I do a lot of thinking when I drive and for the last month, each Sunday morning early, I have gone to the beach to get away, spend time with God, hear the waves, and look for heart-shaped stones. I listen to sermons, worship music, and sometimes blast '80s music while I think and drive. It's weird, but sometimes the louder the music, the better I hear the quiet whisper of God.
Yesterday, I worked almost 9 hours again without a break. I spent the latter part of my shift sitting with a woman who had been struggling with severe depression for months. She had been hospitalized and readmitted a few times now. We connected a while back when I realized we shared the same faith. Time and again I have sat with her, talked, and prayed. It's always the same. I have seen little to no progress. The gray that radiates from her can be felt. It is a challenge for me not to absorb it and because of that, I admit there are times when I am glad I don't have her particular check-in that shift. I had run out of things to say to her yesterday as she went from sitting up to laying in a fetal position on her side, completely wanting to give up on this life. I'm pretty sure I cried out to the Holy Spirit silently at least five times during those 30 minutes I spent with her; "Lord, you gotta help me, help her." I finally drew on what I knew to be true and that was, "Where two or three followers are gathered in my name, there I will be amongst them." (Matthew 18:20) I asked if I could pray with her and she was silent for a bit until she nodded, yes. I didn't feel that bold or confident and to be honest, I hardly had any energy left, but I interceded anyway because I knew Who was with us.
Some of her story? Growing up, she had been sexually abused by her father and subsequently as an adult had been taken advantage of by two pastors who manipulated and played mind games with her while robbing her financially as well. That nice piece took place over a spread of YEARS. Needless to say, she was also in the midst of a deep crisis of faith and feeling completely unloved by God. Lord, have mercy.
I suppose I had a bit of residue from yesterday's shift still clinging to me this morning as I tiredly got out of bed, feeling like I hadn't slept well, and remembering the fragments of multiple bad dreams. I couldn't wait to get to the beach.
On my drive, a song by Casting Crowns came on the radio called, "Start Right Here." My eyes welled with tears because it felt like an affirmation from God about what I was contemplating writing about, today. I will share the lyrics with you at the end of the blog.
Sitting in our pews, across our neighborhood, next to us at the grocery store, behind us in the school pick up line, speaking to us on the TV and radio, and sharing meals with us, are people limping and traumatized. Victims AND perpetrators. In the "church." You can say, "Dee, I already know that." But, do you really? Do you know that there are women and men out there who love the Lord and are still prostituting themselves to get a little money for drugs or to get the electric turned back on? Heavens, these people can't be followers of Christ! Oh, but they ARE.
A few years ago I remember sitting in the milieu on one of the adult lodges listening to a woman in her 30s sing Christmas carols while playing the keyboard. She had a beautiful voice and loved the Lord. And, guess what? Only the month prior she had sex with her father, and in a complicated sort of way, WILLINGLY. She shared that with me desperately one time behind closed doors. She cried and rung her hands and asked me what was wrong with her; mother of 5 kids, married, pretty and seemingly put together; involved in her church, and traumatized. Marriages are crumbling behind the scenes as pornography and even worse horrific sexual behaviors are invading Christian homes like the plague. Men, rotting with decay on the inside, lean over the bathroom sink staring at their reflection in the mirror silently crying, "someone help me." Arguments over how to load the dishwasher or dirty clothes on the floor next to the hamper seem like a dream come true. If only those were the issues.
The church has needles, pills, and bottles strewn all over the place. Not only is pornography, incest, prostitution, and adultery more rampant in the church than we want to believe but so is depression, anxiety, addiction of every sort (including self-pity), gossip, self-righteousness, and looking the other way.
Well, it's uncomfortable. I get it. I had a pretty decent life so I don't understand this kind of stuff. I get it. I just don't know what to say. I get it. It's easier to work with what we know about. I get it.
But, come on people. Come on followers of Jesus Christ, the church is where it's at. If we don't start talking about the boy who identifies as a girl and the teacher who found welts across her student's back - the student with the prominent Christian businessman dad from her church, then the world will address it with a sloppy incompetence, and much worse, an agenda straight from the pit of hell. (That's extreme, Dee). You bet it is. The enemy doesn't work half-assed.
People are afraid to come forward because they believe their problems are way worse then the easy problems that the church presents and addresses. Frankly, it's not helping. When I get a sense from a resident that faith is a part of their life, I often ask if their church has been supportive. Sometimes, I hear the best stories about the warmest and most loving people. However, sadly, most often they didn't tell anybody at church because they were too ashamed.
As Christians we need to become more trauma aware and educated. We need conferences that teach us about post-traumatic stress, what that looks like, and how to help. We need to staff more social workers in our churches and expand Christ-rooted mental health and addiction support. Prayer ministries should be blowing the roof off the place. Celebrate Recoveries should be packed. Elders and Deacons should be visiting homes so they can anoint with oil and pray over EVERY kind of sickness (body, mind, and soul). Consistories need to be trained about this stuff and be transparent about some of their own struggles. We need more stories and testimonies FROM THE PULPIT that don't end with a pot of gold and a couple unicorns. We need testimonies of real people currently walking through the real wilderness sharing how our real Jesus is empowering them to do so. We need to teach resilience. From cover to cover, the Bible gives story after story teaching us about how to bounce back when life hits us. Speaking of the Bible, God sure wasn't afraid to share what was really happening; human sacrifice, orgies, murder, self-harm, despair, war, incest, prostitution, demon possession, pride, misogynism, abuse, perversion, hypocrisy, rape, and self-righteousness to name a few. Well shoot, it's 2021! Complacency is not working.
I've never quite understood, "I'm quiet about my faith." I can't think of any scripture that tells us to be quiet about our faith in God. Sure, we all have different personalities, no doubt. We all have different gifting. Some of us are extroverted while others are introverted. Some are on the front lines and some in the back. We all make up the body and God uses each of us uniquely, so that is not what I'm saying. But, it feels like a disservice to Jesus Christ and our neighbor if we're going to be quiet not just about our faith, but also about the many conditions that can affect it. That is not the answer for our own heartbreak or that of others. It IS uncomfortable. I know it is and my response is, "And?"
How do we have a marriage seminar at the church and talk realistically and honestly about some of the sexual perversions, abuse, and/or addictions going on inside marriages? Suddenly, we get a little anxious. We start fidgeting. It's a little too much. Can't we just talk about communication skills? Uh.... noooo. Cuz, you know why? Some of those couples are going to go home worse because they were made to feel like they were too far gone and not like anyone else. How sad is that? It doesn't have to be that way! Jesus was there!
God, we need thee. Every hour we need thee.
We can do this together. We can put our heads together and figure it out with the help and power of the Holy Spirit. We do have to get real with ourselves, though. I think it's harder to really see people and hear them, when we don't really see ourselves. One thing I do appreciate about this younger generation is their ability to be honest and reach out for help. However, and I have experienced this truth a hundred times, there are many adults and older adults who are hurting because they never felt safe enough to hold out their hurt and expose it to the family of God and the overwhelming healing and love of Christ. They didn't feel the situation warranted it. They didn't feel it was important enough or bad enough. Trauma. What's trauma? That was normal. Again, Lord have mercy. This is the generation that can be leading and teaching. This is the generation that the younger one can sit at the feet of.
If it is happening to me, then it is important to God and should be important to my family of God. If it is happening to our families, neighbors, friends, schools, churches, and coworkers, then it is important to God and should be important to us. If it is important to God, it needs to be addressed within the church. Period. It is not "us" and "them." It's "we." Quite honestly, it's foolish to believe anything else or walk any other way.
What kind of Jesus do we think we have? Someone who squirms and is uncomfortable with our sin? Someone who would prefer not to know about it? Someone who smiled and waved like the queen of England from afar? His feet were filthy and calloused. His shoulders heavy. His wrists pierced. His blood shed out for the most vile of evil imaginable. In today's language we might say, "That Jesus, yeah, He went around the block." (Maybe a few blocks or just the whole universe). He ate with people. He knew stuff. If anyone didn't have their head in the sand, it was Him. Hallelujah! El Roi, the God who sees! Jehovah Rapha, the God who heals!
The church is where it's at. Not the government and not the slew of incompetent social service agencies who often make us feel about as valuable as a gnat. IT IS THE CHURCH. Praise God, we can do so much with His help! What a humbling privilege. And if you don't believe me, then believe God:
MATTHEW 5: 13-16
“Let me tell you why you are here. You’re here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You’ve lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.
Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. BY OPENING UP TO OTHERS, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven."
Dee M. Kostelyk
Start Right Here
Thank you for sharing this. I used to work at Chicago Westside Christian School when your dad was a very active school board member. I see you work where a friend of mine works. Do you know Sharon Adams?
ReplyDeleteI should have checked Facebook before I asked!
DeleteYes, I know Sharon! In fact, I just worked with her yesterday! (Small world)☺️
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