Throw the Anchor Overboard!

I share this today with my husband's permission. On Friday, June 29th, my husband was diagnosed with Bell's Palsy. For those not familiar with this, it is a temporary paralysis on one side of the face. It comes on suddenly and often resembles signs of a stroke. It was quite scary initially until we got the diagnosis. Full recovery almost always happens within weeks to several months. He is now going on almost 9 weeks. I would guess that his face is about 75% healed. Needless to say, it has been a rough summer. 

I am very proud of him for the attitude he has kept up through the last several weeks. It is very difficult to go out in public and work when one side of your face is drooping and your eye doesn't even shut on its own. He spent numerous nights going to bed with one eye taped shut in order to sleep and often had to paint with an eye patch on. Despite this, he went on as best as he was able to. He went to work, Church, ministry events, hosted a graduation party at our house, and even gave a personal testimony in front of a group of people at our Monday night Emotional Resilience class. He has been a trooper to say the least. Along with this illness has come incredible fatigue. He has had days where he could hardly put one foot in front of the other and often went to bed early. One day recently, he even slept for 16 hours. 

Discouragement and depression have also been a big part of this. Those of you who have suffered with this probably know what I'm talking about. And yet, by the grace of God, he has kept moving through. 

The last 9 months or so have been really difficult for him and for both of us. It somewhat began with the sudden loss of his mom right before Christmas. From there, we have had other challenges as well. I know we are not alone in this.

The reason I decided to write about this today is because lately I have been surrounded by many  stories of pain. I think sometimes it can feel as if the walls are closing in and it becomes easy to lose perspective. We can lose sight of who our amazing King of Kings is. And, we lose sight of who we are in Him.

I decided to come to one of my favorite spots this morning and that is Waterfall Glen Forest Preserve! As I type this, I am sitting on a large boulder right next to the waterfall. It is beautiful! There is a little chipmunk that I have been watching who keeps scurrying across the rocks and into the large crevices. Even that little creature knows his Master! I've got sunlight and clouds, different kinds of bees, butterflies, tiny minnows, the friendly chipmunk, lush greenery, and the sound of water falling. Is this not the perfect office for a tired writer?! Thank you, Jesus!

While I can say with certainty that this has not always been my attitude, and I do not know what next week will bring, the following is my AUTHENTIC (and imperfect) response to my circumstances:

Oh. My big, BIG God. When will it end? Will there be break through? Please don't turn from me. Will my breath be deep again? Will lightness return? Will progress always be impeded in the most sour way? Will I awake in the clear again? My God. I don't want to hurt you with my unbelief. You are the God of my life. You are the Light of my life.  You are truly the Love of my life. I trust you with all that I am and yet I doubt. I become so small and weak. I'm so afraid. And yet, I will stand on the mountain top and claim my love for you. I will claim your truth. I will walk like a brave Soldier and go wherever you call me. And I will cower in the corner with my head buried in my hands because I don't know where to go and I don't know what will happen. My God. My big, BIG God. You are Majestic. You are over all of creation - to all the ends of the universe. Your Glory has no boundaries. You created that vanilla colored moon that was in the sky last night. You spoke to me through that glorious circle of light. Most surely, you are beyond my comprehension, yet as real as the reflection of the trees I see in the water below me. My Lord, open my eyes. Let me see your hand appointed warriors that surround me. Let my circumstances pale in comparison to your brilliant power. Give me direction. And, let all that is real in my life shine forth, and all that is cleverly prettied up in lies be exposed for the shrivled pieces of weak garbage they actually are. 

Lord, I give praise to you, today. You have been so good to me all the days of my life. You have never, ever left me. You will never abandon me. I can do all things through You who give me strength. Your plans for me are good. You are giving me hope and a future. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life and someday I will dwell in your house with you! And, there will be waterfalls, I just know it! And, no tears. Yes, no sadness, either. You can do more than I could ever dream or imagine. What is impossible for me is totally possible for you! Let me be a light shiner in this world. Use me, Lord. Equip me. Grow me. HEAL ME!!! Give me wisdom and courage.

Father, breathe life into Jason today. Bring swift healing and empower Him with your Spirit to be ALL you created him to be. Give him the deepest desires of his heart. Give us a testimony!

There is nothing more real than what Jesus has to say. What feels true, often isn't. We are not meant to sit in a small boat offshore that rocks wildly in the storm with no anchor. If that feels like your life today, then throw that anchor overboard and let it take hold in the muck. The sea might be calm or it may be rough. The sun may be out or there may be dark clouds above you. It might even be raining. But you can still sit in that boat, with your hands on your lap, and know that Jesus has got you. He may be sitting across from you on the little dented metal seat. Or, He may be just a little ways away standing on the water looking at you with a precious smile. I am positive that He is inviting you into His shelter, today. Go to Him!

His way is easy and light. ✝️