She was young enough to be my daughter, arms full of self-harm scars hidden under a blanket wrapped around her fragile shoulders. I was busy though, as usual. But, God placed her in the back of my mind as someone I needed to pay attention to. I didn't like the influences around her and the blanket was bothering me. This is how it goes at work many shifts. You see and notice a lot. You absorb stuff. You make mental notes and you pray for an opportunity to get back to who you just can't shake.
I will call her Maddie. As soon as the opportunity arose, I asked if I could talk to her privately in a group room. After we sat down on the couch I asked if she would remove the blanket for me and show me her arms. On top of the at least 50 scars up and down each arm, Maddie had taken a black marker and written words like: "I deserve to die. Ugly. Vermin. Fat. Death. Disgusting (and so forth)." I can no longer remember the details of our conversation but it became obvious to me from things she shared, that faith in God had been at least a small part of her life. We talked about what she was feeling and thinking, including suicidal ideation and self-harm urges. At one point I asked if I could pray for her and through tears she said that I could. She cried through the whole prayer. When we were done I asked if she wanted to wash the words off of her arms and she nodded, yes.
Standing next to her while she removed the proclamating lies from her arms with dish soap in the kitchen sink, was probably one of the more profound experiences I had in 6 years. It only lasted a couple minutes but I soaked it in as the cleansing of the vile words revealed the true character of Jesus Christ and His love for her, for me, for all of us. Talk about symbolism. Wow. She didn't even have to scrub. She ran the water and soap gently over her slim arms and the words disappeared with ease. I asked her how it felt, and she quietly said, "good."
Jesus never browbeats. He's not rough or belittling. I have come to experience and know that He holds us dear. He says, "Here, let me take that burden from you. Let me put salve on your broken heart. Let me clasp my hands around the core of you and infuse you with the light of me." The wars, the arrows, and the legs knocked out from underneath, happen. Welcome to "in this world you will have troubles." But, it doesn't make our Savior any less. Our pain does not send Jesus to a distant planet and nor does it make our small box His home. Whether we see or not - whether we understand or not - whether we are in an easy season or a hard one - our Redeemer is at the kitchen sink with us.
Hear this. Even if you haven't made it to the sink because you can't get off the floor, He is with you. You are not too much for God. You are just enough. YOU ARE EVERYTHING TO HIM.
JEREMIAH 31: 1-6
In that day,” says the Lord, “I will be the God of all the families of Israel, and they will be my people. This is what the Lord says:
"Those who survive the coming destruction will find blessings even in the barren land, for I will give rest to the people of Israel.”
Long ago the Lord said to Israel:
"I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.
I will rebuild you, my virgin Israel.
You will again be happy and dance merrily with your tambourines. Again you will plant your vineyards on the mountains of Samaria and eat from your own gardens there.
The day will come when watchmen will shout from the hill country of Ephraim, 'Come, let us go up to Jerusalem to worship the Lord our God.’”
HALLELUJAH!
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