The Heart of Hospitality

I feel like hospitality has sort of gotten lost over the years. We have missed the point and made it about a clean house with great decorating and an impressive spread of food. Those things are no doubt nice and even lovely but, still not the point. Take for instance this scripture from the book of Luke:

As they continued their travel, Jesus entered a village. A woman by the name of Martha welcomed him and made him feel quite at home. She had a sister, Mary, who sat before the Master, hanging on every word he said. But Martha was pulled away by all she had to do in the kitchen. Later, she stepped in, interrupting them. “Master, don’t you care that my sister has abandoned the kitchen to me? Tell her to lend me a hand.”

The Master said, “Martha, dear Martha, you’re fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing. One thing only is essential, and Mary has chosen it—it’s the main course, and won’t be taken from her.” (Luke 10: 38-42) The main course was RELATIONSHIP and CONNECTION. This can be done  in cleanliness, beauty and good food and it can be done in a mess with bad coffee and store bought cookies. People just want to be thought about. They want to feel welcome, heard, and safe. So, this season take a deep breath and think about what is important. You can cut yourself a ton of slack by letting go and making your guests the priority and not all the other stuff. Don't be shy to extend invitations, either. People love to be invited and included. Hospitality blesses the heart of Jesus.

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk

Who Is Training You?

I have come to the conclusion that there is only one sure way to move through (and sometimes sit in) the pain and joy of life. It involves the hard work of being on our knees and studying the word of God. 

While there are numerous good and God-given ways to improve the quality of life, there is only one Source, Jesus Christ, who provides all we need. Compared to Him, everything else is background and some of it even counterfeit. He is the Counselor and Teacher of all time. He is the King of all kings. He is love. We need food and water to survive physically, but to survive and thrive emotionally and spiritually we need Jesus. There is no way around it. A couple prayers a month won't do it. A devotional here and there won't do it. A visit to church won't do it. The obligatory hour spent volunteering won't do it. A chapter from the Bible every month or so will not do it. Talk won't do it. 

As I thought about the difficult and time consuming training soldiers do in order to prepare for possible deployment, it made me think about what kind of training I have been doing to prepare me for my life - the hit of anxiety, work stress, health scare, relationship strain, unexpected phone call, death of a loved one or betrayal. 

Who is preparing us? While pouring out our heart to a trusted friend is a great blessing from God and can be incredibly healing, it still won't compare to being on our knees crying out to the One who knows - to the One who pours His power, love and wisdom into us from a cup that never sees it's last drop. Over and over we must do this. It can become as natural as breathing. It is not enough to know a little bit about the Bible from stories of childhood. 

How often is our relationship with God's word just plain stale? I was not always able to say this, but I can say it today: God's word is full of life, color, meat, wisdom and joy. It has even made me laugh. It is alive and bursting with truth, just for us. 

I have not arrived anywhere by any stretch. I have filled my time with counterfeit comfort too many times to count; leaving my Bible unopened for weeks with heartless prayers squeezed in here and there. I did not even know what I was missing! 

Today, I want more of Him and less of this world. My training is not even close to being over but the precious times spent with God have served me more than well. I have been reminded of what God has taught me over the years. I am reminded that He is real, alive, loving and tender, and all-powerful. I am reminded that He is faithful and true to His word. I have been taught to walk by faith and not by sight. Oh, I have stumbled and will continue to stumble, but I know Who will be there to pick me up.

♥️It is never too late to cultivate a beautiful relationship with Jesus Christ.♥️

"But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you." John 14:26 (The words of Jesus)

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk

Wisdom

Sometimes, we find ourselves in situations where we have been represented falsely. We may have been accused of something that is untrue. We have the feeling that we cannot win either way. It starts to feel that another is not interested in truth but only a personal agenda.

Among other things, this can leave us feeling wounded, unsafe, and defensive.

Jesus knew all about this. The words that come to mind can be found in Matthew 11: 18-19 "For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, 'He has a demon.' The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Here is a glutton and a drunk - and, a friend of tax collectors and "sinners." But wisdom is proved right by her actions."

The people had expectations of prophets and the coming Messiah that fit their own narrative. They had more interest in being right than seeing the truth, and while the truth does set us free, it must first convict. The people did not like their life style being challenged. They were squirming in their contradictory accusations.

We can learn much from Jesus by that last sentence, "But wisdom is proved right by her actions." Isn't that the truth? Real and godly wisdom will produce fruit in our lives. Those who are sincere in seeking God's truth, will accept the consequences of that truth. Being God's obedient beloved will come before anything else including our own pride and discomfort.

When the evidence of wisdom is obvious, that can be enough. We do not always have to explain ourselves or come to our own defense. If we can take that scripture to heart and know it to be true in our life, it will help with those feelings of insecurity and woundedness. We will feel better about not having to tell our side. The truth will plainly speak for itself as evidenced by the fruit it has produced.

God will affirm that.

What others think will not hurt the way it used to.

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking." James 1:5

You are loved by Him.

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk

Giving Honor to my Body

I have been thinking about honor lately, and what it means for women to honor their bodies. 

I come at this from a personally painful place as well as my experience working with women who have eating disorders and body dysmorphia.

I cannot pinpoint an exact age, but I know that from early on I believed there was something wrong with the way I looked. I felt my feet were too big, my legs too skinny, and I was too tall. I was acutely aware of this while it seemed all the other girls were not giving their own bodies a second thought. 

In middle school I was a cheerleader which I had always wanted to be. I ended up hating most of it. I was painfully critical of my body, comparing my legs to the other girls, and truly feeling deep shame. It did not help that one of the girls on the squad bullied me. Nor did it help that one of my classmates, a guy, commented on how skinny I was.

I had friends. I got invited places. I was involved in many extracurricular activities. I had boyfriends. And, I felt deeply shameful of my body. I had learned and believed that appearance was everything. 

As I moved into high school, it got worse. I wore long underwear underneath my jeans even in warm weather so that I would look heavier. I would bunch my socks up at the ankles in a way that I thought made my legs look better. I only bought clothes that I thought made me look less thin. I ate in excess in hopes that I would put on pounds.

I felt like a tall, gangly, skinny piece of nothing. I cannot emphasize enough how deep those roots were. I believed that appearance equated worth. And, when I say I believed that, I mean that I believed it down to the core of me.

As I moved into college, marriage, and motherhood, the intensity of those feelings dissipated, somewhat. My focus had understandably shifted as being a wife and a mom took a front seat. I had value apart from the way I looked yet that shame remained.

Let me interject and explain to those of you who may not understand, that this isn't a surface shallow sort of thinking. Body dysmorphia is real and incredibly painful. It is tied in to eating disorders, obsessive-compulsive behaviors, social anxiety and depression, among other painful conditions. "Experts" say there is no cure. God says, otherwise.

I have worked with young women who got to the point of no longer leaving the house because they felt they were too ugly. I have seen young girls put on a full face of makeup before going to sleep. I know of women who will not be seen, not even by their husbands, without makeup on. I have watched women change outfits multiple times throughout the day because none of them were working for them. I have seen women disregard their bodies to the point of not showering, getting dressed, or even looking in a mirror. 

I've been witness to women who scream for attention with their appearance, while others choose to remain nondescript and void of color. Both are about feeling lack of value.

I have heard endless painful rants from females about being overweight, not filling out swimsuit tops, crying over extra pregnancy pounds, despising their breasts, hating their nose, being ashamed of the veins on their legs, and not wanting to shop for clothes for themselves because what is the use? 

I am around women and girls all the time, of all ages and backgrounds. I can tell you with assurity that this stuff does not discriminate. It affects young women as well as older women. 

Most every woman I have met has struggled painfully with their appearance. Some talk about it and some have tucked it away in a small little space deep inside. They can't even whisper about how they have lost themselves along the way.

We share about aching body parts and functions of our bodies that no longer feel 21. We hide scars and grimace at them as we catch a glimpse in the mirror. We think about what was or what could be. 

We make fat jokes, old age jokes, and falling apart jokes. Admittedly, sometimes it's funny but more times than not, it really isn't. 

We spend more money on other people's needs than we do on a pretty bra because we feel the stretched out one we've had for six years is good enough.

Or, we crowd our closets and makeup bags with everything that is going to make us worthy.

We could probably separate these issues into categories and write an article on each one. But, I am far too excited to get to the part where I share what God has been teaching me since I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the end of July 2019.

Throughout the examinations, biopsy, two lumpectomies, thirty-three radiation treatments, and two reconstructive surgeries, I had to change my perspective on the body that God had given me. 

Did my body let me down? Was my left breast an enemy? Was I deformed? Could I still be feminine? Could I hold on to my sexuality? Would I even survive?

I remember thinking as I sat on my deck one afternoon that I could fold over and cave, or I could begin marveling at my body for the first time in my life in spite of the cancer that had invaded it uninvited.

Jehovha Rapha - the God who heals.

I began to feel a tenderness toward my body and most specifically toward the area where the tumor was. I know that may sound weird, but I instinctively knew I needed to feel this.

I prayed all the time that every cell in my body would rise up and give praise to the Lord. Those cancer cells had no choice but to join in. 

As I woke up for my job at 4:15 a.m. and left for radiation treatments every morning from work only to return back to the lodge, I marveled at the strength of my body. God helping me, I did it. I never once got sick. I never called off work. I did not miss my Monday night class or any of the ministry work I was involved in. I turned 50  toward the end of my treatments. 

God's wonder working power.

Man, I was worth more than my appearance.

Since that time, I went for reconstructive surgery because I realized that for me, an integral God-given part of what made me feel feminine was missing. I waited a year to see if those feelings would dissipate but they didn't. 

Interestingly, this morning I had my last follow up appointment with the plastic surgeon which put an end of sorts to all of my treatment. As I left the doctor's office I thought, "I've been through a lot." I could feel this at a deep level and it was heavy. But, the moment passed. I also felt proud of my body and who I was. Gratitude rose inside of me for the ways God had healed me on multiple levels.

There is nothing like taking ownership of your body and no matter how strange it might sound, I love my healed breast that was miraculously reconstructed with my own God-given tissue! I praise God for what He has done! It feels good to write and share this.

I am beginning to think of my body in a different way. 

Praise the Lord.

My body has given pleasure as well as safety. It has housed three precious babies. It has walked thousands of miles. My hands have fed hundreds. My eyes have seen and understood. They have shed tears of both joy and heartache. My heart continues to pump though I am not directing it to. My mouth has been used to edify, counsel, praise, and lament. My arms have held, cradled, soothed and hugged. And, my brain? Who can even begin to understand the inner workings of a brain? Only an intelligent and creative God could have made me. It is mind blowing!

I was knit together perfectly in my mother's womb.

All the parts of me are intimately known by my Creator. How I laugh. My taste buds. My c-section scar. The birthmark on my right leg. The colic in my bangs. How many breaths I take while I sleep.

Women, I believe we need to begin honoring our bodies for Who created them, the purpose they serve, what they can do, and Whose image they were made in. 

We need to stop objectifying, abusing, ignoring and berating, and begin celebrating with tenderness how wonderfully we are created.

I am going to go out on a limb and say a word none of us like and that is, "sin." With all my heart, I believe we sin when we complain all the time about how we look and feel. I believe it hurts God. 

As I mentioned earlier, this presents differently in different women. Make no mistake, some of us have done very little to feel pretty, feminine or alive. We have in a sense, departed from our body and left it behind. Others have tripped over high heels and body checked more times than we want to admit in order to assure ourselves we are okay. 

Some still yearn for this assurance while others have shut down and buried their bodies for far too long.

I know this is not what God intended for His valuable daughters.

I know He has been wanting to show me a different way for a long time.

Making a point to consciously honor my body has given me more peace, confidence, joy, and intimacy with God. I make less comparisons and feel more content with who I am. I think it has even helped my creativity when it comes to how I dress, write, photograph, and decorate. I am moving into me instead of wanting to become more like that woman over there. 

This is a process and not a destination. I need to be up front and honest about that. I lived almost fifty years with this stuff and it is taking repeated practice to honor my body and give God praise with it. 

I am being healed of lifelong lies in the name of Jesus.

Psalm 139:14 "Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous- how well I know it."

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk

The Lap of Jesus

In my mind's eye, as I came before the throne of God with my head bowed, I realized I had small boldness and confidence. In my state of sorrow, I also realized I was not close enough to my Abba Dad so I climbed the few stairs before Him, wearily sat down, and laid my head on His lap.

Some days are for coming before the seated throne of God with boldness and confidence. Other moments, when depletion has set in, are for the Carpenter's hand to rest upon my head.

He leaned in - my mighty King Abba Daddy and Comforting Counselor. His hand rested gently on the side of my head and I sobbed. My weighted body heaved against His legs. I spoke aloud all I felt and believed. When I could no longer form the words, my tears spoke for me. And, there we sat together.

I grabbed the napkin in front of me, blew my nose, and laid my head back down. The slight headache I had earlier, began to throb. "I should not exist," I thought to God. "The best of my life is gone." I think for the first time ever, I felt no purpose for my life. I did not matter. I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. Not die. Just, not wake up.

God was silent. I sat up and opened my Bible pleading with the Him to speak to me but even the pages of my Bible spoke nothing. 

I sat there still and numb with the grief of losing everything I had held most dear. Images flickered through my mind and I began to sob again. The crushing blow of being let down, ignored, and abandoned washed over me.

I could still feel God with me, though. He was absorbing my grief. He was both separate and within me. Somewhere, in the outer recesses of my mind I knew the Lord wanted me to unburden my weariness at His feet. He wasn't going to give me scripture or advice.

I was a daughter with her Dad. 

There was no condemnation.

Yet, I still sat up and hurriedly expressed remorse to Jesus for dismissing what He did for me on the cross. With everyone and everything stripped away, I was not sure if He was enough and I confessed that to Him. I expressed that there was no skin. He could not lie, hug, or converse with me. Not really. I could not reach next to me and feel the warm skin of His arm. He understood. And, He was silent but strongly present. "None of this right now," He seemed to be saying.

Again, I could discern His desire to enfold me into His sphere of safety where I could simply and profoundly grieve. 

So, I did.

Did you know there are numerous scriptures that talk of people physically touching Jesus as well as Jesus physically touching others? 

I washed my face and put my pajamas on even though it was 5:30pm. My body and heart felt walked upon. I paid it hardly any mind as I continued in this dead state of numb grief. It had been building for days. I kept it at bay out of necessity for this thing called, life. 

God was good with who I was. 

At least He wasn't going to leave me.

I ate my dinner while asking the Lord what He thought about the proclamations I had made over myself. He was there but not speaking.

As I cleared my plate and wiped down the kitchen, I told the Lord I trusted Him to speak to me however and whenever He saw fit and that I would know it was from Him. Something about the assurity of this brought on fresh tears. 

I felt miserable, hurt, lonely, and weary.

I knew God was good but wasn't sure I believed it right then.

He knew I could beat a dead horse and go back just to make sure. What is that about me? I cried, again. Was I nothing but a stupid, hopeless fool unable to take, no? I could wrench that closed door open like no one else. Was I a persevering brave woman or an idiot? Where was my dignity? Self-respect?

Someone recently told me that I am brutally hard on myself. Well, not that night. I had no capacity for beating myself up. I just wanted to matter.

I felt too weak for any of it and crawled into bed at 7:15pm. The sun was still out on that warm summer night. I felt broken hearted.

I prayed for the Lord to hold me under the shadow of His wings, and that He did as I slept for over ten hours.

When I woke up, my eyelids were swollen but I had the energy to move. God was still pouring into me.

It was a new day and God gave me a plan for it. I did want to live, after all. I was still sad, but okay - possibly more than okay. Fresh perspective was in the making.

*

This is "so life" and it's why I'm sharing it. 

Testimonies of God's faithfulness come in all sorts of ways, but the greatest will come when we take our last breath and enter our real home in heaven with Him. Because of Him.

In the meantime, this is what the testimony of faith in the midst of grief and heartbreak looks like. These are the sorts of painful molding experiences most of us wrestle with, but seldom speak of. 

I love learning about God. I have been enjoying delving into scripture like I never have in my life. But, one thing I know about myself, it will mostly be useless without a raw and intimate relationship with Jesus Christ; a relationship that is nurtured and experienced daily. 

I am going to talk about this all of my days, you can be sure. 

God is completely at ease with our grief and He does not carry a stopwatch. He wants to work it out with us. 

May we as brothers and sisters also learn how to be comfortable with each other's grief. 

I cannot stress enough how dearly and thoroughly you are loved right now. As is.

Your broken heart and unabashed joy are equally held in reverence to our Lord.

May my bones be raised up in the name of Jesus until I see Him.

May we all have the soothing experience of lying our head on the lap of Jesus Christ when it's needed.

That is worship.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed." Psalm 34:18

Be still.

HE. IS. GOD.

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk

His Way, Not Ours

Make no mistake. The world will encourage you to hate others most especially the ones who have caused hurt or the ones who disagree with us. They will put in your face all the "justifiable" reasons you should not forgive, harden your heart toward, and even retaliate - all of which will only serve to further hurt you. 

Hate and anger love companions. They are hungry spirits who look for food wherever it can be found. The world will gloss this over and use words like "you have a right, it's not fair, and you deserve better." 

Hate is a strong word but from it derive irritation, frustration, disdain, jealousy, self-righteousness, and misery. They're often at the same party sharing straws. 

Beware of the influences you bring into your life whether it's people, music, books or social media. Often it will come disguised as help that is light as a feather, only to later chain you down like a cement block because it is not of God.

Jesus's instructions have a way of setting us free because He loves us. 

MATTHEW 5:43-48

The Message

“You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.

"In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.”

Love My Enemy, For Real?

What does it feel like to experience obeying Jesus in a particular area of struggle? I believe there is great value in this kind of pondering and sharing with others. It shows how alive and relevant the scriptures are as well as the total glory of God. It gives hope when in the midst of that arduous obedience.

*I must confess that I feel rather glum about the word "obedience." It conjures up unpleasantness that I just laughed about with God. Yet, I continue.*

For today's writing I am going to focus on Luke 6: 27-28, "But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you." Most of us have heard this scripture multiple times. It sounds like a worthwhile practice - very Christian and noble. It makes sense and is doable when we decide to love on the miserable neighbor next door or the rude co-worker a few cubicles down. But, what is the experience of putting these words of Jesus into practice when a person has wounded our soul? When betrayal has rocked our world? When we've been dehumanized? When our heart has been broken into pieces? Did Jesus mean that even then we are to love, do good, bless and pray?

It doesn't sound like the kind of advice we might get from today's psychology or self-help book. It most certainly is not what any social media would promote. In fact, if it wasn't for Jesus teaching these principles, I'm not sure any of that radical love-your-enemy stuff would cross our minds. I'm pretty sure I'd be headed for revenge, myself.

Yet, Jesus Christ, our "wonderful Counselor" (Isaiah 9:6) in His infinite wisdom and grace, not only taught us to love the people who have hurt us, He modeled it for us time and again throughout scripture culminating with His death on the cross where He spoke the words, "Father, forgive them for they don't know what they are doing" (Luke 23:34). 

He was the Teacher of all teachers - the One who practiced what He preached like no one else. He was wounded, mocked, abandoned, betrayed, slandered, tortured and murdered. I think it's okay if I take the liberty of saying that Jesus knew what a broken heart felt like. Isaiah in part described Jesus as "a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief." (Isaiah 53:3) He goes on to say in verse 7, "He was oppressed and treated harshly, yet he never said a word. He was led like a lamb to the slaughter. And as a sheep is silent before the shearers, he did not open his mouth."

In light of these scriptures and many others throughout the Bible depicting the suffering humanity of Jesus, we can trust that when He tells us to do good to someone who hates us, and pray for that one who hurt us, He is in it with us. This means that He is not setting us up for something  unattainable. There is no sideline satisfaction at seeing us struggle through this alone. He knows the deeply internal spiritual and emotional work that it takes to show love to an enemy. We can believe David when He tells us that the Lord "rescues those whose spirits are crushed." (Psalm 34:18)

Many atrocities have been committed against mankind. Some have experienced truly horrific injustice and loss at the hands of others. I have had the learning experience as well as the humbling privilege of sitting with women at work who have suffered the unimaginable. I have seen suffering that good friends are going through because of the murder of their son. There really can be no shortage of "enemies." The world is full of them - strangers, loved ones, and even those who are no longer living but continue to hurt us from the grave.

Which brings us to the question, why must we love our enemies? Most don't seem to deserve our love. Some won't even receive it, and others won't even know we are working on it. It feels unfair and more painful than it's worth. I hear that and let's continue.

We have surface hurts and we have soul hurts. God has never been surprised by what we have experienced. He told us we would have troubles (John 16:33). But, I believe He has cried a thousand tears with us.

Jesus knew that people were going to hurt and hate us or He wouldn't have needed to give us any instruction on it. Instead of leaving us to our own devices to handle our inevitable hurt (bad idea), He gave us the kind of instruction He knew would set us free.

Based on what I have studied in scripture about God, my personal firsthand experience of Him, and the downright grief I have experienced from being hurt, there are things that I know to be true.

First, to love those who have abused, hurt and even hated us is impossible without the help of the Holy Spirit. It is far too much for us to carry on our own because being hated is excruciating. It is not our natural instinct to love when we have been hurt. Seek His help.

Lament before the Lord, time and again makes a difference. This allows for safe intimacy with God as we pour our hearts to Him. It inevitably leads to more clarity and peace, as well as authentic praise to the One who has seen and heard us in our grief. Hands down, this has been one of the healthiest aspects of my relationship with Jesus.

Resist the urge to broadcast your hurt to anyone who will listen. This opens the door for the wrong people to get involved and will not bring you peace at the end of the day. Instead, process with a few safe others who love you with wise counsel and a listening ear.

Do not shy away from your anger. You cannot give to the Lord what you don't acknowledge is there. If it is bitterness, resentment, the desire to get even, or anything else, take a deep breath because your struggle is valid. 

What is not okay and will only serve to hurt you, is to nurse those emotions, feed them, and stay in them. Do not fan those flames but instead, get on your knees and confess who and what you are wrestling with to God. If you have to do this multiple times a day for weeks, then do it. God will welcome you every single time. What He has for you, will not run out. This is a process.

Being able to love, do good, bless, and pray, for those who have deeply wounded us is more of an internal process than anything else. What happens externally is going to look differently for each person based on the circumstance. Boundaries may need to be put into place. Some may need to walk away or give distance. For others, this process may end in restoration and reengagement. You also have the right to change your mind as circumstances change and the Lord directs.

The Bible speaks of different types of love. Not all of it is going to be the heart kind. Not every enemy is up front and personal. "Enemy" can be defined many ways. But, Jesus made it clear that we must love. For me, it has been intentionally turning the mind to love. A choice, not a feeling. I'm astounded at how many times the feelings followed.

Doing good has personally meant acts of generosity and little gifts. Were these always given joyfully? Not really. But, I could feel deeply in my spirit when the Lord wanted me to give. Honestly, He did give me joy in it many times. But it may not necessarily be a hands-on thing. We can also be generous in what we choose to overlook and let go of.

Blessing has come in the form of how I speak and also how I pray. It is difficult to hate someone you are praying blessings over. It takes practice speaking goodness and life over a person who has hurt us, but our words have influence and power. Try to make them good.

Personally, the prayer is a big one. I have come to realize during the height of my hurt, that if I don't keep praying over this person, I'm going to lose myself. Sometimes, these prayers are full of heart- felt passion and other times numbly uttered strictly out of obedience to God. But, I keep going. I have been deeply convicted by the Holy Spirit that these prayers are imperative. Not easy. But, life or death.

All of this takes lots of practice. We won't do it if we don't believe we need to. Not everyone who reads the words of Jesus feels convicted in this area. But, if we are meditating on scripture in an effort to understand better the heart of God, at some point we are going to get it. At some point The Holy Spirit will tug on our heart with conviction because He doesn't want us to continue in this pain.

It can be that moment when we realize how big chunks of our life are being taken over by resentment or even fury. It can also be that quiet and tender moment when God convicts us that we have been a wounder as well - an enemy, a hater and a curser. That's a painful truth.

Walking around with resentment is going to be felt in our body. Whether we have physical symptoms like insomnia or digestive issues, or emotional struggles like anxiety and depression, resentment is toxic for us. 

With certainty, I can share of the miraculous freedom I have gained from listening to Jesus's Luke 6 instructions. This is the part I love sharing the most because it's true and amazing. I have had joy and peace when I humanly shouldn't have had any. I have loved with a great big heart without any effort. I am in awe of what Jesus has done for me.

I have been able to rise above arrows shot my way. I have come out of the furnace without smelling like smoke. I have sat at the table the Lord prepared for me in the presence of my enemies. Bitterness has been replaced by compassion. Judgment, by acceptance. Plotting, by letting go.

I have felt strengthened faith, more hopeful and optimistic, better sleep, less stress, more peace, improved health, more emotionally stable, and closer to Jesus. The Holy Spirit has been at work in the renewing of my mind and the healing of my broken heart.

That is what it has been like to experience the other side of the agony that can accompany the process of loving an enemy. I mean this: there is hope.

This is the kind of stuff we need to be shouting from the mountaintop!

Today, if you are finding yourself the recipient of wrongdoing on any scale, I have compassion for you. I know it hurts. It is okay to grieve and lament in your own way and time. Wrestling with it is healthy and normal. Anger to sadness and back again is an exercise that can eventually get you unstuck. Don't quit mid-race.

Until heaven, there will always be someone or something that wounds, and so these verses are wisdom to tuck around our hearts for all time.

Luke sums up this section by saying in verse 36,"Be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate." Another word we could use would be, "merciful." God is kind even to the ungrateful and wicked. When we do the same, we are showing the world who Jesus Christ is and the world is desperate for that vision. We are also drinking in the freedom that comes from letting go of that which isn't good for us. That's a promise. 

You are loved.

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk

Hang In There!

Some things about following Jesus feel effortless but I have come to experience that more often than not, following Him is not easy. It is hard when you are in the office and someone is repeatedly taking God's name in vain, to speak up. It is a struggle to turn the other cheek when someone has brutally wounded you. It feels like being oh-so-stretched extending forgiveness to someone who isn't sorry. It is difficult to leave a party by yourself because you don't like the atmosphere. It doesn't always feel good to do the right thing. 

It is exhausting to be in the wilderness and have to climb the tree one limb at a time in order to even get a glimpse of the horizon. And sometimes, when you get to the top, it's just fog. It is hard to believe in what you cannot see. It is hard to pray for the 789th time for the same situation or person to heal and change. 

Choosing to trust when everything is falling apart yet again, is wearisome. Stepping out of the boat to walk on the water when it feels like you have everything to lose, takes guts. Some days, our guts are gone.

Believing a vision the Lord has laid on your heart when no one else sees it, is lonely. Knowing full well that you are going to offend people is tough. Being shamed, judged, and criticized for what you hold dear to your heart, hurts. 

Being misunderstood, and even worse, not wanting to be understood, can pull on every insecurity we have. Not following along with rules, policies, mandates, and guidelines that tear at the core of our faith can be tiring, especially when you're one of only a few voices. Telling people the truth when you know it is going to hurt them takes conviction and it doesn't feel good. 

As one of my close friends put it, "The Christian walk is grueling." It is about perseverance and resiliency, often in the face of hardship. We keep walking because of Who our focus is on. We keep walking because of God's grace lifting up the soles of our feet. He is where it is at. His love started it. The more you know Him, the more you love Him; and the more you love Him, the more sure you are that there is no one else in all the universe you want to belong to. 

Following Jesus can be grueling but it is also the ride of a lifetime with the best yet the come. Jesus is a gift. Our relationship with Him is a gift. Salvation is a gift.

Stay the course, my friends. We must continue gathering together and praying for one another. We can do this with God.

Galatians 6:9 "So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up."

Hebrews 12:1 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us."

Romans 5:3-5 "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love."

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk

Make A Difference

It doesn't matter who we are or what we portray, life can be hard on the inside. I believe Christ has in mind that it is the job of His followers to be balm for the wounded. It is our responsibility and calling. It also is a humbling honor to be used by Him. 

While there are quality mental health and social services available, nothing will ever compare to the body of Christ actually living out the calling He has placed on us. What if we got up every morning and asked the Lord how we could take our shed tears and use them to build up another? What if we decided to get off from our comfortable perch in an effort to understand someone we didn't know (or even like)?

Two nights ago as I was ready to shut my light off and go to sleep, I received an unexpected text message from someone I hadn't seen in quite a while. It was so seemingly out of the blue that I knew it was an intentional gift to me from God. I knew this because that day had been hard and sad. I was hoping to fall asleep quickly in an effort to escape the pain. This person gave me an affirming compliment that touched on a part of me that was feeling especially inadequate. She couldn't have known I needed it, but God did. That is how He likes to love us.

There are people withering all around us on the inside. They may smile, their car may be washed and clean, their shoes might match their purse, but on the inside they are crouched in a corner with their head in their hands trying to protect an aching heart. 

We all have something to give and we all have something we need. Can we truly be givers like Jesus has asked us to be? What is it that you have to give? What is it that you have to learn? What is it that you have to share? Think about it. Pray about it. Are we inclusive? Are we humble? Do we speak life?

Hurt people don't necessarily look hurt. They aren't just in sac cloth and bare feet. They are YOU and ME. Church, we have to make the difference BECAUSE THE CHURCH IS WHERE IT'S AT. 

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2💗

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk

Wonderment to Thrive

Two weeks ago I had surgery (falling under the umbrella of the breast cancer I had over two years ago) and two days ago I could hardly get out of bed with a fever. Today, I am at the beach. It's cloudy and windy but the sun is supposed to peek out in the next hour. The waves are huge and crashing making me feel like I'm at the ocean, instead of Lake Michigan. Hardly anyone is here today which is my favorite. I love being out in nature, feeling like I am the only one. The first thing I did when I got here was go for a mile and a half walk along the shore. I asked the Lord to help me find more heart shaped stones and a few pieces of glass would be nice, too. I cried on and off as I walked. I had tears of joy for the way that God had healed my body in so many ways. I felt gratitude pour out of me for the Healer God has been in my life. 

I also felt sadness at the things missing in my life but honestly, the gratitude and joy were stronger. I ended up finding several heart-shaped stones, a large piece of broken clear glass with soft edges, and most remarkably, my eyes led me to the coolest piece of red, very weathered, almost heart-shaped, piece of glass. At first I thought it was an odd stone, but the more I examined it the more I could see that it was glass smoothed out by being tossed to and fro underwater for some time. What a treasure. Instead of putting it in my little clear sandwich bag, I clutched it in my palm until I got back to my chair. It is an interesting concept to think about how the more weathered the glass, the smoother and prettier it is. Maybe in some ways, we are the same.

You know, ultimately we are the ones to take care of ourselves. I am not promoting self-reliance like the rest of the world so let me explain. If we want to improve the quality of our life and make changes, there is no one who can do that for us. At the end of the day, we have to pick up the hammer and swing. Part of that is taking time to wonder. It is taking time to create and imagine. It is taking time to stand in solitude at the edge of the water, feel the wind in your face, notice the blue-green of the crashing water reflecting the cloudy sky, and just breathe. It is partnering up with God on an adventure to find a heart in the sand. It is thanking God that two days ago you couldn't get out of bed and today you're walking a mile in bare feet. It is recalling how little you knew of this wondrous, fun, and adventurous Abba Father years ago but now you do! It is knowing in your heart of hearts that He has taken a thumb to dry your tear and situated you under His wings which hold the warmest love ever to be found while here. It is wondering how He is going to do it. It is imagining Him standing across the way commanding His angels concerning you. It is knowing He is for you. It is resting in Him. 

I understand perfectly well that sometimes we are in no emotional or physical capacity to enter into wonderment. I get that. But, we sure aren't going to find it if we don't make the time to look for it. 

Hands down, from my personal experience, one of the best remedies for pain in my life has been spending quality time in the wonderment of my heavenly Father, the King of all kings. For me, it is often found in nature. I even sleep with my windows wide open so I can hear the rain and the breeze, the birds in the morning, and smell the fresh air. Give me, give me, give me! If our days are spent consistently confined, under stress, in the midst of melancholy, focused on getting from one point to the next, then we are missing out on some of the most precious and dear daily blessings from God! We are missing out on that felt experience with God where all the other stuff has no choice but to fade away. Our brains need this, not to survive, but to thrive. 

In this journey of wonderment I have found much freedom. I think I was tentative at first, sort of testing the waters of seeing how vulnerable I could be with God. Would He think I was stupid? Would He roll His eyes at my ideas? Would He make fun of what I found? Would He somehow shame me for my excitement or worse, belittle my unadulterated self as I came forth? 

What I actually found, was the opposite. The more vulnerable I became, the harder He cheered me on. The more of me that came out, the more that was validated. He encouraged me to wonder with Him. He gave me more things to search and find. He drew on the treasure hunter I think I've always been. He has never belittled me or who I am. In fact, I don't think I have cringed in anticipation of that in quite a while. Somewhere along the way, I have just gotten so safe with God that it is rarely an issue. My Jehovah Rapha does heal.

Whether you have found yourself confined because of physical conditions or just plain conditions of the heart, wonderment is still to be found with God. It always will be. No one and nothing can separate you from God's love and within His love is wonderment at the world around us as well as the fact of His living presence within us. We can go anywhere with God. 

"You are the Lord, you alone. You have made heaven, the heaven of heavens, with all their host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them; and you preserve all of them; and the host of heaven worships you." Nehemiah 9:6

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk

The Lord's Company

Sometimes, I lose sight of what a pure pleasure the Lord's company is. Instead, I find myself being self-centered and inward focused. I can't see ahead and get afraid about the future. I wonder how God is going to take care of this or that. The tug of war between letting go and trying to figure, plan, and fix becomes my main game and energy sucker. I am a planner, organizer, helper, and crisis manager at heart. It's effortless. But, what is not effortless is letting it all slide out of my hands at the foot of the cross in surrender and trust in the dark. 

God gently says, WHAT IF YOU JUST STOP? What if you enjoy me? Laugh with me? Breathe with me? Marvel with me? Stop a second and wonder with me? How about some trust?

More and more I am coming to understand that dying to self and all the things that do fade away in the light of Jesus's face, is a sure way to stop the chaos. When is the last time you shared a laugh with Jesus? When is the last time you excitedly showed Him something that you found or learned? 

Our relationship with Him does not always have to be heavy laden with burdens and self-condemnation. We are not under a bunch of laws, oppression, and "have to's." Forget legalism. It is riddled with lies that separate us from the heart of Jesus and His exceptional act of love and sacrifice on the cross. His burden is light and yoke easy. He walks freely with His Father and loves to be with us. 

I don't think the answers are as complicated as we make them. Sometimes, we really do need to stop and enjoy the goodness of the Lord. Something funny. The love of a friend. An unexpected envelope in the mail. The sound of the birds. The smell of fresh coffee. A car that starts in the morning. A bill that is paid. A body ache that is no longer there. Peace when you shouldn't humanly feel any. A sunset. The reflection of the sky inside of a raindrop. A child who comes home. A stranger who smiles at you. The Lord is good! He is taking care of everything concerning you. He is funny and fun. How I love Him with all my heart.

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk

4"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires." Psalm 37:4

PEACE

Not long ago, I was at the hospital for a surgery that would fall under the umbrella of the breast cancer I had been in remission from. You know that really weird feeling when you come to after having been put under with anesthesia? As I lied still and could feel the pain, I heard the gentle voice of my nurse asking if I was okay and how I felt. After a while, when I became more alert, I told her how important her job was and how much it meant to me to wake up and hear her voice. I was feeling deeply emotional and swallowing back tears that had nothing to do with the surgery but was probably brought to the surface because of it. 

I was then moved to a different room for recovery. For the sake of what I want to write about, it doesn't matter what the details were, but it's important for you as the reader to understand that something was taking place that should have been heartbreaking for me during an already vulnerable moment as I lied on the hospital bed. I use the words "should have been heartbreaking" because it actually wasn't. 

I felt the divine intervention of the Holy Spirit pouring peace into me. I was still hooked up to who knows what and it felt as if Jesus Himself poured peace into my IV as I lied there. This peace came on quickly and flooded my being. It even went so far as me taking a pass at the pain medication that was brought to me. In that moment, in that cold room, wearing a hospital gown, feeling vulnerable and having clarity about the situation, I felt the peace that only Jesus could give; the kind that passes understanding. 

I stayed thinking about this the last few days and knew that I had to write about it. There have been so many times and I'm sure many more to come, where I have sought peace in the wrong ways and in the wrong places. That sort of "peace" sifts through my fingers like sand but the kind that Jesus gives goes right into the very core of my being and spreads to my limbs. At the hospital, His peace did not numb me out and nor did it necessarily change my situation. I held complete clarity of the pain before me without it's arrow coming near me - in the furnace, but not smelling like smoke. 

John 14:27 says, "Peace, I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." This gift of peace is available for every single one of us. We already behold it. It's just that so often we forget it's there because we are striving for something counterfeit. 

The peace that God has given me time and again feels like He is carrying me even as I am walking. No drug prescribed or otherwise can take the place of Jesus-given peace. It's supernatural wonderment. It's thinking with incredulity 'how am I not in a fetal position on the floor right now?' But, you're not. You're in the heavenly realm with Jesus unperturbed. It's crazy, isn't it? What a good God we serve! In the smoker but there's no smoke! Trust him. He loves within you as He lives. 

Holy Ground

I met a pastor once for coffee who wanted to talk about outreach ministry with me. That's really all I knew, and as I didn't know this pastor either, I prayed that the Holy Spirit would speak for me and guide our meeting. 

One of the things he asked, was how I thought he could develop a missional heart and mindset​ within his congregation. Gulp. (Um, let's see. I felt entirely inadequate as my heart pounded. Now, if only he had asked me how to cook a good roast in the crock pot or fold a load of towels...) When he saw my hesitation, he rephrased the question and asked me how *I* had developed a missional heart and mindset. That was easy and I think I ended up answering both questions. I said, "It was out of my own brokenness and pain. I came to terms with my need for God and others. He was there for me. People were there for me. We have to come to terms with our own brokenness." Seriously, the poor guy. I think it was his turn to gulp. He then told me, "I didn't expect you to say that. Interesting." 

While I certainly can't speak for everyone and wouldn't be so foolish as to think I could, isn't most of our heart for outreach and service born out of our own brokenness? And yet sadly, many sit in the pews in denial of their brokenness and/or in shame of it. That is a another blog right there, but guess what? You're not alone! You want to serve, but you're not feeling it? You want to love better, but you're feeling rough edged instead? Don't know how to start? Look where you are standing, sitting or walking these days. There is your current mission field. Period. It's going to change throughout the day, week, month, year and lifetime but you will always find yourself somewhere. That "somewhere" is your mission field and the people with you are your harvest. 

Feel cold? Think about the areas of deepest sadness in your life or greatest struggle. How did that feel for you? What were you given that made a difference? Or, what did you need or wish you had been given? Be that "given" and go out and satisfy that "need" for another. We love, because He indeed, first loved us.

Too often I have fallen prey to thinking mission must be big and grand. It can be, and it depends also on how God might define those words. Your calling may look completely different than the next person's. Jesus mostly walked and talked; he stood in a boat to teach; he sat and ate. All holy ground.

Hands carry, hold, and express. Eyes exude warmth and understanding. Ears listen. Minds conceive. Legs move us. Shoulders carry burdens. Hearts hold compassion. Posture says, "I'll be in this with you."

Look where you are and be conscious of your holy ground. It may not be where you thought, but it's the place where the Spirit is empowering you to love like Jesus.

Sweet Life

"When I had nothing, desperate and defeated,I  cried out to the Lord and he heard me, bringing his miracle-deliverance when I needed it most.The angel of Yahweh stooped down to listen as I prayed, encircling me, empowering me, and showing me how to escape. He will do this for everyone who fears God. Drink deeply of the pleasures of this God. Experience for yourself the joyous mercies he gives to all who turn to hide themselves in him. Worship in awe and wonder, all you who’ve been made holy! For all who fear him will feast with plenty." Psalm 34: 6-9

You have permission to "drink deeply of the pleasures of God" even when life feels painful. It is okay to smile, laugh, heal, overcome, and experience victory even as your boots are still in the trenches. He encourages your faith in what is unseen. He tilts your face upward so that you might experience the gaze of His love. He helps you seek peace and is your Friend in joy. He is always up to something good on your behalf. Our Lord welcomes you to the sweetness of life.

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk

Pride

Below is a quote by author and speaker, Brene Brown that I love. Pride is one of those insidious little things that can come through the cracks unaware and filter into our lives. It is good to offer help. We are to be givers. It's Biblical. But, what about acknowledging that we need help? We can have no problem asking for help in certain arenas and areas, but not in places where we feel great vulnerability, weakness, or even shame, and of course, that makes sense. We may have no problem buying groceries for someone who needs them but we would not be able to receive the same. We may spend quality time listening attentively and caring for someone and never be the one opening up to someone else. We will stress ourselves out to no end, lose sleep, kick the dog, and belittle our spouse before we ask anyone to help us with a project. We are the toddlers who say, "I do it myself!" We may have no problem serving lunch at a homeless shelter but we would starve before walking into one if we needed it. You get the picture. The problem is that this sort of mindset divides people. Do not think for one second that those who find themselves in need, whatever that need may be, don't feel the leveling that goes on; don't feel the inward cringe in the gut at being on the receiving end. As an example, this is in part why impoverished communities have little trust in those providing help. Please let that sink in. Division is often felt at a profoundly gut level and it impedes physical, emotional, and spiritual health.

I do not care who you are or where you have come from, you need help. There will always be an area where help is needed because Jesus did not die for the healthy, He came for the sick, and we are the sick. One of the reasons the early church was so much a piece of heaven on earth is because each gave to the other. What one didn't have, another could supply and vice versa. There was no, "other side of the tracks." Those are the communities that work the best. Those are the churches that work the best - the families, marriages, friendships, co-workers, and neighbors. I see you and you see me. 

We like to say that we are not better than anyone else. We can come across so very humble and godly but shoot, let's admit that it's a false humility because every single one of us has either consciously or subconsciously felt we are better than another person (and by golly, we are not asking for help)! It's called pride and it is a sin we all get entangled in even while we may not be aware of it. The enemy loves the "unaware" part best.

God intended us for healthy and safe connection with each other. Connection is an unbelievable healer. I see it all the time and I know how much it has healed me. Without it, we lose out. We don't arrive at full potential. It makes it hard for authenticity, growth, and maturity the way God designs. 

Humble people ask for help. Humble people admit that they need help. Jesus was humble and He is/was King of the universe. 

Shame is a liar.

Pride is foolish.

Truly, let's promote honest and authentic connection in safety, with each other. It's the place where stuff flourishes and you are worth having that.

Dee M. Kostelyk

Nothing Changes if We Don't Change It

"Nothing Changes if We Don't Change It" is the kind of statement I both stand and cower behind. It feels good for me to say it. There is sort of a nice ring to it and I can momentarily put my shoulders back, chin up and feel strong. But, the truth is that change can be hard for me.

I was a shy and anxious little girl though for some reason beyond me, I was able to move through that and probably present something that didn't look like it. But, it was there. I liked to stay under the radar and could often be found with my face in a book. While I was very much my own person and could speak up about things I found important, I did not like to step out of my comfort zone. I would never have described myself as bold or courageous; quite the opposite, actually. I was afraid of trying new things or dreaming too big. I was incredibly self-conscious, all the time. I did not feel the most competent. 

As an adult, I have liked my routines. I have always had some tiny nook that I could claim as my space where I could read, write, drink coffee or watch TV. I know exactly where my Aldi quarter is in the car and nobody better touch it. I like my makeup bag set to the right of the sink in the morning while I get ready. There are pretty much two different coffee mugs I drink from and once in awhile I might get crazy and use a different one. I set my clothes out the night before for work and get my coffee maker ready to go. I shower everyday and always wear jewelry and perfume even if I'm home alone. I like to know what is coming. I'm not big on surprises. I appreciate predictability, reliability, and calendars. Routine is my friend.

Courage is an interesting concept. One can face the onslaught of an unexpected illness with grace, peace and bravery but completely fall apart at losing a job and beginning a new one. Someone else could walk through a dark alley alone in Chicago at 2am without flinching but never have the courage to stand in front of a crowd and say a few words. 

Change is somewhat the same. We can have all kinds of motivation and courage to change a bad habit but put a wall up when it comes to repairing a relationship. We can chronically complain about different aspects of our life but never do anything to change them.

Well shoot, change is much easier to talk about than it is to do. I know this first hand as the last few years of my life feel like they have been one change after another that included numerous losses. I've been forced into changes that I did not go looking for, both internally and externally.

I have felt crushingly overwhelmed by some of the changes I have had to endure. It's that feeling where part of me was digging my heels in because I believed I couldn't do it and yet I had to. But, I couldn't. Yet, it happened anyway. I couldn't sleep. I sweated in the night. I hugged my pillow and cried. My mind did a scan to find a way out but there wasn't one. So, I lied there feeling despair which turned to numbness as the bleak reality of my life set in. If I would have had the choice to fall asleep and not wake up I might have chosen it. But, morning always came and I mean this: so did God's new mercies.

About 6 years ago something shifted in my family life that was actually hard but good. It was during this time that I spent a significant amount of time alone with God. I grew to love Him with a newfound exuberance. I did not know it at the time, but God was doing a preparatory work inside of me where change would be intermingled with growth and maturity. 

That's the kind of change I want to talk about. The hard kind. The good kind. The kind we do on our knees, in the shower, across from our counselor, lamenting in the car, whispering prayers in the night, studying His word with a pen in hand, and learning everything we can about the heart of God and who we are in Him - maturity producing kind of change. Because, and I say this tenderly, we cannot continue to complain and struggle in our current life circumstances, do nothing about them, and expect some sort of magical change for the better. Pretty soon we become so well acquainted with our struggle that we don't want to let go of it. We hate it but we know it. We know it and so we're comfortable with it. We cope but never really live or thrive the way God intended. We simply complain and gripe and the payoff is that we can stay in that space of comfortable misery where we get some false sense of importance or fleeting value. We are afraid to ask the question: who would I be without this struggle in my life? We close our eyes and hug our chest as we believe that we would be no one. I get it, believe me. It feels easier to stay stagnant than to try and fail, or worse, feel we have lost our identity. But, that is a lie from the father of lies, himself. We need to get off the hamster wheel and it's okay if we don't jump off and start running. We can take a step off and ask the Lord what to do next.  NOTHING CHANGES IF YOU DON'T CHANGE IT.

This is not about arriving somewhere and it most certainly is not about happy endings while here on Earth. The problem with most testimonies is that they are incomplete. We share where things went awry and how everything got fixed with a period at the end. Let's get real, though. Even when big parts of our life improve for the better, Jesus clearly tells us we will have struggles. These will occur until our last breath when we meet Jesus in our real home -  the one He has already prepared for us, praise God. However, how much better it is if we are continuously evolving into the man or woman God created us to be! Does it make sense for us to say that we are too far gone to change - too old, too sick, or too stuck? Is that what we have shrunk God down to?

The thing is, it is not nearly as frightening to seek help and positive change as the crazy anticipation tells us it will be. The inward changes we begin making will make all the difference when faced with the rough seas of life. Those things you thought you could never let go of or face, you find that you can, bit by bit, piece by piece, because God is your Abba Dad. The older I get, the more I experience that He longs to bond with the real me, and healing of one thing or another seems to follow.

I am a big believer in doing what you are able to do to improve the quality of your life until you take your last breath. As God heals and matures one area of your life, something else will come up that points to your need of Him. You hear the phrase, "work in progress" a lot but it's the absolute truth. There are things in my life right now that make me feel afraid. There are things I don't feel like thinking about. There seem to be more questions than answers. A few weeks ago in the morning I got a wonderful report that my breast cancer was still in remission and several hours later I received news that had my stomach in knots. Welcome to real life. The question is, how am I going to approach these things? How will I contend with what feels like unending grief some days? By the renewing of my mind, that's how. (Romans 12:2) God is in the business of transformation and when we seek to make changes in our life for the better, you can believe that He is right in it with us! He made you. He knows you. He understands what you need. You're His!

The whole, "nothing changes" thing is something I probably think weekly and say a lot to my residents at work. I was at Walmart a few days ago when I saw the T-shirt I'm wearing on clearance for a whopping $2. Talk about a little treasure from God! I love it. May it be a reminder to me that I can make changes and that I actually need to make changes. I can fail and try again with the help of God. I can be mature. I do have courage. Joy is real. I am a living testimony of the faithfulness of God.  Hallelujah!

Start making the changes you know deep down you need to make. Help and support can be found in many places and through many people. You aren't alone. You can do it. You will not lose yourself, I promise. God loves you completely and with an everlasting love. He is for you.

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk

When Envy Rots the Bones

Envy and jealousy come in many forms. It is insidious. It is sin. And, it hurts. 

Proverbs 14:30 says, "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." Whether this kind of poison is choking us out or consistently present under specific circumstances, we need to acknowledge it and then do something about it. This message isn't for that one person you know but bluntly put, it's for you, me, and all of us. 

When you find yourself unable to be happy for a friend or family member's joy or success, that is a problem inside of you. When you are tempted to rain on another's parade, downplay their gifts and accomplishments, or criticize them in your heart when they have something you want, that is a "you" problem, not a "them." We lie to ourselves when we deny this. We have all experienced that sharp pain of envy run through us at one time or another. 

Unchecked, envy can do damage in our lives and in those around us. Being envious doesn't feel good. It really hurts, doesn't it? It is one of those emotions we can feel in our body and we want to defend it, quickly. We wrap one arm around ourselves to hide and protect it while using the other arm to point at the object of our envy as if it is all their fault. 

Looking at it from a different perspective, we have all been with people who we have instinctively known are envious of us for one reason or another. For myself, it leads to feeling unsafe around that person. I know that our relationship will always have a limit. Full trust will never be there. It is something we don't ask for and it really hurts. It's plain ugly.

Oh man, how we need God! His desire is that we have a heart of peace because it does give life to our body. Envy makes us sick. It gives way to problems such as exhaustion, headaches, digestive issues, and a slew of emotional, relational and spiritual challenges. Envy tells us that we are not enough. It makes us feel ashamed. It lies to us. It can imprison us. It is evil and it rots the bones.  

The good news is that we're not left there. There is hope for freedom in this area. Next time you feel envy rise up inside of you, take time to check in with yourself. Where is it coming from? What is it about? Confess it and ask God to help you. Turn it around and instead pray for blessing and favor over the object of your envy. That is a sure weed killer! Also, keep in mind your own worth and value. Ask God how He sees you. Ask Him for what is real and true about you. Take a minute to ponder His love.

Remember that this not about the other person. It's about you and you're worth seeking peace in all the areas of your life. Be free. God says it!

Written by,

Dee M. Kostelyk

Life is too Short

How many times have we heard the phrase, "Life is too short?" I was thinking about that this morning and what it could mean for me. Often, the message in our secular world is to walk away from spouses, friends, family, neighbors, jobs, ministries, or any situation or commitment that is challenging, negative, or hurtful. Because after all, life is too short. It's not that I necessarily disagree with that. I think there are times when God wants us to shake the dust off our feet and walk away. When we are in tune with God and seek wisdom in these situations, He shows us what to do.

In Matthew 5:44 Jesus says: "But I tell you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you." I was thinking about that this morning as I prayed very specifically for someone who has hurt me. I prayed that the Lord would love on this person today, have mercy on them, and give them the desires of their heart. It was not hard to pray those words. They flowed easily and genuinely. Ask me about praying the same thing next week, and I might be sputtering to get those words out! But this morning, it was effortless. There is something otherworldly that takes place inside of our head-to-toe bodies when we pray God's love over someone who has wounded us; when we pray God's love over razor sharp edges and bitter intentions. Darkness is lit up by even the tiniest portion of light and that includes all that is inside of us.

The way that I felt as I prayed and when I was done, is actually the way I wish I could walk around every day, all the time because it felt good. It felt right. It felt like the real God-created me. 

However, make no mistake that I understand this is not always a feel-good process. I get it. This morning the words of love flowed but there have been plenty of other times when it went against my very grain; when I fought God as He bended me to break the rebellion; when all I could do was whisper the prayer. Resentment can be difficult to let go of. A prayer grudgingly offered is much better than no prayer at all. God works in those situations. His hand is upon our cheek as we speak.

So, in that sense, life is also too short to not persevere, not take the hard road, not trust God in the wilderness, or love our enemies. The answer for the follower of Jesus is not always going to be to walk away because our time on this Earth does have a limit. We have work to do that involves growing our inward selves to be more like Jesus so we can better love like Jesus.

Dee M. Kostelyk

Sweet Stuff

Sometimes, we cannot help ourselves. It can be hard to objectively, yet compassionately, hear what someone is experiencing without readily casting a judgment and giving advice. We *think* we know what we would feel and do and therefore assume the same for them. However, that is a problem. We actually do not know, what we do not know. It's that simple. A person seldom arrives at feelings and experiences with a one day history, but rather years of history we didn't walk through.

For example, two 30 year old men can arrive at a job interview late because of inclement weather. The first guy starts to sweat in the car. His stomach is knotting up and his breaths are shallow. He is gripping the steering wheel. He shuts the radio off so he can think. The people in front of him driving slowly begin to irritate him. He begins to shout inside of his head, "Don't these idiots realize the speed limit? I have somewhere to be!" A pit in his stomach begins to spread. His shoulders are tight and his anger is increasing. He thinks back to an argument he had with his wife last week when she told him he needed to find work soon or they wouldn't be able to keep up with the mortgage. He starts thinking about all the things he can't stand about her. He begins to hate her and all the slow drivers in front of him. His 4 year old son's face comes to mind. He wants to play baseball this spring and they don't have the money to pay the park district. Then, the internal name calling begins. You name it, he feels it. Total failure. Idiot. Loser. Can't-do-anything-right-pansy. He recalls the day he came home with the first car he bought with his own money. He was 17. He remembers the miserable look on his dad's face when he came outside with a sneer saying, "Good luck with this piece of shit." His stomach in knots and feeling defeated already, he walks into the interview.

The second guy starts to sweat in the car. He grips the steering wheel and turns the radio off. He lets out several long sighs and feels irritated with all the slow drivers on the road. His shoulders tense up and his stomach clenches. He thinks about the argument he had last week with his wife when she told him he needed to find a job soon or they wouldn't keep up with the mortgage. He feels irritated with her followed by a sinking feeling that he is going to let her down and blow this interview by being late. His 4 year old son's face comes to mind. He wants to play baseball this spring and they don't have the money to pay the park district. He then smiles to himself, momentarily distracted by the memory of laughing together at something the night before. But, the stress comes back as he looks at the time and that's when the internal dialog begins - I'm going to blow this, I need this job, Saturday I'm going to be at the family party and my wealthy brother-in-law is going to ask about the job search, I can't stand him, at least I have my truck (he thinks with a moment of pride). He then remembers a friend of his saying they had openings at his job place. If this doesn't work, he can call him. As he starts to think about how he's going to walk into the waiting room and then into the interview, a memory flashes through his mind. He had turned 17 and came home with the first car he bought with his own money. He remembers his dad coming outside to check it out. He was smiling and gave him a thumbs up before he even got to the car. He realizes then how more than anything, he wanted his dad's approval and how pumped up he felt when he got it. He takes a deep breath, squares his shoulders, and heads into the interview.

Granted, this example has it's confinements and it's simple, but you get the picture. One guy's experience of arriving at an interview late can be very different than someone else's, for good reason. It is important to keep that in mind. And, the same goes for us when God puts someone in our path who is struggling. We come to them from our own history and perspective and we perceive from that place. Unless we are intentional about being open and simply listening without judgment, we can do everyone a bit of disservice. I feel I am continually learning this personally and professionally. Stress is stress and pain is pain. It may come from different places and as a result of different experiences, but to the person walking through it, it's completely real. 

In a day and age where we readily feel entitled to criticisms and opinions, especially when we are feeling low ourselves, or anxious to help someone we don't know how to help, slow is good. May we not be judges or stone throwers, but a compassionate people who are quick to listen, show grace, and offer safe spaces for people. That is the kind of sweet stuff that actually helps.

Dee M. Kostelyk

Don't Give Up

How easy it is to feel like giving up; mistake obedience for insanity or hope for foolishness - to feel perseverance is in vain, or a desert the sign of failure. The world affirms these lies. Friends and family can affirm these lies. Even the brothers and sisters in Christ know not what they do.

We want results, like yesterday, for the work we put in. All of us do. Our ability to get up after falling is not bad. Our ability to get up after falling 378 times? Not so good. 

We can maybe forgive that person seven times but c'mon, seventy times seven? What am I? An idiot? The "world" yells that you are indeed, an idiot - maybe even an idiot with a diagnosis in need of a good therapist. Not true.

It's been 4 years and you have quite literally been praying daily for God to work in a situation and it has only gotten worse. Clearly, you must be pretty stupid. Or, God isn't listening. Or, you're not praying the right way. Or, surely you are being punished for all of your sins. Maybe the situation is even too big for God. Not true.

The project you felt sure the Holy Spirit prompted you to move forward with, crashed and burned. You now have nothing to show your team. No colored graphics or numbers to speak of. Dead on the vine. The conclusion is that you suck as a Ministry leader. Not true.

You've got a few inner demons you have been working your butt off to conquer. Now, those demons are conquering you. Your hands keep sliding downward as you try to crawl out of the pit. You have one mocking spirit to your left spitting shame and weakness in your face. The one on your right is cheering you on with feigned support and acid-filled breath lying that you are fine as you are - a mighty king or queen; invincible. Below you is the "Hey man, just give it up already." All liars.

Who is above you with an extended hand and your name engraved on His palm? Father God.

Holding faith is not easy. It is no doubtedly hard to walk when you can't even see your hand in front of your face. Heck, it can be hard to walk even when we can see!

Discouragement, weariness, abandonment, and worthlessness do not discriminate. Do you know how I really, truly know this? Because, even Jesus Christ experienced it. The Bible says that He is well acquainted with our grief and understands our temptations and weaknesses. He felt betrayed and abandoned, and at times wondered what good He was accomplishing. 

So, you see. You are KNOWN and UNDERSTOOD.

I am grateful that Jesus did not give up. He left all of His labor in the hands of His Father. He COMMITTED all that He was and all that He did to God. He walked to victory for us.

Could it be then, that the results are less important than the heart of the laborer and the One to Whom that laborer is committed? There actually is a reward.

So, do not give up. Keep going. The hand of God is held out to you in love. He is trustworthy.

Dee M. Kostelyk