you know that. The dark we see, taste and smell isn't from Him. In fact, a helpful suggestion for those who relate to this middle of the night trap, is to remember that GOD IS LIGHT. The room may be dark, there is spiritual battle, and the enemy is real. But, he is a LIE. In actuality, you are surrounded by light as if by day. The sun is shining, curtains are softly blowing, birds are singing, and Jesus is hanging out with you - completely RELAXED. That's an image He gave me years ago. The dark is as light when it comes to Him. He is not contained by some man made 40 watt bulb. NO WAY!

I will always stand by this. Those three words,"I trust you", offered to God, can change the course of a painful moment immediately. It can change the course of your day. And, it can change the course of your life. We (me) put our trust in the wrong things; things that evaporate like smoke. But, God is an unchangeable anchor. He knows about our weaknesses and shortcomings. He knows about our sin. Why else did He die? He knew we needed Him. He knows we need His love. Trust from you, that emerges from the ashes, while you yet walk through the ruin, is a TREASURE to Jesus. A treasure! Some days it may feel robust and other days, about as strong as a dust particle. Watch your trust. See what God does with it. See how you are empowered by it. I'm not talking easy or always happy, though that does happen. I'm talking about knowing in your heart of hearts that God has you. 

I finally did fall asleep and lest you think I'm giving you some lame lines of Christianese here and that Cinderella got her slipper back, my day was hard. I woke up tired. I was triggered left and right at work. The residents had a lot going on. The negativity on the lodge I was working on, was big. God knows that negative and angry spirits really get me down. I can deal with a lot, but those are easy buttons for me. I was aware of my environment. I was aware of how I was feeling and what I was thinking. I prayed often, even imagining Jesus walking next to me from the parking lot. I checked my breathing. And, I moved THROUGH. I wasn't in a warrior stance, but I wasn't falling, either. I just moved. I knew who was leading me. My great El-roi. My Abba Father. 

Notice how many times feelings can pass. Situations may or may not change, but your feelings and outlook will. Halfway through lunch with my residents, I noticed that the anxiety had greatly decreased and I felt pretty "normal." 

Today, I still have a little something going on, but I'm okay. We really can feel uncomfortable. We really can hurt, and still survive. We live in an age that throws us so-called remedies for everything uncomfortable, whether a sexy martini (lets get real), a new car, or latest self-help book that has the "universe" providing us a wad of quick cash. We aren't being taught to move or feel. We are losing our ability to cope with and actually work through pain. It is just another scheme of the enemy to keep us trapped and chasing after the wind. That's what it is, bottom line. 

But, God has another plan. We can put our trust in Him. His word is FULL of remedies. Please don't misunderstand me. God has put many amazing man-made remedies out there. He also created you and me to come alongside each other. But, I'll tell you. When it's dark and you're alone in the misery. When you've got yourself squeezed tightly, there is only One who offers the full wholeness that we need. ONLY ONE. And, I stand by that and always will. Jesus Christ offered His whole self for you and me. He experienced every dark horror known to man and let it pile upon His shoulders for us. HE IS TRUSTWORTHY. Tell Him today, that you trust Him. Say it out loud. Whispers are okay, too. There are no limits to how many times you may need to say it because His heart has endless room.

2 Samuel 7:28 "Sovereign Lord, you are God! Your covenant is trustworthy, you have promised these good things to your servant."

Psalm 9:10
"Those who know your name trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you."

Psalm 20:7
"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God."

Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean NOT on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."